“But I don’t think we can have either of these conversations without talking about the sexual assault rate for millennial women in their teens and our cultures do nothing attitude about addressing sexual assault.”
Yes.
One of the men who babysat me as a young child (mid-80s) was later convicted of sexually assaulting some other kids that h…
“But I don’t think we can have either of these conversations without talking about the sexual assault rate for millennial women in their teens and our cultures do nothing attitude about addressing sexual assault.”
Yes.
One of the men who babysat me as a young child (mid-80s) was later convicted of sexually assaulting some other kids that he’d babysat (conviction was mid-90s). I don’t recall if he ever did anything inappropriate with me or my siblings; I was so little at the time and I have only vague recollections of him (mostly that he gave us more ice cream than we were allowed, so I adored him). He was someone my parents knew intimately for decades. My parents were strict, cautious people, and didn’t allow many people to babysit us, but they had trusted him completely.
When I was in my twenties, I was cleaning out my old bedroom at my parents’ house, and I found a stack of letters from him. (I didn’t recall having received these letters.) He had written them after he’d moved away to attend college. Letter after letter telling me how much he liked me, and how much he thought about me, and how he hoped to come back and visit me during holidays. I had been in early elementary school when he’d sent these. It was so horrifying to realize that during the years before he got convicted, he’d obviously been attempting to groom me and my parents didn’t realize it.
Not everyone has experience with pedophiles in their lives, but most women that I know in my age cohort have experienced sexual assault (although back then, our date rapes weren’t considered assaults). And all women of any age have experienced harassment.
We talk about how hard it is to trust others after you’ve experienced assault or attempted assault, but it’s also extremely hard to trust *your own* judgment again.
I am absolutely picky about who watches my child. Many of my child’s relatives are very irate that I haven’t permitted them to spend time alone with my kid, but I’d rather be hated and labelled as over-protective than get these decisions wrong.
I don’t think we’re going to increase the prevalence of casual babysitting or remedy the gender gap in babysitting / child care until we’ve (a) dealt with misogyny in some meaningful way; and (b) made some progress in understanding and treating pedophilia.
Yes the banal way so many of us either experienced or lived in proximity to someone we know well who experienced this is sobering. And your a & b points are dead on.
“I am absolutely picky about who watches my child. Many of my child’s relatives are very irate that I haven’t permitted them to spend time alone with my kid, but I’d rather be hated and labelled as over-protective than get these decisions wrong.”
“But I don’t think we can have either of these conversations without talking about the sexual assault rate for millennial women in their teens and our cultures do nothing attitude about addressing sexual assault.”
Yes.
One of the men who babysat me as a young child (mid-80s) was later convicted of sexually assaulting some other kids that he’d babysat (conviction was mid-90s). I don’t recall if he ever did anything inappropriate with me or my siblings; I was so little at the time and I have only vague recollections of him (mostly that he gave us more ice cream than we were allowed, so I adored him). He was someone my parents knew intimately for decades. My parents were strict, cautious people, and didn’t allow many people to babysit us, but they had trusted him completely.
When I was in my twenties, I was cleaning out my old bedroom at my parents’ house, and I found a stack of letters from him. (I didn’t recall having received these letters.) He had written them after he’d moved away to attend college. Letter after letter telling me how much he liked me, and how much he thought about me, and how he hoped to come back and visit me during holidays. I had been in early elementary school when he’d sent these. It was so horrifying to realize that during the years before he got convicted, he’d obviously been attempting to groom me and my parents didn’t realize it.
Not everyone has experience with pedophiles in their lives, but most women that I know in my age cohort have experienced sexual assault (although back then, our date rapes weren’t considered assaults). And all women of any age have experienced harassment.
We talk about how hard it is to trust others after you’ve experienced assault or attempted assault, but it’s also extremely hard to trust *your own* judgment again.
I am absolutely picky about who watches my child. Many of my child’s relatives are very irate that I haven’t permitted them to spend time alone with my kid, but I’d rather be hated and labelled as over-protective than get these decisions wrong.
I don’t think we’re going to increase the prevalence of casual babysitting or remedy the gender gap in babysitting / child care until we’ve (a) dealt with misogyny in some meaningful way; and (b) made some progress in understanding and treating pedophilia.
Yes the banal way so many of us either experienced or lived in proximity to someone we know well who experienced this is sobering. And your a & b points are dead on.
“I am absolutely picky about who watches my child. Many of my child’s relatives are very irate that I haven’t permitted them to spend time alone with my kid, but I’d rather be hated and labelled as over-protective than get these decisions wrong.”
I’m in the same boat, one hundred percent.