It's a piece of the same phenomenon, I think, as when we spent the 90s annoyed by "uptalk" or, more recently, all the hubbub over vocal fry. Basically, we are already annoyed by a woman's presence, and here she is being a woman HARDER! As if she doesn't even care!
But it sounds bad to say "women speaking annoy me" so people fall back on critiquing technique. "I am just neutrally telling you vocal fry/uptalk/exclamation points are *silly*. The fact that they are associated almost exclusively with young women is a coincidence."
I stopped worrying about vocal fry when I realized how many dudes do it, including, famously, Tom Brokaw. I am convinced lowering your voice, for some listeners, conveys authority. What annoys people *is* young women assuming authority.
Exclamation points are not exactly the same thing, of course, but I think it's all a bundle. It's fascinating that we have a way to chide and discipline women's voices even in text form.
Such good points here! I felt the same way about the Barbie movie and the Eras Tour this summer. I felt like everyone who said they were “so annoying” was really just annoyed that young women were in positions of cultural influence!
I want to have the same conversation we are having here about feedback. The giving of feedback and the surrounding etiquette (including but not limited to the feedback sandwich) is a rich fucking text if I've ever seen one.
I work in faculty development (helping college professors teach more effectively using evidence-based practices), and YES. (Fwiw, I advocate now for an evidence-based practice called "wise feedback," where you acknowledge the task is challenging, provide evidence that the student can do it, and then provide concrete directions for improvement. Even in my TA days, I realized the compliment sandwich broke down when I wanted to write on student work, "You turned in a paper. Almost everything about the paper is wrong. But anyway, I look forward to your next assignment!" Talk about a glib and terrible exclamation point there. So the first thing I changed when I was an instructor of record was to teach more skills to avoid the "everything is wrong" issue. And then I learned about wise feedback when preparing for a workshop for new TAs on how to give feedback... a revelation!)
I'm sure you know way more about this than I do, but in a lot of my grading experiences, it seemed really clear to me that the students had never encountered criticism of their writing that wasn't personal or emotional. Whereas I came from a journalism background before teaching, so I was used to getting literally hundreds of corrections, often in real time. I also found the "compliment sandwich" inadequate for the task... instead, I would usually say something more general at the start of the semester about how I approached their writing in the context of a relationship of care, then encouraged them to ask questions about that if it was unclear. But boy howdy, it could be hard, especially when it was something important.
IMO the feedback sandwich is unhelpful and confusing. I would fall on the side of direct, concise feedback as soon as possible. Frequently it’s possible to separate praise and feedback (and hopefully you’re doing more praise). When I think about the really young / recent graduate coworkers that had difficulty transitioning to the workplace, a lot of it was because they didn’t get direct feedback and didn’t even know they needed to improve.
I use exclamation pounts a lot. My personality is also a lot. I am turning 50 thus year and I decided IDGAF about it. I work in a female dominated industry and I think that it is my job to communicate as who I am to the young women who report to me who can be afraid of their own shadow.
A friend/colleague (female) and I were commiserating about this man I have to deal with in one of our projects. I showed her my reply to one of his dry, brusque scolding emails and she told me, “way too many !s in your reply to him. You’re too nice.” So I said, “yet I seem to be getting the job done despite this excess of pleasantness.” Am I playing into those stereotypes you describe about femininity? Probably. Also is it my way to generally catch more bees with honey? For sure.
Yes also I work with some men who give no fucks about pleasantries and honestly I find it really unpleasant. So much so that I may find another job, so their loss. Work sucks a lot of the time, let’s all be nicer while we’re there.
Love this, especially as I'm an equally enthusiastic exclaimer! You probably know the work of linguist Deborah Tannen who researched gender differences, including the use of language online. Comparing male/ female texting she found a treasure trove of emoticons in women's writing, and much shorter, almost short-hand texts from men, with far fewer visuals. It's a classic metaphor for different communication styles that remain such a big issue at work.
I've spent the last 20 years on gender balancing corporations around the world, and skilling leaders up to be able to become 'gender bilingual' so they can work effectively across genders (now adding generations too). It's teaching them exactly the sort of thing your essay points to. Don't turn women into men, use their differences to make your team and organisation flourish...
Came here specifically to mention Deborah Tannen’s work! The section on texting in YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN TELL (and how women use punctuation and emoticons/emojis to convey nonverbal cues and reinforce bonds) was excellent!
Yes! Reinforcing bonds! When a person in a leadership position uses an exclamation point with me, it feels like a warm hug. I'm a very tired, 40 year old academic woman surrounded by folks who wear layer upon layer of patriarchal professionalism. When I get an exclamation point from a leader it feels like that person trusts me enough to toss off their facade and give me their warm, authentic self. It's a rare and comforting thing.
fantastic, i heard her speak in Chautauqua a few years back and didn't know she had published a book about this. Buying it now. I think all her work is fabulous. Thanks Erin!
As a copywriter, I love love LOVE thinking about how nuance and meaning get expressed (or lost) depending on what words, punctuation, emojis, and emphasis we use in written communication. How (and when) should you try to mimic nonverbal cues?
I’ve had super-nerdy discussions with colleagues over how best to replicate the feeling of excitement (Best. Day. EVER.), headline capitalization (sentence case feels friendlier and more modern, but ending them with periods feel bro-y), what emojis to use to convey a particular feeling, and when it’s appropriate to use slang or break grammar rules (yes, Steve from Customer Success, we meant to use “‘K?” and “inspo” in that social post).
I will say this, though: the way I communicate as a senior permalancer in a creative role for an unstuffy company is VERY different than how I did when I was 24 and working at a male-dominated engineering firm. 😬
At least once a week, I think how grateful I am to work predominantly with women, just because it makes communication so much less fraught. My department must be 90% female or non-binary and the ease of communication is something I treasure. I do, of course, adjust my style for certain people and I understand that certain topics require a serious tone, but during an average day, I’m “thank you!!”-ing left and right. I can’t envision myself in an environment where I’m not shooting off “you’re the best!”s. It’s delightful!
I work in a pretty male-dominated environment (they're still proud of the women's locker rooms which were added for the first time 5 years ago!) and I'm the absolute cheeriest all the time. Non stop "thank you!!"s and "You rock!" and "This is why you're my fave!!" The guys are always like, what are you so smiley and happy about? and I'm like, well being grouchy isn't going to fix anything! My dark side is pointedly adding "Please" to the end of other people's requests. Everyone can learn to mind their d*mn manners!
I’m just fascinated with the concept of professionalism and how/if it can be separated from sexism, racism, classism, etc. As a supervisor (in a behavioral health organization), I want to think there are still some relevant elements to how we want people to “show up”, but it feels murkier to me all the time. More on this topic please!
Yes, and ableism! Neurodivergent communication is too often badly misunderstood by neurotypicals, leading to staggering unemployment rates among the neurodivergent.
I'm super cognizant of this in my role as mentor for a young woman in my field - she's often seeking feedback on her behavior/performance in new situations and I struggle between telling her how to "assimilate" vs. encouraging her to "be herself, always". Like, she would probably be more effective at her job in the short term if she behaved differently, but I know from personal experience that quashing part of yourself to be accepted/respected in your role is soul-crushing in the long term.
I love the Atlantic piece on Peggy's pics. We're anticipating the grief of losing our guy Cooper, and in advance I spent a weepy couple of hours curating the ultimate photo album of him, talking to him while I went through the memories. Remember when you spent 20 minutes rolling in the snow in Stanley? Remember when you befriended that horse in McCall? Remember when you got mad at us because it was raining outside the tent? I did this for our cat Snoots that we lost tragically in January too. The dynamic phone background helped then, and it'll help again soon. Can't recommend a better way to grieve and appreciate a very best friend.
I've been thinking a lot about you and Cooper — it's both easier and harder to have the time before the necessary comes. Sending you lots of love and care, especially since you have had a PARTICULARLY arduous pet emergency year. It's all so much and all so important.
I am laid up after a fall (while on vacation over Christmas…sigh). To fill the time and to feel productive I have been culling my camera roll (15k images is just too much).
So many photos of our sweet dog Rose (who left us too soon in 2019, age 6) have made me realize that we never really get over the loss of those we love so deeply. But, it was worth it to have had them in our lives.
The “Just Trust Me” article hit hard, and I’m still a bit teary. Thank you for sharing it.
Very sorry about your fall, and your sweet doggo. Pets are so special and never really leave us, do they? Unrelated and sorry to piggy-back this question on your post - are there links at the end of this post like the Just Trust Me? I'm only seeing the article and no links and wondering if that is just me...
They’re in your subscriber email - I put them in the footer (that only goes to subscribers) so they don’t show up in the app or here on the “live” post. Hope that makes sense! (Exclamation point!)
Oh! That’s good to know; I only read Substack newsletters in the app, not via email. But I had no idea I was missing part of the newsletter so I’ll change that! Thanks!
(And I love using exclamation points - obviously!)
Oh weird! If you’re commenting you’re definitely a subscriber - check your spam, but also check your subscriber preferences in your substack account (some people accidentally turn off emails)
So apparently I had “smart” notifications on, which means I get notified in email or in the app, but not both? I’m not sure if that means Substack just...decides?... how it’s going to tell me about a new post? I’ve seen your links and such before, and know I’ve gotten notification via email before. I wonder if there was an update that changed default settings? Or perhaps my New Year’s resolution is to lose the ability to navigate technology. :) I’ve changed settings to notifications in both places and we’ll see if that changes things. Thanks!
Oh, darn! Same here. I only get app notifications, and I kept thinking I was sure there used to be more links. Fixing my notifications now, and will not think too hard about what I’ve missed.
I too have my subscriptions delivered app-only – had no idea I was missing something! Is there a way to "re-send" past posts so that I can see the links, like for this one?
Unfortunately no — this is the hard thing about the way the platform separates paid and unpaid subscriber content! But I'm happy to forward you any from the past, just send me an email
Holy moly! Thank you so much for linking to my newsletter! (Exclamation points deserved here for sure.)
I love your essay, in part because I had recently been thinking of these issues in regard to my over-use of smiley faces :-). I catch myself using the emoticon to soften a request or to be a pleaser. Sometimes with friends the smiley face is totally fine and natural. But in emails or texts with people I’m replying to or requesting something, it undercuts my authority. It’s like ending a sentence with your voice rising and asking “OK?” As for exclamation points, I’m a fan of using them to express enthusiasm and won’t hold back!
Yes, this is the piece I wanted to add to this discussion as well! When is my exclamation point and emoji use a symptom of my codependency that undermines my authority, vs when is it just a part of my personality that tends toward the easy-going and informal? I’d love to have that conversation.
I'm fascinated by the generational differences people are talking about in the comments. I'm what I think of as a trailing edge boomer, 61 years old, with a very high level of energy and enthusiasm. If you talk with me you will feel the exclamation points. There will also be hand waving. I'm now at a level in my organization and in my career where, as someone below said, I'm just going to be me and they can deal with it. I use exclamation points when they are reflecting my authentic voice. I have the joy of doing work I really believe in and I often get to celebrate something that's worth more than one although I probably usually only use one. However, I reread my emails two or three times before sending and consider how I would feel if this email were coming to me rather than from me. I suppose looking out for the feelings of others has been turned into a gendered role but I really value kindness and don't want my emails to land like a slap in the inbox.
Years ago I remember deliberately pulling back on exclamation point use when I was working in higher ed communications. Those academics were not exclamation point people and I was young and new and didn't think I would be taken seriously.
The Washington Post just ran a quiz to determine what generation your communication style is. I only scored as 9% Boomer. I didn't like all the choices in their survey because I didn't get to say "it depends on context." That's an essential element of understanding your audience and writing to reach them.
I just turned this around in my head to think about when an exclamation point isn't used and I would like it to be or would find it entirely appropriate. I'm at the age where I get colonoscopies and if my gastroenterologist sent a medical record note that said "it's all good! you don't have any cancer!" I would sincerely share their enthusiasm for that finding.
As I read this great piece, I was reminded of Benjamin Dreyer’s riff on exclamation points: “Go light on the exclamation points. When overused they’re bossy, hectoring, and ultimately wearying. Some writers recommend that you should use no more than a dozen exclamation points per book; others insist that you should use no more than a dozen exclamation points in a lifetime.” Bwahahaha. I will die hectoring you with my exclamtion points.
First link I opened was this week’s just trust me. I had read it earlier in the Atlantic so my first reaction was Of Course! And my second was All The Tears! So poignant and true.
I’m a subscriber to the Atlantic and was halfway through the article when I realized the author was Charlie and he was talking about your Peggy and my eyes just filled up. What a lovely way technology can help process. ❤️
As an old man, though, I'm not expected to use exclamation points most of the time. I'd like to think that when I do it makes an impressions, but that's surely just vanity. Especially as they've become more common.
It's a piece of the same phenomenon, I think, as when we spent the 90s annoyed by "uptalk" or, more recently, all the hubbub over vocal fry. Basically, we are already annoyed by a woman's presence, and here she is being a woman HARDER! As if she doesn't even care!
But it sounds bad to say "women speaking annoy me" so people fall back on critiquing technique. "I am just neutrally telling you vocal fry/uptalk/exclamation points are *silly*. The fact that they are associated almost exclusively with young women is a coincidence."
I stopped worrying about vocal fry when I realized how many dudes do it, including, famously, Tom Brokaw. I am convinced lowering your voice, for some listeners, conveys authority. What annoys people *is* young women assuming authority.
Exclamation points are not exactly the same thing, of course, but I think it's all a bundle. It's fascinating that we have a way to chide and discipline women's voices even in text form.
Such good points here! I felt the same way about the Barbie movie and the Eras Tour this summer. I felt like everyone who said they were “so annoying” was really just annoyed that young women were in positions of cultural influence!
I want to have the same conversation we are having here about feedback. The giving of feedback and the surrounding etiquette (including but not limited to the feedback sandwich) is a rich fucking text if I've ever seen one.
“You messages for praise: I messages for criticism” is literally taped to my office wall where I can always see it.
I work in faculty development (helping college professors teach more effectively using evidence-based practices), and YES. (Fwiw, I advocate now for an evidence-based practice called "wise feedback," where you acknowledge the task is challenging, provide evidence that the student can do it, and then provide concrete directions for improvement. Even in my TA days, I realized the compliment sandwich broke down when I wanted to write on student work, "You turned in a paper. Almost everything about the paper is wrong. But anyway, I look forward to your next assignment!" Talk about a glib and terrible exclamation point there. So the first thing I changed when I was an instructor of record was to teach more skills to avoid the "everything is wrong" issue. And then I learned about wise feedback when preparing for a workshop for new TAs on how to give feedback... a revelation!)
Just came across this from the organizational psychologist Adam Grant: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/adammgrant_people-are-more-open-to-constructive-criticism-activity-7151281568332869632-wVEW?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios
Nineteen words to frame criticism constructively.
Haven’t watched the whole video so I don’t know why he is saying it to Jennifer Garner. His stuff is usually well-grounded though.
I'm sure you know way more about this than I do, but in a lot of my grading experiences, it seemed really clear to me that the students had never encountered criticism of their writing that wasn't personal or emotional. Whereas I came from a journalism background before teaching, so I was used to getting literally hundreds of corrections, often in real time. I also found the "compliment sandwich" inadequate for the task... instead, I would usually say something more general at the start of the semester about how I approached their writing in the context of a relationship of care, then encouraged them to ask questions about that if it was unclear. But boy howdy, it could be hard, especially when it was something important.
IMO the feedback sandwich is unhelpful and confusing. I would fall on the side of direct, concise feedback as soon as possible. Frequently it’s possible to separate praise and feedback (and hopefully you’re doing more praise). When I think about the really young / recent graduate coworkers that had difficulty transitioning to the workplace, a lot of it was because they didn’t get direct feedback and didn’t even know they needed to improve.
Truth! We need this.
I use exclamation pounts a lot. My personality is also a lot. I am turning 50 thus year and I decided IDGAF about it. I work in a female dominated industry and I think that it is my job to communicate as who I am to the young women who report to me who can be afraid of their own shadow.
A friend/colleague (female) and I were commiserating about this man I have to deal with in one of our projects. I showed her my reply to one of his dry, brusque scolding emails and she told me, “way too many !s in your reply to him. You’re too nice.” So I said, “yet I seem to be getting the job done despite this excess of pleasantness.” Am I playing into those stereotypes you describe about femininity? Probably. Also is it my way to generally catch more bees with honey? For sure.
Yes also I work with some men who give no fucks about pleasantries and honestly I find it really unpleasant. So much so that I may find another job, so their loss. Work sucks a lot of the time, let’s all be nicer while we’re there.
This. Gendered differences in communication, it seems, are gendered *responses* to the systems of power around us --and also how we can subvert them!
Love this, especially as I'm an equally enthusiastic exclaimer! You probably know the work of linguist Deborah Tannen who researched gender differences, including the use of language online. Comparing male/ female texting she found a treasure trove of emoticons in women's writing, and much shorter, almost short-hand texts from men, with far fewer visuals. It's a classic metaphor for different communication styles that remain such a big issue at work.
I've spent the last 20 years on gender balancing corporations around the world, and skilling leaders up to be able to become 'gender bilingual' so they can work effectively across genders (now adding generations too). It's teaching them exactly the sort of thing your essay points to. Don't turn women into men, use their differences to make your team and organisation flourish...
Keep it up!
Came here specifically to mention Deborah Tannen’s work! The section on texting in YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN TELL (and how women use punctuation and emoticons/emojis to convey nonverbal cues and reinforce bonds) was excellent!
Yes! Reinforcing bonds! When a person in a leadership position uses an exclamation point with me, it feels like a warm hug. I'm a very tired, 40 year old academic woman surrounded by folks who wear layer upon layer of patriarchal professionalism. When I get an exclamation point from a leader it feels like that person trusts me enough to toss off their facade and give me their warm, authentic self. It's a rare and comforting thing.
fantastic, i heard her speak in Chautauqua a few years back and didn't know she had published a book about this. Buying it now. I think all her work is fabulous. Thanks Erin!
This is fascinating. What a great career topic you have!
As a copywriter, I love love LOVE thinking about how nuance and meaning get expressed (or lost) depending on what words, punctuation, emojis, and emphasis we use in written communication. How (and when) should you try to mimic nonverbal cues?
I’ve had super-nerdy discussions with colleagues over how best to replicate the feeling of excitement (Best. Day. EVER.), headline capitalization (sentence case feels friendlier and more modern, but ending them with periods feel bro-y), what emojis to use to convey a particular feeling, and when it’s appropriate to use slang or break grammar rules (yes, Steve from Customer Success, we meant to use “‘K?” and “inspo” in that social post).
I will say this, though: the way I communicate as a senior permalancer in a creative role for an unstuffy company is VERY different than how I did when I was 24 and working at a male-dominated engineering firm. 😬
At least once a week, I think how grateful I am to work predominantly with women, just because it makes communication so much less fraught. My department must be 90% female or non-binary and the ease of communication is something I treasure. I do, of course, adjust my style for certain people and I understand that certain topics require a serious tone, but during an average day, I’m “thank you!!”-ing left and right. I can’t envision myself in an environment where I’m not shooting off “you’re the best!”s. It’s delightful!
I work in a pretty male-dominated environment (they're still proud of the women's locker rooms which were added for the first time 5 years ago!) and I'm the absolute cheeriest all the time. Non stop "thank you!!"s and "You rock!" and "This is why you're my fave!!" The guys are always like, what are you so smiley and happy about? and I'm like, well being grouchy isn't going to fix anything! My dark side is pointedly adding "Please" to the end of other people's requests. Everyone can learn to mind their d*mn manners!
This sounds so refreshing
I’m just fascinated with the concept of professionalism and how/if it can be separated from sexism, racism, classism, etc. As a supervisor (in a behavioral health organization), I want to think there are still some relevant elements to how we want people to “show up”, but it feels murkier to me all the time. More on this topic please!
Yes, and ableism! Neurodivergent communication is too often badly misunderstood by neurotypicals, leading to staggering unemployment rates among the neurodivergent.
Yes! An excellent point.
I'm super cognizant of this in my role as mentor for a young woman in my field - she's often seeking feedback on her behavior/performance in new situations and I struggle between telling her how to "assimilate" vs. encouraging her to "be herself, always". Like, she would probably be more effective at her job in the short term if she behaved differently, but I know from personal experience that quashing part of yourself to be accepted/respected in your role is soul-crushing in the long term.
I love the Atlantic piece on Peggy's pics. We're anticipating the grief of losing our guy Cooper, and in advance I spent a weepy couple of hours curating the ultimate photo album of him, talking to him while I went through the memories. Remember when you spent 20 minutes rolling in the snow in Stanley? Remember when you befriended that horse in McCall? Remember when you got mad at us because it was raining outside the tent? I did this for our cat Snoots that we lost tragically in January too. The dynamic phone background helped then, and it'll help again soon. Can't recommend a better way to grieve and appreciate a very best friend.
I've been thinking a lot about you and Cooper — it's both easier and harder to have the time before the necessary comes. Sending you lots of love and care, especially since you have had a PARTICULARLY arduous pet emergency year. It's all so much and all so important.
I am laid up after a fall (while on vacation over Christmas…sigh). To fill the time and to feel productive I have been culling my camera roll (15k images is just too much).
So many photos of our sweet dog Rose (who left us too soon in 2019, age 6) have made me realize that we never really get over the loss of those we love so deeply. But, it was worth it to have had them in our lives.
The “Just Trust Me” article hit hard, and I’m still a bit teary. Thank you for sharing it.
Very sorry about your fall, and your sweet doggo. Pets are so special and never really leave us, do they? Unrelated and sorry to piggy-back this question on your post - are there links at the end of this post like the Just Trust Me? I'm only seeing the article and no links and wondering if that is just me...
They’re in your subscriber email - I put them in the footer (that only goes to subscribers) so they don’t show up in the app or here on the “live” post. Hope that makes sense! (Exclamation point!)
Oh! That’s good to know; I only read Substack newsletters in the app, not via email. But I had no idea I was missing part of the newsletter so I’ll change that! Thanks!
(And I love using exclamation points - obviously!)
Thank you for asking! This has solved the mystery I've had for the longest time!
Oh same! Thank you for asking this
Same. Learn something new... I guess.
hmmmm I’m a subscriber but didn’t get an email like usual? So no links? May have to have a word with Gmail....
Oh weird! If you’re commenting you’re definitely a subscriber - check your spam, but also check your subscriber preferences in your substack account (some people accidentally turn off emails)
So apparently I had “smart” notifications on, which means I get notified in email or in the app, but not both? I’m not sure if that means Substack just...decides?... how it’s going to tell me about a new post? I’ve seen your links and such before, and know I’ve gotten notification via email before. I wonder if there was an update that changed default settings? Or perhaps my New Year’s resolution is to lose the ability to navigate technology. :) I’ve changed settings to notifications in both places and we’ll see if that changes things. Thanks!
Oh, darn! Same here. I only get app notifications, and I kept thinking I was sure there used to be more links. Fixing my notifications now, and will not think too hard about what I’ve missed.
I too have my subscriptions delivered app-only – had no idea I was missing something! Is there a way to "re-send" past posts so that I can see the links, like for this one?
Unfortunately no — this is the hard thing about the way the platform separates paid and unpaid subscriber content! But I'm happy to forward you any from the past, just send me an email
Holy moly! Thank you so much for linking to my newsletter! (Exclamation points deserved here for sure.)
I love your essay, in part because I had recently been thinking of these issues in regard to my over-use of smiley faces :-). I catch myself using the emoticon to soften a request or to be a pleaser. Sometimes with friends the smiley face is totally fine and natural. But in emails or texts with people I’m replying to or requesting something, it undercuts my authority. It’s like ending a sentence with your voice rising and asking “OK?” As for exclamation points, I’m a fan of using them to express enthusiasm and won’t hold back!
Thanks again!
Yes, this is the piece I wanted to add to this discussion as well! When is my exclamation point and emoji use a symptom of my codependency that undermines my authority, vs when is it just a part of my personality that tends toward the easy-going and informal? I’d love to have that conversation.
And when to use what in email vs Slack…
My boss only uses the ;) winking smiley emoticon. It makes me laugh since it’s often not the right emotion but you get used to it haha
I'm fascinated by the generational differences people are talking about in the comments. I'm what I think of as a trailing edge boomer, 61 years old, with a very high level of energy and enthusiasm. If you talk with me you will feel the exclamation points. There will also be hand waving. I'm now at a level in my organization and in my career where, as someone below said, I'm just going to be me and they can deal with it. I use exclamation points when they are reflecting my authentic voice. I have the joy of doing work I really believe in and I often get to celebrate something that's worth more than one although I probably usually only use one. However, I reread my emails two or three times before sending and consider how I would feel if this email were coming to me rather than from me. I suppose looking out for the feelings of others has been turned into a gendered role but I really value kindness and don't want my emails to land like a slap in the inbox.
Years ago I remember deliberately pulling back on exclamation point use when I was working in higher ed communications. Those academics were not exclamation point people and I was young and new and didn't think I would be taken seriously.
The Washington Post just ran a quiz to determine what generation your communication style is. I only scored as 9% Boomer. I didn't like all the choices in their survey because I didn't get to say "it depends on context." That's an essential element of understanding your audience and writing to reach them.
I just turned this around in my head to think about when an exclamation point isn't used and I would like it to be or would find it entirely appropriate. I'm at the age where I get colonoscopies and if my gastroenterologist sent a medical record note that said "it's all good! you don't have any cancer!" I would sincerely share their enthusiasm for that finding.
As I read this great piece, I was reminded of Benjamin Dreyer’s riff on exclamation points: “Go light on the exclamation points. When overused they’re bossy, hectoring, and ultimately wearying. Some writers recommend that you should use no more than a dozen exclamation points per book; others insist that you should use no more than a dozen exclamation points in a lifetime.” Bwahahaha. I will die hectoring you with my exclamtion points.
First link I opened was this week’s just trust me. I had read it earlier in the Atlantic so my first reaction was Of Course! And my second was All The Tears! So poignant and true.
I’m a subscriber to the Atlantic and was halfway through the article when I realized the author was Charlie and he was talking about your Peggy and my eyes just filled up. What a lovely way technology can help process. ❤️
Hi, I'm Charley, and I'm addicted to em dashes.
As an old man, though, I'm not expected to use exclamation points most of the time. I'd like to think that when I do it makes an impressions, but that's surely just vanity. Especially as they've become more common.