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Cynthia R. Wallace's avatar

My ongoing challenge with friendship / community *right now* is still COVID-19.

I LOVE thick community and have had beautiful formation in it; in many ways, I am a logistics person and have often functioned as organizer / welcomer / linchpin. But the way society has chosen to "live with" COVID--despite it being a leading cause of death worldwide to this day, despite it disabling ever-growing huge swaths of people, often without their realization that their new onset health challenges are post-COVID sequelae--means that immunocompromised people (or people who recognize the threats of COVID and don't want them for themselves or their kids) are just kind of ... left out?

I'm seeing a lot of past-tense pandemic references here, and with great tenderness, I would beg you all to remember that while the official pandemic emergency has ended, the pandemic rages on, and it continues to radically affect things like energy levels and health for most people, along with limiting the free-flowing relational energies many of us really value and long for, even though they are increasingly inaccessible to us.

Mostly I'm saying this for other people who are in this boat to feel seen. We are here, too. <3

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Jen's avatar

This is something I think about a lot, esp since I’m single and childless. I would like more friends in general, I only have a few close friends and a few more medium friends. But even with a small number it seems it takes an act of congress to get together, but they all have partners and families and as much as they say they prioritize friendships it’s just still so obviously a second tier consideration.

At the end of last year I was having a hard time. Holidays are painfully lonely and I reached out saying I was struggling and could use some support and seeing friends in person. They responded nicely, saying they felt for me, but in the end I only met with them once that month. They were just busy.

I’ve tried hosting regular monthly dinners, often people who said they could come back out last minute and several times I’ve had literally no one come. That gets old. This year for my birthday I wanted a low key and easy to plan get together so planned to go out to dinner with 2 close friends, planned weeks in advance and vetted time and location. Day of I let them know where the table is and one says oops she got the time wrong and her husband is out playing golf so she has to stay home with their kid. She felt bad but I found it so telling. Right now I’m taking a break from planning because I’m exhausted with the effort for so little pay off. But it means I haven’t seen people in weeks. Since they live with their partners I don’t think they care as much. So for me the biggest struggle is finding people who actually care about prioritizing friendships (not just giving lip service to that). Everyone seems happy to be acquaintances but they’re just too busy otherwise. Where are these people?!

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