The Very Best Culture Study Advice
How to Meet People IRL, How to Curate a Good TikTok Feed, How You Want to Be Parented, The Best Thing About Your Specific Age, and so much more
This week’s new ep of is on NICOLE KIDMAN’S RESTING RICH PERSON FACE! With Sam Sanders!! If you want to hear me wax poetic about The Others and Sam blasphemy Moulin Rouge and both of us try to figure out how to talk about frozen foreheads, listen here.
Finally: I always want more ideas from small/local businesses for the Culture Study Gift Guide. If you make and sell something very Culture Study (or know of someone who does), send it my way. (Don’t reply to this email; that goes into the abyss. Put CS GIFT GUIDE in the subject line and email me at annehelenpetersen at gmail dot com).
And yes, we’ll also be doing our yearly subscribers-only Gift Concierge (where you can ask for help finding a gift for a certain sort of person…and help others with their own asks) the first week of December. If that sounds like fun and/or helpful, subscribe now.
A particularly insightful response on a recent thread sparked an idea: what if I put together some of the best advice from four years of Culture Study threads, and let it all sit and sing together in one post?
I’ve spent the last day reading through hundreds (truly hundreds!) of old threads, which was a joy in and of itself, in order to share some of these gems with you. The first few are available to all, but the rest — and access to all of the threads from whence these comments came — are for subscribers only.
These threads are as addictive, weird, challenging, and wise as they are because you, as members of this community, are willing to take the time to write out the stories and sorrows and joys of your daily lives every week. I hope you take as much comfort in this collection as I do. (Paid Subscribers, you’ll find the Sunday Links and Just Trust Me at the end of the piece as usual).
Cate, on Narratives for Aging:
I'm toward the end of peri-menopause, and don't have children or a partner, and I am so deeply happy. I remind myself that I am living a life that my great-grandmother (and before) could only dream of — I am financially independent; I have a career; I own my own home; I have a wide circle of dear friends. And aging — despite the attendant medical hiccups - has proven to be a wonder. I am aging into compassion; aging into grace. This is not a thing that it feels like I chose, exactly, but rather the sum total of all the years before, and lessons learned, often the hard way.
Naomi Shihab Nye has a poem on kindness in which she says "and then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore / only kindness that ties your shoes / and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread." Those lines resonate with me so much.
My narrative as I age is about using my skills, abilities, and know-how to make things better for other people. Helping to facilitate the circumstances under which others can flourish gives me joy. And it's not a sense of stepping in to save people, or whatever mucked up, ego-driven thing that might be. It's knowing where I have connections, privilege, understanding, and capacity that can smooth the road for others in ways I wish my own path had been smoothed.
Thu, on What Would You Tell Your Younger Self About Love?:
I would tell myself to not believe the dramatic stories I've been told and sold (which were mostly white, cishet stories that never quite applied to me). I would tell myself to look closer to home, to see the smaller, constant stories of love. I spent yesterday building my father's altar on the anniversary of his death. There was love there in abundance as I spent the morning cooking for him, as I poured tea in front of his portrait, decorated the table with flowers, and as I lit a candle and spoke to him. I always thought of this ritual as one of remembrance, but yesterday was really when I felt it deeply as one of love borne from care and attention. That's the love story I am interested in.
Sara, on The Best Sacrifice You Ever Made:
When I had to step away from my "dream job" because I couldn't find a safe, reliable source of child care, I felt devastated. When the child care issue was solved, I was shocked at how difficult it was to get back to where I had been: instead, I had to settle with entering at a lower-level position and working my way back up. It was humbling, and infuriating. However, it also broke a fever that had, until that point, allowed ambition to drive my life more than any self-identified choices. Since then, I have found a new way to balance home and career that feels deliberate, and reflects my real priorities. I appreciate that you phrase this question as sacrifice, because we have to be clear that sometimes the best choices still lead to loss. The value just happens to be greater.
OhHiHelloThere, on Kitchen Tips & Tricks That Changed Your Life:
This is probably the absolute dumbest tip I could provide, and perhaps everyone already does this, but my dad taught me to cut the tops off of chip bags once you've eaten half of the bag's contents, so that you're not having to stick your hand/wrist/arm down into a greasy bag as you continue to go for the chips closer to the bottom. This obviously applies to anything you continuously eat in a bag. . . popcorn, crackers, etc.