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So the discussion of the "unlearning" that us 90s teens have to do reminded me of a conversation I had with my 9-year-old son the other day. He's having a hard time with the world in general (same, who can blame him, we all are, etc), and I was trying to relate to him by telling him that I had a hard time as a kid because I got bullied a lot. After waiting a beat or two, he said, "I've know about bullying, but I thought that was something that only happened in TV shows." That comment slammed into my brain like a freight train. I feel like my kid is growing up on a different planet than the one I grew up on.
I am in architecture, not in media, but this sentence really resonated with me.
"So what I realized was that, in the context of being a late bloomer, BuzzFeed was the thing that I had been conditioned to want, career-wise, but that actually was not right for me."
I have been thinking a lot about what we are conditioned to want in our careers and why I feel so far behind. I did a lot of work that sounds cool and impressive! But the thought of doing it for the rest of my career filled me with dread. So I guess I'm still trying to find a little niche that I can bloom in. I'm in my mid 30's so hopefully I still have time.
Same! I am in mid-30s with a career that ticks a lot of the boxes that I thought I wanted to tick. And it was fun to tick them, and they do sound cool and impressive! But I often have any overwhelming sense of "now what" which I think is driven by a Millenial desire to earn another gold star. And now that there are no more stars to earn, I have to figure out what *I* actually want, which is surprisingly difficult.
I am going to be that person. You know Dorree???!! Dorree edited the only essay of mine that ever went viral-ish when she was at BuzzFeed, and it was a wonderful, professionalizing experience. Just the best of working with an editor. I love love love reading this and am getting that book immediately :)
I just really appreciated this interview. I've been thinking a lot lately about how do I walk the line between reveling in my age and not letting it define me (and working to truly internalize that this is a thing that is allowed!) and also keeping up with changing culture and technologies. I'm someone who is invested in pop culture in some ways, and I want to continuously relearn to understand the world I'm a part of..... but also, as I asked recently on twitter: are the only options to be at least partially out of touch or to be "try hard"?
so that's a bit of a jump off from the interview, but what do y'all think?
Good question. My thought is that what keeps us connected is curiosity. And there is no age limit on curiosity. In terms of being out of touch versus "try-hard," I am spit-balling here, but what about asking ourselves whether that new thing aligns with our values and makes us feel more or less whole and/or more or less alive? Applying any kind of rule to an age group is probably another way that women are controlled. I think it's about authenticity and knowing who you are. Some people can authentically keep up with trends because it's authentic to who they are. I think of someone like Iris Apfel and all those eclectic elders of NYC. They can hold their own against any rosy-cheeked twentysomething. (Nothing against twentysomethings.)
Also, ever-growing world of information easily leads to sensory and mental overload, so managing that is a form of self-care to me. That means I am inevitably missing out on cool things. Part of being wise at an age is being okay with missing out. So much of the "new" just creates more anxiety and feelings of inadequacy (which is the whole point of advertising right?). I don't want to buy into it, because it's also the reason behind our ecological crisis.
agreed! I don't even want to know about everything--I just want to make sure that I am making an effort to maintain curiosity, as you said above, because I think if I'm not at least partially intentional about it, then it could be easy to not even see new things, much less consider them. I think we can all bring to mind folks who have gone this route (which is really what I meant by "out of touch"); I know that I can. in some ways, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to retain that balance of curiosity and ignoring the sales pitches, so to speak
It seems like you're already doing it - avoiding being "out of touch"! I think things like reading interesting newsletters (this one, for example; Brain Pickings is one I used to subscribe to and got lots of book recommendations from), attending events where you might be "out of place," and joining groups where you can meet people of all ages (especially younger people) and backgrounds is a great way to keep yourself young in "real time". Maybe volunteering even? Your mind and heart are in the right place!
you know what?--you're totally right. I think I've been making things too complicated (downsides of being in my on head about it).
and I 100% agree about applying rules to age groups. I do not like those overgeneralization for a variety of reasons, and the intersection with gender is a big one
So the discussion of the "unlearning" that us 90s teens have to do reminded me of a conversation I had with my 9-year-old son the other day. He's having a hard time with the world in general (same, who can blame him, we all are, etc), and I was trying to relate to him by telling him that I had a hard time as a kid because I got bullied a lot. After waiting a beat or two, he said, "I've know about bullying, but I thought that was something that only happened in TV shows." That comment slammed into my brain like a freight train. I feel like my kid is growing up on a different planet than the one I grew up on.
Oof. So true.
I am in architecture, not in media, but this sentence really resonated with me.
"So what I realized was that, in the context of being a late bloomer, BuzzFeed was the thing that I had been conditioned to want, career-wise, but that actually was not right for me."
I have been thinking a lot about what we are conditioned to want in our careers and why I feel so far behind. I did a lot of work that sounds cool and impressive! But the thought of doing it for the rest of my career filled me with dread. So I guess I'm still trying to find a little niche that I can bloom in. I'm in my mid 30's so hopefully I still have time.
Same! I am in mid-30s with a career that ticks a lot of the boxes that I thought I wanted to tick. And it was fun to tick them, and they do sound cool and impressive! But I often have any overwhelming sense of "now what" which I think is driven by a Millenial desire to earn another gold star. And now that there are no more stars to earn, I have to figure out what *I* actually want, which is surprisingly difficult.
I am going to be that person. You know Dorree???!! Dorree edited the only essay of mine that ever went viral-ish when she was at BuzzFeed, and it was a wonderful, professionalizing experience. Just the best of working with an editor. I love love love reading this and am getting that book immediately :)
This made me go, AWWWW! That's so cool, Antonia!
Dorree’s cool!
I just really appreciated this interview. I've been thinking a lot lately about how do I walk the line between reveling in my age and not letting it define me (and working to truly internalize that this is a thing that is allowed!) and also keeping up with changing culture and technologies. I'm someone who is invested in pop culture in some ways, and I want to continuously relearn to understand the world I'm a part of..... but also, as I asked recently on twitter: are the only options to be at least partially out of touch or to be "try hard"?
so that's a bit of a jump off from the interview, but what do y'all think?
Good question. My thought is that what keeps us connected is curiosity. And there is no age limit on curiosity. In terms of being out of touch versus "try-hard," I am spit-balling here, but what about asking ourselves whether that new thing aligns with our values and makes us feel more or less whole and/or more or less alive? Applying any kind of rule to an age group is probably another way that women are controlled. I think it's about authenticity and knowing who you are. Some people can authentically keep up with trends because it's authentic to who they are. I think of someone like Iris Apfel and all those eclectic elders of NYC. They can hold their own against any rosy-cheeked twentysomething. (Nothing against twentysomethings.)
Also, ever-growing world of information easily leads to sensory and mental overload, so managing that is a form of self-care to me. That means I am inevitably missing out on cool things. Part of being wise at an age is being okay with missing out. So much of the "new" just creates more anxiety and feelings of inadequacy (which is the whole point of advertising right?). I don't want to buy into it, because it's also the reason behind our ecological crisis.
agreed! I don't even want to know about everything--I just want to make sure that I am making an effort to maintain curiosity, as you said above, because I think if I'm not at least partially intentional about it, then it could be easy to not even see new things, much less consider them. I think we can all bring to mind folks who have gone this route (which is really what I meant by "out of touch"); I know that I can. in some ways, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to retain that balance of curiosity and ignoring the sales pitches, so to speak
It seems like you're already doing it - avoiding being "out of touch"! I think things like reading interesting newsletters (this one, for example; Brain Pickings is one I used to subscribe to and got lots of book recommendations from), attending events where you might be "out of place," and joining groups where you can meet people of all ages (especially younger people) and backgrounds is a great way to keep yourself young in "real time". Maybe volunteering even? Your mind and heart are in the right place!
you know what?--you're totally right. I think I've been making things too complicated (downsides of being in my on head about it).
and I 100% agree about applying rules to age groups. I do not like those overgeneralization for a variety of reasons, and the intersection with gender is a big one
Really looking forward to reading Doree's book! And I loved how much your friendship shines through in the intro and interview :)
As a former media person transitioning into academia, I have the opposite problem in terms of "showing [my] work," lol
I just followed Doree and can't wait to read her book!