This is the Sunday edition of Culture Study — the newsletter from Anne Helen Petersen, which you can read about here. If you like it and want more like it in your inbox, consider subscribing. Here is a potentially familiar scene. You are exhausted after working a full day, the sort of day when you felt like your attention was drawn in 20 different directions, where you were ricocheting between obligations and meetings and running six minutes late to pick-up and realizing that if you didn’t put that load of laundry in the wash
C.S. Lewis described this very well in his Screwtape Letters. And the thought of this quote, written in the voice of a senior tempter giving advice to a junior one, is sometimes enough to snap me out of the behavior. It shifts me from tired to angry. I don’t want to give Satan the satisfaction.
“ As the uneasiness and reluctance to face it cut him off more and more from all real happiness, and as habit renders the pleasures the vanity and excitement and flippancy at once less pleasant and harder to forgo...you will find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention. You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday's paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people whom he likes, but also in conversations with those he cares nothing about, on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and outgoing activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and nothing given in return, so that at last he may say...'I now see that I spent most my life doing in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.’”
There was a time not long ago when I was working full time while caring for my quadriplegic mother and raising a toddler. I did mindless activities rather than sleeping all the time and was in survival mode.
I would suggest that revenge bedtime procrastination extends beyond the first layer of capitalism. I agree our toxic work culture can cause this as a widespread phenomenon, but I feel like in the US it also connects to the ideal of rugged individualism and our lack of a social safety net.
"This is what happens when you don’t have anywhere to put your rage, your dissatisfaction, your deep sadness that this [waves hands wildly] might be every day, every week, every year for the rest of your life." One reason I appreciate your writing so much is that my feelings are validated and put into words. I think one of the reasons we have this rage is because, in my experience, even when I try to have thoughtful conversations with friends and family members about how out of wack work/life balance is in the US (and where I live, in Boston), I am met with weird platitudes of "find something you love and it doesn't feel like working!" or incredulous reactions to considering a 4-day work week.
I woke up this morning from doing just that; and I feel more exhausted, disappointed, and dissatisfied than ever. I think it is like any other unhealthy coping mechanism, it doesn’t feel great in the moment, but it does distract you from whatever you feel you “need” to be doing or will have to do as soon as you roll over the next morning. In a pandemic world where worker agency has gone down even more, bedtime feels like a place where, even foolishly, we try to gain back some control of our lives.
I am retired, in a lifelong LTR, and manage my own time with few hard demands (domestic duties, plus some legal stuff). And I still have this problem. I’ve gone on leave from two book clubs because I can’t seem to get the books read.
Yet here I am, having just downloaded a sleep app to guilt me in to turning off the damn light and putting down the phone.
Revenge procrastination? Yes, but from what? Am I afraid to be alone with my thoughts? Because there is definitely some unexpressed rage in here.
"We self-sabotage as a shitty substitute for labor awareness and/or collective action."
I think a lot of us are very aware at this point that our labor conditions suck but feel like there's no hope in anything collectively changing. If a global pandemic couldn't change people's minds and lead towards progress, then nothing will, so might as well indulge in some escapism on our phones while laying in bed not sleeping! Sigh.
I really liked this recent Atlantic article because it details some concrete steps for building hope: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/09/hope-optimism-happiness/620164/ The basic idea is to build hope by taking action on the micro level. I really related to the article because I've done advocacy work to end homelessness on the local level..."Avoid illusions of being the invincible savior; instead, imagine helping one real person, convincing one policy maker, or increasing the compassion of one fellow citizen." Literally it has to be that small - focus on one person - or you will lose your mind! Systems of oppression are hard to change but you can help some people through. I need to constantly remind myself of this so that I don't lose hope.
if I work all day and go straight to bed, even if I’m exhausted, I don’t want to go to sleep just to start it all over again. and if my dreams are all about work too, it’s like no break at all. so I sacrifice sleep for a few hours of reading, insta-scrolling, or show bingeing. I hate how tired I feel the next day but at least I snuck in a little self-indulgence first!
Every night I aim to be in bed by 11 PM and every night it's near 1 AM because there's the yoga I want to do, the book I want to finish a chapter in, and an episode of a show I want to keep getting through (Voyager, I will finish you!).
What I've kind of started doing (and what I know is not possible for people across the board and there is a level of privilege here) is taking that time back, where and when possible, while I'm at work. If I finish something early, I sit on it for a bit and read, or I make sure I'm taking my entire hour for lunch, etc. I also don't have kids, I don't have a senior position at my current job, and this is only at one of my jobs. My other job I can't do any kind of "take back my time" because it's an under-staffed, continuously busy place that barely allows for bathroom breaks because it's that nonstop.
One of the other things I've really started considering is how much time I spend on my phone. I know I want to do the other stuff, and I've started using my iPhone's sleep function to lock down apps and I have to make the choice to access them again. It doesn't always work but sometimes it does.
But yup: I definitely put sleep off for another half hour most nights because I don't have time during the day and I want to have some things in my life I thoroughly enjoy.
Now that I’m in my mid-40s, I genuinely can’t function without 8 hours of sleep. What has really, really helped is leaving my phone downstairs at night and not checking until coffee is brewing the next morning.
And like Annie and so many us, I’m entrenched in the freelance/gig economy. When I do have to stay up until 11 or midnight working, It’s a relief to know that I can often start later the next day, or rest in the afternoon once deadlines have been met.
I am the QUEEN of revenge bedtime procrastination. It has been especially bad through the pandemic as I have been working a day shift as opposed to my usual swing shift hours and my body really does not care to go to sleep before 2am. However the last month has been better since I started playing the game Wingspan on my iPad. It somehow satisfies my brain in a different way than scrolling does and I weirdly find I don't feel the need to scroll nearly as much. I'm feeling much more focused in general and I know there are studies about gaming and neuroplasticity. I would love to see more science on the relationship between the brain and the internet for good and bad but for now this is working for me so I'll take it!
I've been back to reread this one a few times already-- thank you. This really hit home and tipped me over into a paid subscription. The work you're doing is so valuable. <3
I justify my own revenge bedtime procrastination, but it's increasingly hard to see my mother's. She doesn't work and she won't go to bed until 2-3 am, sleeping until the afternoon the next day. She blows through scheduled appointments and meetings with friends - sometimes showing up over an hour late. She no longer volunteers and has even missed medical appointments. Her issues are more serious than simply trying to take part of the day back for herself and I'm trying to get more extensive medical help for her, but in her extreme case, I can clearly see the way it's taking from her and the people around her and giving nothing back.
C.S. Lewis described this very well in his Screwtape Letters. And the thought of this quote, written in the voice of a senior tempter giving advice to a junior one, is sometimes enough to snap me out of the behavior. It shifts me from tired to angry. I don’t want to give Satan the satisfaction.
“ As the uneasiness and reluctance to face it cut him off more and more from all real happiness, and as habit renders the pleasures the vanity and excitement and flippancy at once less pleasant and harder to forgo...you will find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention. You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday's paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people whom he likes, but also in conversations with those he cares nothing about, on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and outgoing activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and nothing given in return, so that at last he may say...'I now see that I spent most my life doing in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.’”
There was a time not long ago when I was working full time while caring for my quadriplegic mother and raising a toddler. I did mindless activities rather than sleeping all the time and was in survival mode.
I would suggest that revenge bedtime procrastination extends beyond the first layer of capitalism. I agree our toxic work culture can cause this as a widespread phenomenon, but I feel like in the US it also connects to the ideal of rugged individualism and our lack of a social safety net.
"This is what happens when you don’t have anywhere to put your rage, your dissatisfaction, your deep sadness that this [waves hands wildly] might be every day, every week, every year for the rest of your life." One reason I appreciate your writing so much is that my feelings are validated and put into words. I think one of the reasons we have this rage is because, in my experience, even when I try to have thoughtful conversations with friends and family members about how out of wack work/life balance is in the US (and where I live, in Boston), I am met with weird platitudes of "find something you love and it doesn't feel like working!" or incredulous reactions to considering a 4-day work week.
I woke up this morning from doing just that; and I feel more exhausted, disappointed, and dissatisfied than ever. I think it is like any other unhealthy coping mechanism, it doesn’t feel great in the moment, but it does distract you from whatever you feel you “need” to be doing or will have to do as soon as you roll over the next morning. In a pandemic world where worker agency has gone down even more, bedtime feels like a place where, even foolishly, we try to gain back some control of our lives.
I am retired, in a lifelong LTR, and manage my own time with few hard demands (domestic duties, plus some legal stuff). And I still have this problem. I’ve gone on leave from two book clubs because I can’t seem to get the books read.
Yet here I am, having just downloaded a sleep app to guilt me in to turning off the damn light and putting down the phone.
Revenge procrastination? Yes, but from what? Am I afraid to be alone with my thoughts? Because there is definitely some unexpressed rage in here.
"We self-sabotage as a shitty substitute for labor awareness and/or collective action."
I think a lot of us are very aware at this point that our labor conditions suck but feel like there's no hope in anything collectively changing. If a global pandemic couldn't change people's minds and lead towards progress, then nothing will, so might as well indulge in some escapism on our phones while laying in bed not sleeping! Sigh.
I really liked this recent Atlantic article because it details some concrete steps for building hope: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/09/hope-optimism-happiness/620164/ The basic idea is to build hope by taking action on the micro level. I really related to the article because I've done advocacy work to end homelessness on the local level..."Avoid illusions of being the invincible savior; instead, imagine helping one real person, convincing one policy maker, or increasing the compassion of one fellow citizen." Literally it has to be that small - focus on one person - or you will lose your mind! Systems of oppression are hard to change but you can help some people through. I need to constantly remind myself of this so that I don't lose hope.
if I work all day and go straight to bed, even if I’m exhausted, I don’t want to go to sleep just to start it all over again. and if my dreams are all about work too, it’s like no break at all. so I sacrifice sleep for a few hours of reading, insta-scrolling, or show bingeing. I hate how tired I feel the next day but at least I snuck in a little self-indulgence first!
"We self-sabotage as a shitty substitute for labor awareness and/or collective action."
I'll share this piece far and wide. Those with ears to hear...
Every night I aim to be in bed by 11 PM and every night it's near 1 AM because there's the yoga I want to do, the book I want to finish a chapter in, and an episode of a show I want to keep getting through (Voyager, I will finish you!).
What I've kind of started doing (and what I know is not possible for people across the board and there is a level of privilege here) is taking that time back, where and when possible, while I'm at work. If I finish something early, I sit on it for a bit and read, or I make sure I'm taking my entire hour for lunch, etc. I also don't have kids, I don't have a senior position at my current job, and this is only at one of my jobs. My other job I can't do any kind of "take back my time" because it's an under-staffed, continuously busy place that barely allows for bathroom breaks because it's that nonstop.
One of the other things I've really started considering is how much time I spend on my phone. I know I want to do the other stuff, and I've started using my iPhone's sleep function to lock down apps and I have to make the choice to access them again. It doesn't always work but sometimes it does.
But yup: I definitely put sleep off for another half hour most nights because I don't have time during the day and I want to have some things in my life I thoroughly enjoy.
Now that I’m in my mid-40s, I genuinely can’t function without 8 hours of sleep. What has really, really helped is leaving my phone downstairs at night and not checking until coffee is brewing the next morning.
And like Annie and so many us, I’m entrenched in the freelance/gig economy. When I do have to stay up until 11 or midnight working, It’s a relief to know that I can often start later the next day, or rest in the afternoon once deadlines have been met.
I am the QUEEN of revenge bedtime procrastination. It has been especially bad through the pandemic as I have been working a day shift as opposed to my usual swing shift hours and my body really does not care to go to sleep before 2am. However the last month has been better since I started playing the game Wingspan on my iPad. It somehow satisfies my brain in a different way than scrolling does and I weirdly find I don't feel the need to scroll nearly as much. I'm feeling much more focused in general and I know there are studies about gaming and neuroplasticity. I would love to see more science on the relationship between the brain and the internet for good and bad but for now this is working for me so I'll take it!
AHP- Is Peggy not listening to you vent ??
I've been back to reread this one a few times already-- thank you. This really hit home and tipped me over into a paid subscription. The work you're doing is so valuable. <3
I justify my own revenge bedtime procrastination, but it's increasingly hard to see my mother's. She doesn't work and she won't go to bed until 2-3 am, sleeping until the afternoon the next day. She blows through scheduled appointments and meetings with friends - sometimes showing up over an hour late. She no longer volunteers and has even missed medical appointments. Her issues are more serious than simply trying to take part of the day back for herself and I'm trying to get more extensive medical help for her, but in her extreme case, I can clearly see the way it's taking from her and the people around her and giving nothing back.