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Mrs. Pontellier's avatar

I dumped Facebook in May 2020, after fifteen years (I was a grad student at one of the early-FB colleges when it began so I joined in 2005). I honestly think it was one of the best decisions I've made as an adult.

I was in several groups made up of people from my small, intense women's college (one for parents! one or work! one for food! one for travel!" and on and on) and that involvement ultimately led to me hating my college and many of my friends. I used to think that the great thing about Facebook groups was being able to gather myself and put forth unemotional responses -- but what ultimately seemed to be the currency in those groups was pretentious, preening communication masquerading as the unemotional.

I held on a long time because "how will I keep up with my childhood friends / cousins / old coworkers?" Then I realized that I ... don't miss knowing their lives through the FB lens. Now I control when I hear about someone's amazing new job instead of being bombarded when I am doomscrolling at the end of a terrible day.

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Erica N's avatar

I left Facebook in 2011 - it was a time when it felt like default permissions were changing constantly and I couldn't keep up with them/operate them properly. Due to that, a coworker learned about something I would have preferred to keep private and it caused me a lot of trouble at work.

I have never been back to Facebook because I basically can't forgive the company for that and I hear about so many other types of harm that I don't feel bad about the decision.

That said, I absolutely feel like I have paid a price for not being on the platform, professionally and personally. I feel like it disconnected me from friend groups I was loosely tied to, made me unaware of important events at my college or church, etc, caused people to sometimes feel I was rude because they expected me to know stuff that was posted there. I also have paid a professional price for not being on social media (I eventually quit my job after that Facebook incident and used the moment to get off all social media). I work in a career where there is pressure about that, and I avoid the subject/pretend I forgot to share whatever post/etc, but there are people who notice. I also feel like I miss out on professional networking opportunities.

I'm 1000% sure that not using social media is better for my mental health. I have had all the problems with anxiously scrolling hours longer than I mean to, feeling weird things about the nice stuff other people post, being scared of what people can find out about me through my posts, learning stuff I'd rather not know about family members' beliefs, etc. Overall, I'm not sorry to have paid the price of not being there. I sometimes have people tell me I overreacted and should get back on the social media horse, so to speak, because of those other costs, but I've never been able to bring myself to do it.

I do use Discord and I like spaces like this, so I'm still good with that definition of social media. I've been happy to see that it seems like the feeling that you absolutely have to be on Facebook or something is wrong with you/you have something to hide/whatever seems to be fading.

Love the original post and the thoughtful way the subject was explored and framed.

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