I was thinking exactly this. The problem for us, and most other mothers I know in our medium sized city in the Intermountain west, is that they don’t know any teens to call. Having left the religion of my upbringing it feels like spaces where intergenerational relationships exist like this are few and far between (or non existent?). In o…
I was thinking exactly this. The problem for us, and most other mothers I know in our medium sized city in the Intermountain west, is that they don’t know any teens to call. Having left the religion of my upbringing it feels like spaces where intergenerational relationships exist like this are few and far between (or non existent?). In our case, we happen to live on a street with 2 11-year olds who just started babysitting this year and it has been THE DREAM. We have 2 children 5 and under and it’s so great to be able to give the girls across the street the experience and our kids a chance to be cared for by someone else. That being said, our neighbors down the street with kids slightly older than ours have never used the sitters, and have said it’s because they just don’t feel comfortable with their age. They also tend toward more intensive parenting across many topics/areas. Anyway, I do think we’re maybe not the norm but I find that sad for all the same reasons AHP describes here.
really cool you're giving the 11 year olds this chance to feel responsible as they're capable of being, and to model for your <5 kiddos what bigger kids are capable of.
My fave 12 year old recently asked me "what does it mean to be grown up?" and we had a couple of conversations over a couple of days about parsing through "things that are part of being a grown up" versus different kinds of responsibilities and accountability that can be assumed at different ages/stages. She is a hugely caring and resourceful presence as the oldest of 4 kids, and our conversations (and her ongoing ones with other adults in her life and w/ her parents who also left the religion of their upbring and are hardcore rebuilding from scratch!) were a sweet way to work through ideas about how 12 year olds can and should be seen as accountable and capable of many things, and they are also not yet full-grown grown-ups and therefore are neither accountable nor capable of other things.
Anyway, keep on keeping on, you awesome parent doing hard re-building work!
re: intergen relationships outside church. phew, yeah, damn. I've had the best luck at local libraries (w/ younger kiddos and elders happenstance interactions or facilitated via like reading hours); in garden spaces and outdoor community work events (i.e. family-friendly brush/trail/park clean-up type stuff); and inviting older neighbors to things like birthday parties or just to sit in the backyard for an hour while kids play, it makes the older folks feel included just to be physically a low-key observational part of younger life :)
I was thinking exactly this. The problem for us, and most other mothers I know in our medium sized city in the Intermountain west, is that they don’t know any teens to call. Having left the religion of my upbringing it feels like spaces where intergenerational relationships exist like this are few and far between (or non existent?). In our case, we happen to live on a street with 2 11-year olds who just started babysitting this year and it has been THE DREAM. We have 2 children 5 and under and it’s so great to be able to give the girls across the street the experience and our kids a chance to be cared for by someone else. That being said, our neighbors down the street with kids slightly older than ours have never used the sitters, and have said it’s because they just don’t feel comfortable with their age. They also tend toward more intensive parenting across many topics/areas. Anyway, I do think we’re maybe not the norm but I find that sad for all the same reasons AHP describes here.
really cool you're giving the 11 year olds this chance to feel responsible as they're capable of being, and to model for your <5 kiddos what bigger kids are capable of.
My fave 12 year old recently asked me "what does it mean to be grown up?" and we had a couple of conversations over a couple of days about parsing through "things that are part of being a grown up" versus different kinds of responsibilities and accountability that can be assumed at different ages/stages. She is a hugely caring and resourceful presence as the oldest of 4 kids, and our conversations (and her ongoing ones with other adults in her life and w/ her parents who also left the religion of their upbring and are hardcore rebuilding from scratch!) were a sweet way to work through ideas about how 12 year olds can and should be seen as accountable and capable of many things, and they are also not yet full-grown grown-ups and therefore are neither accountable nor capable of other things.
Anyway, keep on keeping on, you awesome parent doing hard re-building work!
re: intergen relationships outside church. phew, yeah, damn. I've had the best luck at local libraries (w/ younger kiddos and elders happenstance interactions or facilitated via like reading hours); in garden spaces and outdoor community work events (i.e. family-friendly brush/trail/park clean-up type stuff); and inviting older neighbors to things like birthday parties or just to sit in the backyard for an hour while kids play, it makes the older folks feel included just to be physically a low-key observational part of younger life :)