Friday Thread: Divorce Feelings

I had a long conversation with my hairdresser the other day about divorce. She was raised in the LDS church, left it behind, but still felt like she needed to get married to the father of her child when she found out she was pregnant. They had another child, and divorced a few years later — and now she’s found a long-term partner who completely changed what she thought was possible when it came to relationship. They feel like a compliment, like someone she can grow with in every way. And now her kids have a bonus adult.

My hairdresser asked when my parents got divorced, and when I said “15,” she just shook her head. “That’s probably the worst time for a kid.”

And it was — in so, so many ways. Does that mean that my parents shouldn’t have gotten divorced? No. Does that mean that it didn’t suck? Oh my god of course not. But our conversation reminded me of how our thinking on divorce is constantly shifting — expanding with each example we encounter, especially when that example includes ourselves — but also refining itself as we think deeper about the relationships of those around us and what happened because they did (or did not) resist divorce.

So today’s thread is a real feelings one: How do you think about the purpose, utility, or morality of divorce, and how has that thinking shifted over time? This is a place to talk about how you’ve processed the divorces of people in your family or immediate circle, or to think about the divorce you did (or did not) seek or were forced into yourself. Divorce is technically easier today than it ever has been — or is it? How has the terror of divorce, particularly amongst people in “blue” partnerships, kept you or people you know in relationships? What are the consequences of staying in situations that are endurable but not loving? What is the reality of leaving an endurable situation without a safety net?

There are truly so many places we can go with this one, and my hope is that whatever your own feelings, you can remember that there are people in these comments who have and will suffer because of divorce, and people who have and will suffer because of a refusal of it. All of this is worthy of our conversation, but the conversation is only good if we recognize that people with experiences other than our own are participating in it. In other words, as always, don’t be butts and let’s keep this one of the good and generative places on the internet.