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One other element of commuting that is endlessly frustrating is other people commenting on it. I commute about 12 hours a week (depending on traffic), and no, I don't like it. It's also not something I can really change, so I have to try to make the best of it.
What definitely makes it worse is when I tell people where I live and where I work, and then have to deal with the faces and the "Oh my god! That's awful! How can you stand it?"
I haven't found a polite way to deal with these comments, but I have perfected the stony reaction face.
Pre-pandemic, I spent 1.5 - 2+ hours a day commuting via car, 4 days a week. I mostly listened to audiobooks/podcasts, and I told myself that I appreciated the relative quiet (i.e. it was a time when I couldn't check my phone and there wasn't a toddler who needed me). Then I worked from home for 18 months straight, right after having a second baby, and let me tell you, when they asked us to come back in, I was PISSED. I hadn't realized until I started doing it how much sitting in a car for 90 minutes a day was screwing with my body - my hips starting hurt immediately, and because I lost all that time every day, it suddenly became hard to find the time to work out to counter all the sitting. Not to mention the lost time with my two very small kids, the added chaos of having to squeeze dinner/bath/bedtime into even less time every day... suffice to say, I took a pay cut to commute less.
Also don't forget the COST of commuting. I was spending 320 a month precovid to commute to my job in SF. Drive 10 min to BART, pay 120 for monthly parking, catch an over crowded train for 40 minutes that was never only 40 minutes, walk to the shuttle, wait for a shuttle, ride a 15 minute shuttle, walk 2 blocks. Do it again in the evening. And I was "lucky" that there was a complex shuttle, that they built and I could afford the private monthly parking spot, that I could pay for this pretax and that my job didn't care when and if I was late. I'm guessing in the ten years I have spent commuting to SF I have spent almost $30,000.
100% In the past year of working from home, I've saved about $1500 just on gas, nevermind oil changes and vehicle maintenance. My commute is pretty cheap, all things considered, but I'm still not mad about that amount of savings at all.
Plus daycare drop off/pick up... Once I forgot to take the kid's lunchbox, and I just broke down and cried and canceled all my meetings bc there was just no way I could go home, get the lunchbox, AND get bart parking AND then still make it in time for meetings.
Oh yes! I forgot to mention this in my own comment, but my employer (an R1 university) makes employees pay to park. It's ~$35-45 dollars per month and taken out of our paychecks!! Aaaand in two separate recent years, they have frozen staff wages (meaning we got a pay cut after inflation), but increased the parking fees!!!
I literally want to punch that guy with his leg up on the bus. You are blocking the aisle, asshole. Nobody wants to listen to you sing along with whatever garbage is on your iPhone. You think you're cute, but you're really a jerk. Everyone on the bus hates you.
Sorry. I think I have some bus-commute-related rage to work through.
When the weather is nice, I walk to work about a half-hour each way, and it's kind of nice. I don't like the trope of the productive commute, but I enjoy having an excuse to listen to trashy audiobooks and get some low-commitment exercise. When the weather is not nice, I end up on the bus, and I don't love it. The bus stop isn't right near my house, and the bus only comes every half-hour, and not everyone wears their mask properly, and it's a pain. In my ideal world, I would work from home when it was raining or super cold, but I don't think that's really something you can ask for.
I started a new job in May of 2020, and have yet to even figure out exactly where our office building is (I can point to it on a map, but that’s about it). I was hired with the idea that I would be in-office, and it’s a fairly “easy” commute for my area (40 min on public transit, easy walks on either end of the ride). But this job has been so intense that I refuse to consider going back to commuting at all.
Every time my company sent out a “return to office” survey, I answered the same way: the colleagues I work with are distributed across the world anyway, so the only thing gained by going into the office is that they get a different background behind me in zoom meetings. And every day you make me commute is a day you lose 2 working hours from me (my attempt at creating guardrails, meager though they are).
My company recently announced a new policy - we can live anywhere we please, commuting not required. We still have HUGE work/life balance issues, but this is *something*
My commute to undergrad school in Barcelona was 1h 15min *one way*, every day, five days a week, for four years. At the beginning, I felt it was a chance for productivity, I thought it would allow me to get *more* stuff done before arriving home so then I could rest, I thought it could be a good thing. My lasts months of commuting before graduation just revealed to me that all my good feelings towards that were simply a coping mechanism to avoid seeing that commute for what it was —an insane daily torture—. I hated every single minute of it. I did my grad school in China —where living inside or close to your campus is just *normal*—, and my "commute" was a four-minute walk —or a one-minute run—. Now my commute in Paris —more grad school— is a 20-minute public transport ride, which I think is pretty close to the perfect commute. My commute in Barcelona was 50€ per month (a lot). In Paris, it is 80€ per month (also a lot). In retrospective, It's become very clear to me that commutes are as guilty of keeping young people from low-income families out of school as abusive tuition fees. For people that work, it's a way to keep them from having normal lives that don't drive them crazy. The fact that if you have a commute that's more than —let's say— 30 minutes long you're pressured to make it *productiveTM* just add to this capitalist simulation game we're living in.
The “commuting is actually awesome!” idea drives me crazy. I have a fairly ideal commute right now - under 15 minutes, opposite traffic, in a reliable car - and I still hate it. when we moved from the Bay Area (where I had a 40-60 min commute each way) we prioritized a easy commute when buying a house so we live in a neighborhood we don’t really like. Which is sad, but if make that choice again because commuting is so bad! When we were working from home the lack of commute was my favorite thing! That extra 30 min a day allowed things like going for a run in the morning or cooking a good dinner in the evening to feel enjoyable - more like hobbies than chores because I felt less rushed. Last year even when we did start going back to the office I was able to carpool with my husband and that made it better. It was only possible though because our kid had no after school activities! Now that these have resumed we are rarely both going straight home after work.
Yesss. I STILL feel the relief of not having to do the hour each way car/daycare drop-off/commuter rail/train/walk commute into Boston. It’s been five years and it’s still as awesome as waking up without a hangover.
I live in the DC suburbs. I refused to work in DC due to the commute, which would be 90 minute minimum, each way. My commute was 11 miles. I left at 6:15 am and it was 20 minutes on a good day. If I left at 7:00, it would be 45 minutes, 7:30 would be an hour and so on. Public transportation would be 2-3 hours. To get home, if I left at 4:30, it would be 45 minutes on a good day; after that, it just got progressively worse. I usually worked until 6 or 6:30 as the traffic cleared out at that point. Car pools were not possible as I couldn't set my hours due to meetings and other obligations. There is a metro stop 0.8 miles from my house but the opening keeps getting delayed. It was supposed to be 2018; now I believe it may be early 2022.
I had a GREAT commute compared to other coworkers.
In the mid 2000s, I realized I was in an abusive relationship when I came to enjoy my 90+ minute, one-way commute on 3 crammed NYC subway lines. I got to leave extra early to make it to work on time, and the more delayed my trains were on my return, the less time I had to spend at home.
That realization led to two things- a prompt end to that disaster of a relationship, and a vow to never have a commute that long or complicated again. My commute was buffering me from fully understanding the state of my life and stealing time from me that could have been spent on so many other things (ahem, therapy!) that I desperately needed to be doing.
I recently learned to drive (in my early 40s) after decades of taking public transit because I took a job that would have otherwise required a 1.5-hour commute in each direction. I have such mixed feelings about it, because I still have a long commute--it's just one where I get to listen to ridiculous podcasts out loud instead of in my headphones. It is most certainly not a productive space, and it is a compromise to my political beliefs around ecology--but between the job market and the reduction of services in public transit due to the pandemic, I feel like my hand is forced.
Commuting by subway truly sucks during rush hour, especially when there was a major delay. I would start to panic when the train was too full. Rather than go into a full meltdown, I’d get off and walk the remaining 45 minutes home. Even on a good day, it was 45 minutes to an hour. I don’t miss it one bit.
Oh this has reminded me of the temperature-regulation problems I would have on the Metro. Whenever I would have to take the train in winter I would have to walk outside in my heavy coat and then immediately remove the coat as soon as I got to the train station, lest I overheat on the train and start feeling nauseous. Sometimes I’d have to get off the train for a breather, or walk instead of my last-mile bus ride. Awful.
I have always hated commuting if I couldn’t walk or cycle - my horrific highway 4 car commute to college, my muni commute in my first job, bus from my (now) husband’s house in grad school. We’ve moved further out and now it is bus, car to train, or car all the way in. I’ve been WFH since the pandemic as I haven’t been teaching, and am going from being at home all the time to a PLANE commute! Which is absolutely insane and I feel so much eco guilt, but I’ll fly in Sunday, home Wednesday and will be able to walk once I’m there at least?
But as someone who hates commuting, I’ve never been able to afford to live close enough to walk to work.
Thank you for those last two paragraphs. I have a hunch -- one that I can neither prove nor disprove, and I know there would be exceptions regardless -- that the knowledge worker set overestimates what they can't get away with. Take the lunch break, leave at a reasonable time, don't respond to email over the weekend. I bet if many people who feel they can't get away with those things just tried them, they'd find that they can, in fact, get away with them, and it was the job-related anxiety talking all along. Plant that flag, encourage others to do so and see what happens when we all do it.
On commuting: about 20 years ago, I had a 2-hour each way commute. 4 hours of my day total. I DID think up ways to enjoy the time: music, audible books, etc. But it's a terrible chunk of your life nonetheless, tethered to a car. Now I freelance and my commute is a 30-second walk. Plus, I never have to set my alarm
I loved teaching at MSU, but the commute over the Bozeman pass was dangerous no matter what the weather, and took at least an hour on icy mornings. Department refused to schedule me reasonably, and the only bus leaves Livingston at 5:15 am and doesn't come back until 5:15 pm. So when Covid hit, and I already had freelance work from home... well, that was an easy decision. I miss my students though.
Commuting has *always* been the deal breaker for me. When I started at Cisco in the early 00's, it was 40 minutes to 1.5 hrs in stop and go traffic to go the 25 miles each way. I started working from home as soon as they'd let me.
One other element of commuting that is endlessly frustrating is other people commenting on it. I commute about 12 hours a week (depending on traffic), and no, I don't like it. It's also not something I can really change, so I have to try to make the best of it.
What definitely makes it worse is when I tell people where I live and where I work, and then have to deal with the faces and the "Oh my god! That's awful! How can you stand it?"
I haven't found a polite way to deal with these comments, but I have perfected the stony reaction face.
Pre-pandemic, I spent 1.5 - 2+ hours a day commuting via car, 4 days a week. I mostly listened to audiobooks/podcasts, and I told myself that I appreciated the relative quiet (i.e. it was a time when I couldn't check my phone and there wasn't a toddler who needed me). Then I worked from home for 18 months straight, right after having a second baby, and let me tell you, when they asked us to come back in, I was PISSED. I hadn't realized until I started doing it how much sitting in a car for 90 minutes a day was screwing with my body - my hips starting hurt immediately, and because I lost all that time every day, it suddenly became hard to find the time to work out to counter all the sitting. Not to mention the lost time with my two very small kids, the added chaos of having to squeeze dinner/bath/bedtime into even less time every day... suffice to say, I took a pay cut to commute less.
I could have doubled my salary by commuting into DC. Not worth it.
Also don't forget the COST of commuting. I was spending 320 a month precovid to commute to my job in SF. Drive 10 min to BART, pay 120 for monthly parking, catch an over crowded train for 40 minutes that was never only 40 minutes, walk to the shuttle, wait for a shuttle, ride a 15 minute shuttle, walk 2 blocks. Do it again in the evening. And I was "lucky" that there was a complex shuttle, that they built and I could afford the private monthly parking spot, that I could pay for this pretax and that my job didn't care when and if I was late. I'm guessing in the ten years I have spent commuting to SF I have spent almost $30,000.
100% In the past year of working from home, I've saved about $1500 just on gas, nevermind oil changes and vehicle maintenance. My commute is pretty cheap, all things considered, but I'm still not mad about that amount of savings at all.
BART PARKING the worst. and then the added shuttle/muni/bus/walk to get anywhere... so stressful
Plus daycare drop off/pick up... Once I forgot to take the kid's lunchbox, and I just broke down and cried and canceled all my meetings bc there was just no way I could go home, get the lunchbox, AND get bart parking AND then still make it in time for meetings.
Oh yes! I forgot to mention this in my own comment, but my employer (an R1 university) makes employees pay to park. It's ~$35-45 dollars per month and taken out of our paychecks!! Aaaand in two separate recent years, they have frozen staff wages (meaning we got a pay cut after inflation), but increased the parking fees!!!
I literally want to punch that guy with his leg up on the bus. You are blocking the aisle, asshole. Nobody wants to listen to you sing along with whatever garbage is on your iPhone. You think you're cute, but you're really a jerk. Everyone on the bus hates you.
Sorry. I think I have some bus-commute-related rage to work through.
When the weather is nice, I walk to work about a half-hour each way, and it's kind of nice. I don't like the trope of the productive commute, but I enjoy having an excuse to listen to trashy audiobooks and get some low-commitment exercise. When the weather is not nice, I end up on the bus, and I don't love it. The bus stop isn't right near my house, and the bus only comes every half-hour, and not everyone wears their mask properly, and it's a pain. In my ideal world, I would work from home when it was raining or super cold, but I don't think that's really something you can ask for.
I started a new job in May of 2020, and have yet to even figure out exactly where our office building is (I can point to it on a map, but that’s about it). I was hired with the idea that I would be in-office, and it’s a fairly “easy” commute for my area (40 min on public transit, easy walks on either end of the ride). But this job has been so intense that I refuse to consider going back to commuting at all.
Every time my company sent out a “return to office” survey, I answered the same way: the colleagues I work with are distributed across the world anyway, so the only thing gained by going into the office is that they get a different background behind me in zoom meetings. And every day you make me commute is a day you lose 2 working hours from me (my attempt at creating guardrails, meager though they are).
My company recently announced a new policy - we can live anywhere we please, commuting not required. We still have HUGE work/life balance issues, but this is *something*
My commute to undergrad school in Barcelona was 1h 15min *one way*, every day, five days a week, for four years. At the beginning, I felt it was a chance for productivity, I thought it would allow me to get *more* stuff done before arriving home so then I could rest, I thought it could be a good thing. My lasts months of commuting before graduation just revealed to me that all my good feelings towards that were simply a coping mechanism to avoid seeing that commute for what it was —an insane daily torture—. I hated every single minute of it. I did my grad school in China —where living inside or close to your campus is just *normal*—, and my "commute" was a four-minute walk —or a one-minute run—. Now my commute in Paris —more grad school— is a 20-minute public transport ride, which I think is pretty close to the perfect commute. My commute in Barcelona was 50€ per month (a lot). In Paris, it is 80€ per month (also a lot). In retrospective, It's become very clear to me that commutes are as guilty of keeping young people from low-income families out of school as abusive tuition fees. For people that work, it's a way to keep them from having normal lives that don't drive them crazy. The fact that if you have a commute that's more than —let's say— 30 minutes long you're pressured to make it *productiveTM* just add to this capitalist simulation game we're living in.
The “commuting is actually awesome!” idea drives me crazy. I have a fairly ideal commute right now - under 15 minutes, opposite traffic, in a reliable car - and I still hate it. when we moved from the Bay Area (where I had a 40-60 min commute each way) we prioritized a easy commute when buying a house so we live in a neighborhood we don’t really like. Which is sad, but if make that choice again because commuting is so bad! When we were working from home the lack of commute was my favorite thing! That extra 30 min a day allowed things like going for a run in the morning or cooking a good dinner in the evening to feel enjoyable - more like hobbies than chores because I felt less rushed. Last year even when we did start going back to the office I was able to carpool with my husband and that made it better. It was only possible though because our kid had no after school activities! Now that these have resumed we are rarely both going straight home after work.
Yesss. I STILL feel the relief of not having to do the hour each way car/daycare drop-off/commuter rail/train/walk commute into Boston. It’s been five years and it’s still as awesome as waking up without a hangover.
Also, those pics and captions are gold.
I live in the DC suburbs. I refused to work in DC due to the commute, which would be 90 minute minimum, each way. My commute was 11 miles. I left at 6:15 am and it was 20 minutes on a good day. If I left at 7:00, it would be 45 minutes, 7:30 would be an hour and so on. Public transportation would be 2-3 hours. To get home, if I left at 4:30, it would be 45 minutes on a good day; after that, it just got progressively worse. I usually worked until 6 or 6:30 as the traffic cleared out at that point. Car pools were not possible as I couldn't set my hours due to meetings and other obligations. There is a metro stop 0.8 miles from my house but the opening keeps getting delayed. It was supposed to be 2018; now I believe it may be early 2022.
I had a GREAT commute compared to other coworkers.
In the mid 2000s, I realized I was in an abusive relationship when I came to enjoy my 90+ minute, one-way commute on 3 crammed NYC subway lines. I got to leave extra early to make it to work on time, and the more delayed my trains were on my return, the less time I had to spend at home.
That realization led to two things- a prompt end to that disaster of a relationship, and a vow to never have a commute that long or complicated again. My commute was buffering me from fully understanding the state of my life and stealing time from me that could have been spent on so many other things (ahem, therapy!) that I desperately needed to be doing.
I recently learned to drive (in my early 40s) after decades of taking public transit because I took a job that would have otherwise required a 1.5-hour commute in each direction. I have such mixed feelings about it, because I still have a long commute--it's just one where I get to listen to ridiculous podcasts out loud instead of in my headphones. It is most certainly not a productive space, and it is a compromise to my political beliefs around ecology--but between the job market and the reduction of services in public transit due to the pandemic, I feel like my hand is forced.
Commuting by subway truly sucks during rush hour, especially when there was a major delay. I would start to panic when the train was too full. Rather than go into a full meltdown, I’d get off and walk the remaining 45 minutes home. Even on a good day, it was 45 minutes to an hour. I don’t miss it one bit.
Oh this has reminded me of the temperature-regulation problems I would have on the Metro. Whenever I would have to take the train in winter I would have to walk outside in my heavy coat and then immediately remove the coat as soon as I got to the train station, lest I overheat on the train and start feeling nauseous. Sometimes I’d have to get off the train for a breather, or walk instead of my last-mile bus ride. Awful.
I have always hated commuting if I couldn’t walk or cycle - my horrific highway 4 car commute to college, my muni commute in my first job, bus from my (now) husband’s house in grad school. We’ve moved further out and now it is bus, car to train, or car all the way in. I’ve been WFH since the pandemic as I haven’t been teaching, and am going from being at home all the time to a PLANE commute! Which is absolutely insane and I feel so much eco guilt, but I’ll fly in Sunday, home Wednesday and will be able to walk once I’m there at least?
But as someone who hates commuting, I’ve never been able to afford to live close enough to walk to work.
Thank you for those last two paragraphs. I have a hunch -- one that I can neither prove nor disprove, and I know there would be exceptions regardless -- that the knowledge worker set overestimates what they can't get away with. Take the lunch break, leave at a reasonable time, don't respond to email over the weekend. I bet if many people who feel they can't get away with those things just tried them, they'd find that they can, in fact, get away with them, and it was the job-related anxiety talking all along. Plant that flag, encourage others to do so and see what happens when we all do it.
On commuting: about 20 years ago, I had a 2-hour each way commute. 4 hours of my day total. I DID think up ways to enjoy the time: music, audible books, etc. But it's a terrible chunk of your life nonetheless, tethered to a car. Now I freelance and my commute is a 30-second walk. Plus, I never have to set my alarm
I loved teaching at MSU, but the commute over the Bozeman pass was dangerous no matter what the weather, and took at least an hour on icy mornings. Department refused to schedule me reasonably, and the only bus leaves Livingston at 5:15 am and doesn't come back until 5:15 pm. So when Covid hit, and I already had freelance work from home... well, that was an easy decision. I miss my students though.
Commuting has *always* been the deal breaker for me. When I started at Cisco in the early 00's, it was 40 minutes to 1.5 hrs in stop and go traffic to go the 25 miles each way. I started working from home as soon as they'd let me.