I do want to just chime and in and say many libraries still employ this kind of person -- the Reader's Advisory staff -- for bespoke recommendations. I was that person at my last library job, and while I was there we started doing limited runs of personalized book boxes (three books + a snack and a craft or a goodie), based on a short survey that patrons filled out. As the staff, we tried REALLY hard to give these patrons books we thought they would love; we wanted them to love what we picked, yeah, but we also wanted them to keep coming back to the library.
Which is essentially what you've said in this piece. In terms of bespoke recommendations though, I think there's an element of feeling special. Of feeling seen. Of feeling like someone has you in mind when choosing something.
I’m one of those librarians. I manage a small-town library and my whole team is great at matching books with people. The greatest joy of my job is selecting books for the library. I read reviews, subscribe to several bookish newsletters & swap reading ideas with colleagues all over the country. Those personal recommendations are most valuable to me. But I have gotten to know which published review sources are most reliable. If you’re looking for book recommendations, always ask a librarian. Where reading is concerned, we’re the Queens of Know (thank you, Lyle Lovett!).
I must also say that yesterday’s “purchases that failed me” thread was one of the best things I’ve ever read online. Of course the recommendations were fabulous. But best of all was hearing from all the other folks out there who’ve made guilt-inducing purchases. How comforting! How wonderful to know that so many of us have lived this experience - and then are humble & self-aware enough to share it. Not to mention, SO DANGED FUNNY!!
Just have to co-sign on how great that “purchases that did not change your life (as they were supposed to!)” was. I felt like I was at a fun party with people I was really enjoying laughs and commiserations with.
librarians are the best. I can always go up to them and say "I really liked this book but I want something a little bit more green or blue" and they will do their absolute darnedest to find something.
see if your local library has a program like Your next Five or BookMatch or something similar, or just email via the "contact the library" page and ask! Speaking for myself, I spend most of my day answering printer and computer questions, so doing something like this is a delightful break in the usual.
To you and to all the wonderful librarians in this feed - I didn’t mean to imply that librarians don’t give a shit. Of course they do! Of course you do! I thought the boxes sounded so fun!
As far as recommendations go, I have a kindle loaded with light romance and cozy mysteries because every time I try to read something serious, I get sad and want to stop reading. I’m always looking for the next Book Lovers.
I’m often surprised at how much I dislike things that so many other people love love love. Like I just can’t force myself through things anymore. Anyway. Thank you for caring!
I hear you -- I also prefer light reads and am also surprised by how often the popular bestsellers don't resonate with me. Reading has gotten harder as I get older and my attention is more fractured.
I too cherish books where things turn out well, suffering has meaning, and characters grow and heal.
I greatly enjoyed Book Lovers, and I also enjoyed everything Jasmine Guillory has ever written, Grace Burrowes' Miss D--- series, Hook, Line, and Sinker by Tessa Bailey, The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss by Amy Noelle Parks, Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn, The Siren of Sussex by Mimi Matthews, Where the Mountain Meets the Moon by Grace Lin, My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry by Fredrick Backman, With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo, Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison, and A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.
If I had just one recommendation, though, it would be The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner. And its sequels.
Bopping in here, late to the party, because my reading list is about 50% light romances, and 50% Big Feelings Fantasy (because I can deal with big feelings as long as the world bears very little resemblance to my world), and I want to put in a word for Spoiler Alert, All the Feels, and Ship Wrecked by Olivia Dade. It's a trilogy of romances set in and around the troubled production Game of Thrones style prestige fantasy television show. It is by turns funny and sweet and deals very sensitively with mental illness and the sheer vileness of late stage capitalism. They are so freaking good and so much fun.
Also, we didn't check library cards? We had a form on the website where you could request book recommendations (we didn't get you the actual book for those, just gave you the info) and we'd send you a list within 48 hours. You might check and see if any local-ish libraries are open to non-cardholders!
yes!! We never check library cards, sometimes people don't list theirs and I don't mind. We did start asking people to give us their goodreads/storygraph profile so we wouldn't accidentally recommend something they were already aware of.
That's what I do! I'm with a large urban system and while I'm children's services in my day-to-day, I do exclusively adult reader's advisory/recommendations online, and I put HOURS into selecting and writing about those five books-- a single question will often take me four hours if not longer (when someone only wants them in CD or large print, it makes it trickier to find good suggestions). I constantly get replies from patrons who say something along the lines of "oh my gosh, I thought this would be automated, this is wonderful!" We know the value of a human touch and I try to make every set of books feel personal. (But I probably recommend The Rook and The Library At Mount Char too much anyway.)
And this is mostly framed from the perspective of Right Patron - RIght book, which is most often experienced in public libraries (and nothing is quite so satisfying as doing that with a kid btdt) but it translates into academic libraries as well. I'm the liaison to the College of Dentistry which means as a librarian I have a particularly deep niche knowledge about current research in the dental field. Other colleagues specialize in other topics. We're *good* at finding things and information related to our patrons topics.
So fascinating! I'm long in the business of internet recommendations, so I feel like I understand pretty well the impulse to recommend both from a "creator's" perspective and a consumer perspective. What I find to be really interesting is how quickly the demand for recommendations balloons beyond what could reasonably be offered by a mere mortal. Once you're a person who offers recommendations online, there's a certain expectation for *everything* you talk about/exist in proximity to, to be a recommendation. Recently someone mentioned to me that they were disappointed in a book recommendation I'd made. Thing was, I hadn't really recommended the book at all, I'd just written a kind of lukewarm quip about it on Instagram stories when I finished it. Over the weekend I went to see Barbie (which I also felt lukewarm about) and I wore a pair of my mom's 15-year-old heels to mark the occasion. When I snapped a picture of me in the heels and shared it in my stories, a dozen people wanted to know what the shoes were and where they could buy them. Of course, I couldn't point to a store and I walked out of the movie theater barefoot cause they hurt my feet so much! I don't recommend those shoes in the same way I don't recommend the ugly saucepan/crappy tri-pod/scratched-up sunglasses I use just cause they happen to be the ones I have! Would that could heartily recommend everything I come across!
Separately, I think there's a really interesting suspension of disbelief on the part of readers (both online and in traditional print media) regarding recommendations. Yes, this person (or this magazine) thinks this is the "cutest little date dress for less than $30," but also the Nordstrom summer sale is on, and they just bumped their affiliate rate for your site, and there are many many dollars at stake. Innnnyway, one of many reasons I've been feeling so much better about diving into a reader-supported model instead!
this is SO real, all of it — I know that Virginia Sole-Smith gets questions about her eye glasses every freaking time she posts a reel (about diet culture bullshit) and she has to post a story that's basically like "I get all my eyeglasses from my local shop, you should find a good local shop." I also love to not recommend things when people DM me on IG asking about something — "honestly, I wouldn't recommend this" is a real trust-builder too!
Thanks for this thoughtful comment. As someone who also makes recommendations online as part of her job, I really struggle with what I think of as the "shop my life" mentality: like if I post a photo of my dog (I love to post photos of my dog, doesn't everyone?) the comments are often about what brand of rug/shoes/jeans/nail polish/dog collar is pictured in the photo and where it can be bought. I struggle to balance the desire to be helpful and generous with the real and important desire to not feel commodified. (While I certainly understand the spirit behind these comments—of course I've seen products in others' photos and wondered where to buy them—they still make me feel a little less than human.)
And oh my goodness, I completely relate to the disappointment in "recommendations" you've made. I'm frequently tagged in photos thanking me—or not—for book recommendations I've made, but often that book is simply one I've mentioned (as one I just started reading, might like to read in the future, etc) and a fair percentage of the time I have never laid eyes on the book in question!
I appreciate this whole conversation and am now really looking forward to reading about the new women's mags!
There’s an entire sub thread to be written here about gift lists, right? Because besides books and movies, I am always looking for gifts for the specific type of people in my life. They don’t need anything and can buy themselves anything they want. So how do I surprise and delight them? By obsessively reading gift lists.
Totally a sub thread here — and I think part of the reason I love the Gift Concierge Thread here on CS is because the gift lists I've consumed have always been tailored towards a very specific WASPy sort of family, like people who have sisters who like placemats or dads who like whiskey dice, you know what I mean? And none of that, NONE OF THAT, is useful to me.
None of what come up for me if I Google "gift ideas for husband who's horrible to buy gifts for" ever does me any good. No one who is horrible to buy gifts for wants cufflinks or golf club covers. Those are literally the easiest people to buy presents for.
Yes! My dad is the opposite of whatever the imaginary dad is who all these gift guides are oriented towards, and also impossible to buy gifts for. The Gift Concierge Thread was such a help this year--and it was such an unexpected joy to be seen and helped by people with similar interests and similar family members/gift recipients!
right? If I bought my dad a fancy whiskey bottle he'd be confused. I bought him a framed and signed print of the greatest Sonics basketball announcer and he loved it.
YES 100% this, my dad does not want to read about WWII and he doesn't drink so please help me find something else. And this is why I'm obsessed with gift lists and always looking for actual good ones
i love to give gifts and my rule of thumb is to combine at least two of someone's interests or passions into one thing. does someone collect mugs and love a particular sports team, get them a branded mug from that team. does someone love plants and reading, get them a bookmark with a plant design or better yet, a book about plants! it's such a fun way to really show someone you're paying attention.
Sigh yes. All the people in my life are like that and most of them have suchhhhhh specific niche tastes that while I do look at gift lists, they never help. But who knows—the day may come when one does.
There are people who excel at this kind of thing. Malcolm Gladwell called them "mavens" & "connectors"- people whose joy is found in telling you where they got that dress or who has the best whatever. I have a mental map in my head of places I can recommend to people and it's saddening when my knowledge is outdated once I leave a place (NYC, Seattle...). I love being helpful. I love sharing my knowledge & experience. I think the people who excel at this kind of thing are fearless first adopters and pioneers- we don't need someone's validation to try something. We're not afraid to make a mistake. We have tastes that are close to the mainstream but not exactly in it. We're aware of trends but not melded to them. We're independent thinkers but not rebels. We're deep listeners and careful observers. We take delight in introducing people to things that will improve their lives. And we're unbothered when people don't take our advice or disagree.
Tripadvisor gets a lot of free labor out of this. My girlfriend is a destination expert for our area which includes a national park, so she's always getting questions about itineraries, accessibility and alternatives. Now and then, we've even met a few people on the hiking trail whom she has helped.
I'm a dedicated Geezer group member, and I think what makes recommendations work for me are:
-If it's clothing, does this person have a similar body type/dress size to me? I know Caroline won't recommend something that tops out at a size 8.
-Is this person living a life I find relatable? A random 20-something influencer or someone who's got four perfect blond children all dressed in expensive beige are not relatable. Someone who has a personality that comes across as authentic (even messy) is what works for me. I love Carla Rockmore despite being someone who will never have a two-story closet or wear Balenciaga dresses, but I love how she talks about fashion and the fun she has with it.
-One of my favorite Geezer requests recently was from me, and it was just me asking for drugstore cosmetic requests for days when you need a reward for going grocery shopping. "Best drugstore whatever" lists from Allure don't tell me if a real person loves that, but some random person in the Gee Thanks FB group saying she'll pass up Sephora-level highlighters for a Wet n Wild one makes me interested.
My favorite category of Geezer rec is "I'm over 30 and/or postpartum and/or in a human body, I need to go to a fancy event of some kind, I would like to wear a fun outfit that makes me feel cool but is also wearable for me, literally no one is advertising to my demographic, please help"
I love Caroline's anecdotes about going wedding dress shopping at massive places like Kleinfeld that MAX OUT AT SIZE 8 for some reason, and Caroline being like "do you...not want my money?! or the money of the VAST MAJORITY OF ADULT WOMEN??? DO YOU NOT LIKE MONEY????"
I’m also an avid Geezer, but as a pod listener from the first episode and one of the first dozen members of the fb group I’m less inclined to engage as it grows in popularity. This NY times article is doing interesting things to the main fb group, IMO, and adding thousands of users in a short period is diluting the experience in ways that make me less likely to stick around. For instance, I’ve seen a significant influx of parenting related posts in the last 18ish months, and truly parents dominating the discussion is not what I want to engage with as a child free single person. I’ve seen a large increase in people just throwing out requests carelessly without searching the group, or folks making requests that don’t fit (selling concert tickets, asking for travel recs, hawking their own stuff, etc) it’s become much more an everything group and that is unsustainable.
For me the magic was in things like the Neiman Marcus Wedding Dress situation (podcast ep 112) and that just isn’t happening in the group as much now that membership is nearly 20k.
Pair that with the podcast’s lack of direction in the last year or so, and it’s increasingly looking like a group that is morphing out of the original brief quite rapidly.
However, the annual spreadsheets for Prime Day and Black Friday are truly impressive (though I rarely shop them, I do look through them). They are a massive amount of labor and are truly helpful for lots of people.
I've been a member for at least two years, and yes, it's definitely changed a lot. But I also think about the Jenny Packham wedding dress that people worked so hard to find and ship, and that was amazing. The parenting stuff is white noise to me (but I'm also a parent), I see it so often in my social media that I usually ignore it. I wish the self-promo was cut off except for one day a month, which is the norm in many other groups I'm in.
The spreadsheets are such a labor of love, but same-- never actually buy anything off of them. I do go through Caroline's storefront a lot when I'm thinking of something specific and want to give her that affiliate cash, though.
In terms of the trust component with recommendations, I think a big part for me is someone who is also willing to say things that DON'T work for them and why. Not necessarily bashing something, but clearly willing to take a position and have an opinion as opposed to only steering readers towards things to consume (also a difference from a women's magazine). This also carries over to which influencers I'll trust (very few--and only those that I see using the recommending the same brands/products for years, not just a single campaign and then the product seems to completely disappear).
We both missed the modern "journalism" era of articles that are really nothing more than product marketing with affiliate links masquerading as reviews. Some lovely people are making a good living doing this, but it's so dismaying.
It's called "service journalism", providing "news you can use". In the 20th century, newspapers always had more than just the news, but in the 1980s they all started having sections like home, food, travel, fashion, sports and the like. They did have some news content, but their real focus was on recommendations. They also sold ad space, so those sections were often the one's carrying the business and a big growth area. The modern equivalent would be the New York Times integrating Wirecutter and Athletic into their online versions. Since one can sell ads against that kind of content, I expect it to see other media copy the idea.
I'm always suspicious of IG accounts that say, "We only tell you about products we've tried and loved!" What about the products you tried that were obnoxious? I'd trust your influence on that direction too.
Yes! And I don't believe anyone really has 8 favorite versions of [insert product here]. There has to be one or two you actually like, and if you just consistently recommend products you REALLY like, I'm much more likely to trust your judgment in other areas.
that's why I'll recommend Universal Standard's Seine skinny jeans until the heat death of the universe. They fit great, they hold up, they finally got me to stop buying Old Navy jeans.
Someone asking for or taking your recommendation is just such a supreme compliment and can give tiny tiny bit of anxiety bc if they don't like it the way you, what does that say about your taste or connection with someone?
But, boy when someone you love, loves a thing you love and then you can share it and talk about it, truly that is the best feeling.
I have been thinking about the way white women (I am one) sometimes offer these recommendations to people who didn't ask for them, or give directions or "tips" when no one asked them. I do think it is a pretty toxic trait and have stopped it, even tho I can hear the chorus rise up to say, but I am just being helpful. So yeah, my rule for myself is to give recommendations when asked or when I want to say, I loved this thing and it made me think of you or want to talk with you about it, maybe you will want to see it?
Barbie movie was a great example where I was dying for someone I liked to see it so we could talk about it. And disagreement would have been ok, but mostly fun to do the "and that matchbox 20 song???" Wit someone who also vibes on it the same way.
I have found so much good and amazing performance performance art/dance by just following a performer I adored and seeing who they admire and like. Which is a form of recommendation.
Anyway I love them, I used to adore chow hound bc it was the same thing for food and now Eater seems to do a pretty decent job but without all the weird small personal anecdotes I loved. "Next to the best bao in Chinatown is a super cool park where you can sit and eat them and see the location of the first public baths in NYC".
oh my gosh yes, if I see an artist I love working with people, I'll check them out and that's how Brandi Carlile got me into Americana and Jason Isbell and Maren Morris
OMG need to double down on Chowhound. RIP. Yes! I ate some amazing things when I travelled thanks to CH and hopefully turned others into great stuff. Eater for me is not the same ... I think because it feels corporate and scripted and, when it does go quirky, like it is trying too hard. Chowhound was a community and I think that added some authenticity to the recommendations- it felt more real. Also I loved people’s random discussions of the finer points of hot dogs.
I think I’m in the minority on this, and also one of the readers old enough to have spend the majority of my life with print magazines, but there’s a magic to the magazine recommendation vs. an online thread with everyone able to weigh in. In a magazine, an item was just there and by virtue of being there, it was magical and the gold standard. It wasn’t clickable and I would very rarely ever make the effort to find and buy it, but it was aspirational and pretty and helped me imagine a world in which I lived a life in which that could be mine. But with almost everything online, once I can click it and see reviews, the shine has dulled. Because for every person who OMG LOVES it, there’s someone who UGH too. An example would be yesterday’s thread where the sunrise alarm clock got a whole lot of hate, but I’ve sworn by mine for years and just recommended it with so much enthusiasm to a friend. It’s why I can barely stand to read reviews or recommendations anymore when I’m shopping because they make me wary of anything I buy! I miss the days of having our glossy pages separate from our actual shopping experiences......
This is so interesting, and you're totally right. Magazine recommendations always seemed so unattainable--almost encased in glass. As a result, I can't think of anything I ever bought based on a magazine rec, whereas I've definitely bought things based on newsletter or forum recs, but they do seem much messier--brought down to earth, and because of that you have to weed through all sorts of conflicting opinions.
Yes indeed - and I deal with enough conflicting opinions everywhere else in life that sometimes I just want to imagine that an item WOULD be as perfect as it seems ☺️
Yeah. I agree that “just click” takes some magic away. I remember the one time I actually called the phone number listed under a recommendation (remember that?!). They were sold out. Ha!
I think good recommendations, like good advice, come from a thoughtful place that takes into account the requirements or guidelines given by the individual seeking advice or a recommendation. I love Ask.MetaFilter.com. The only challenge is those who respond to questions often respond to the question they want to answer rather than the question that was actually posed. When I was younger, I was fixated on figuring out how to correctly perform taste publicly. I grew up poor, and will never forget the two times my college friend (and later housemate) cut me down to size. Once, as I was clearing dishes, she told me to stop scraping leftovers into a single dish to stack them because that was low-rent. Another time, I made a dress for an event at my first job out of college. After I was done sewing, she looked at it and told me it looked like it was made out of quilt fabric. And maybe it was! TL;DR, I used to curate my bathroom reading to impress the guests I rarely had. I felt wrong at all times, courtesy of many things including the women's magazine industry. Your newsletter, several others, and also MetaFilter are much better sources of recommendations. I am largely over attempting to demonstrate good taste publicly (apart from the unfortunate brown-and-peach jumpsuit I bought earlier in the year). Thanks for the topic!
Wow this is really interesting, I'm really enjoying thinking about this. I think there are two buckets of recommendation types for me that play very different roles in my life:
1. Topics on which I have a good and refined sense of my own taste.
For me, this includes books & cooking - I read and cook a lot, know what I like and what I don't, have my own theories and ideas and styles. I love recs on these topics because it feels like late-night dorm room chatting with smart people - maybe i'll get a new lens on something I already think, maybe I'll find something new and different that gets me out of my comfort zone, maybe I can show off my own taste a bit. It feels fun and conversational and a bit flattering, as discussed above.
2. Topics on which I know nothing/am intimidated.
There are other topics I just need someone to for the love of god tell me what to do. I have put buying/doing a thing forever, I'm paralyzed, I have (or feel like i have) no taste or judgement that I can trust, I just need someone to fix this for me. For things like clothes or interior design, I have such a lack of style/taste. I've really tried, but I just have a blindness to it where I can't figure out how to make things look good. I really need to piggyback on someone's else more refined eye, and it's just about finding someone I trust to tell me what to do. This type of rec isn't about fun, it's about desperation. (this includes many of my this-purchase-will fix everything purchases, obvi).
This is such a helpful distinction, Leah. I think I also have the same divisions as you lol (books/cooking - confident; clothing/interior design - HELP). I also find that in the areas I'm confident, I have such a strong sense of what I want/need that I'm able to find more helpful recommendations, because I know my own parameters.
I feel like case #2 is where trusted recommendations are worth their weight in gold. I tend to get totally overwhelmed by the options when I look for reviews online (see: coffee grinders, bicycles). There are SO many options, and about 1000 opinions for every option. If you can get one (1) intelligent opinion from someone who knows what is going on it saves so much frustration/time/money.
One component of recommendation culture is definitely US-specific in the sense that it rests on the ease of online ordering and free or cheap shipping. I live in Canada and most American-recommended (or European -rec'ed) stuff will require a trip across the border or a ridiculous amount of shipping/import duties (see: €100 shorts from Sezane recommended on twitter for which I paid $45 import tax). I'm not mad at this, but it definitely shapes how I engage with recommendations (very little) since their relevance/availability is limited. When I do, it's more out of curiosity about how other people think about things and criteria for appreciation.
I definitely feel this with all of the UK and European newsletters I read! Even their book recs take a lot more work to source because they often have different titles in the US or aren’t linked to a seller that ships to the US.
I felt weirdly free and impervious to advertising when I was living abroad where there was basically no online shopping available. Like ha ha ha I can listen to all your ads and recommendations knowing that there's no way I will buy them! I thought I would want my friend who was coming to visit a few months into my stay there to bring me a ton of things from the U.S., but by the time she was coming, I couldn't even remember what I thought I'd needed. (Not to make light of people who struggle to access things they actually do need)
One thing these comments make me consider is how we approach recommendations when money is or is not involved (our own or others). For example, with clothes/beauty products/homeware, etc etc etc, I'm both being asked to spend money and, in many cases, the recommender is getting a kickback. With books, articles, music, I don't necessarily have to spend any additional money, and the recommender presumably isn't getting any sort of financial benefit. How do you evaluate each one? What sort of trust do you need to have build to consume one vs. the other. What about other kinds of recommendations--restaurants, museums, trips, etc.? How do these categories shift our expectations for what a recommended product or experience should deliver?
I've thought about this a lot, which is part of the reason why I don't ever do affiliate links in recs (save for Bookshop, but all of those affiliate proceeds get donated; in fact I'm going to announce a big donation soon). But I also don't begrudge or judge sites like Caroline's who use the affiliate links as their business model. I think it just depends on transparency of that business model?
Transparency is so key--and integral to trust. I've definitely bought things where I know the recommender receives a commission, because I still trust their taste. But the instant I sense that there's some sort of perk they're getting to promote a product that isn't clearly stated, it really breaks the trust relationship.
I have a problem with journalists who use affiliate links, because to me it truly undermines their authority. You have been very thoughtful about how you have crafted Bookshop so sales lead to donations. That is super smart. I understand that there are different business models. It just means that I trust the advice of some writers more than others largely because of their business model.
I have been getting so annoyed with the Today Show because it is sooo much recommendations related to their relationship with Amazon. Does the Today Show not make enough money without having to whore for Amazon? It’s begun to feel like a long infomercial.
Yup, this is totally a thing. I hate it, too. Or would, if I ever watched the Today Show. Being in Sweden, it is not exactly top of mind. But I see product placement stuff on commercial TV in Sweden as well. It just sucks.
Ugh, me every time a handful of influencers I follow (who have other jobs, generally) link a dress I love…. Only to find out it’s $300. I had to unfollow a few because their recs were so outrageously expensive and it just made me feel less than because that is NOT in my budget (or even what I necessarily want to spend money on…. But not being *able* to spend that money feels restrictive even so)
Agreed. I sometimes have mixed feelings when people recommend expensive things that they got to try for free. That's why I sometimes appreciate reddit for recommendations or reviews. I also think the plethora of recommendations sometimes makes me uneasy about consuming more things as opposed to when I'm specifically seeking out advice about something.
I use recs on the Internet a lot because it is so hard to search for anything purely off Google. I doubt so many search hits because I know what goes into listings, how many scams there are, etc. I need someone's full experience with something to make a decision.
This was so interesting to read--I have so many thoughts! I just started a newsletter last week after hemming and hawing about it for over a year, and something I originally wanted to include were sporadic recommendations, because I LOVE to engage with them on both ends (giving and receiving). But I've pulled back from the idea for now for exactly the reasons you've laid out here: I don't (really) have an audience yet, so there's no established trust or bond to build from. It'd feel weird to even give recommendations when I don't have an audience to "know"--I'd be making tons of assumptions about who they are/will be, what's important to them, what they like, etc. Part of why I love recommendations in newsletters or on social media is because I've sought out these people to follow and feel aligned with them in some way, so their recommendations feel more intimate. It feels like a weird sort of celebrity effect--I don't *actually* know all the writers I'm following, but it FEELS like I do, so I take their recommendations more seriously than random reviews or even Wirecutter recommendations, for example.
PS. Anne, during the gift concierge thread during the holidays, you recommended Paul Newman's memoir for my stepmom who loves reading and old Hollywood--she said it was one of her favorite gifts last year! Big big thanks. :)
There’s something about the way we shop now (mostly online, millions of options, have to mail back returns) that almost requires the recommendation discussions. If I’m going to buy sheets online, I need to know how they feel, what people like about them, how long they last before I purchase.
Another point that may be specific to those of us of a certain age, but I sometimes I need the discussion I’d have with a friend at the mall in say 1997, even if it’s manufactured with strangers on the internet that happen to listen to the same podcast.
as a skincare and makeup enthusiast with specific intolerances and needs, i *love* youtube/long form reviews, first-impressions, and wear tests. although i don't love the impossible to escape capitalistic cycle of "buy this and your life will change forever" mentality, i deeply appreciate that there are people out there dedicated to trying out products so that i can have more information before i make a purchase - it's work, and i'm happy to compensate them with ad dollars and affiliate links. i also like to follow those whom i feel have a measured approach and real curiosity in the topic itself versus those who feel like a content machine.
i often reflect on this relationship with creators and their recommendations. it can be parasocial, and/or it can be a valued resource. for marginalized folks who don't often see themselves represented in a space (e.g. makeup before the age of fenty and its groundbreaking 40 foundation shades), it's moving, connective, and important to see creators on the search/recommending things that addresses a relevant need in the audience's lives. it's representation - it makes me think of that scene in Devil Wears Prada where Tucci is talking about the magazine being a beacon of hope - for those not living in cities, it's powerful to see your life, needs, and wants reflected back to you in a tangible way. at the risk of sounding contrite, a good recommendation for anything, from makeup to health services to books/movies, make you feel less alone.
I do want to just chime and in and say many libraries still employ this kind of person -- the Reader's Advisory staff -- for bespoke recommendations. I was that person at my last library job, and while I was there we started doing limited runs of personalized book boxes (three books + a snack and a craft or a goodie), based on a short survey that patrons filled out. As the staff, we tried REALLY hard to give these patrons books we thought they would love; we wanted them to love what we picked, yeah, but we also wanted them to keep coming back to the library.
Which is essentially what you've said in this piece. In terms of bespoke recommendations though, I think there's an element of feeling special. Of feeling seen. Of feeling like someone has you in mind when choosing something.
Yes!! Thank you for this comment, it's such an important point.
I’m one of those librarians. I manage a small-town library and my whole team is great at matching books with people. The greatest joy of my job is selecting books for the library. I read reviews, subscribe to several bookish newsletters & swap reading ideas with colleagues all over the country. Those personal recommendations are most valuable to me. But I have gotten to know which published review sources are most reliable. If you’re looking for book recommendations, always ask a librarian. Where reading is concerned, we’re the Queens of Know (thank you, Lyle Lovett!).
I must also say that yesterday’s “purchases that failed me” thread was one of the best things I’ve ever read online. Of course the recommendations were fabulous. But best of all was hearing from all the other folks out there who’ve made guilt-inducing purchases. How comforting! How wonderful to know that so many of us have lived this experience - and then are humble & self-aware enough to share it. Not to mention, SO DANGED FUNNY!!
Just have to co-sign on how great that “purchases that did not change your life (as they were supposed to!)” was. I felt like I was at a fun party with people I was really enjoying laughs and commiserations with.
librarians are the best. I can always go up to them and say "I really liked this book but I want something a little bit more green or blue" and they will do their absolute darnedest to find something.
I want a librarian to give a shit enough about me to do this! That’s amazing!
see if your local library has a program like Your next Five or BookMatch or something similar, or just email via the "contact the library" page and ask! Speaking for myself, I spend most of my day answering printer and computer questions, so doing something like this is a delightful break in the usual.
Hi, I'm a librarian who gives a shit. Are you looking for a book recommendation? If so, let me know what you're in the mood for.
To you and to all the wonderful librarians in this feed - I didn’t mean to imply that librarians don’t give a shit. Of course they do! Of course you do! I thought the boxes sounded so fun!
As far as recommendations go, I have a kindle loaded with light romance and cozy mysteries because every time I try to read something serious, I get sad and want to stop reading. I’m always looking for the next Book Lovers.
I’m often surprised at how much I dislike things that so many other people love love love. Like I just can’t force myself through things anymore. Anyway. Thank you for caring!
I hear you -- I also prefer light reads and am also surprised by how often the popular bestsellers don't resonate with me. Reading has gotten harder as I get older and my attention is more fractured.
I too cherish books where things turn out well, suffering has meaning, and characters grow and heal.
I greatly enjoyed Book Lovers, and I also enjoyed everything Jasmine Guillory has ever written, Grace Burrowes' Miss D--- series, Hook, Line, and Sinker by Tessa Bailey, The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss by Amy Noelle Parks, Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn, The Siren of Sussex by Mimi Matthews, Where the Mountain Meets the Moon by Grace Lin, My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry by Fredrick Backman, With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo, Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison, and A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.
If I had just one recommendation, though, it would be The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner. And its sequels.
Bopping in here, late to the party, because my reading list is about 50% light romances, and 50% Big Feelings Fantasy (because I can deal with big feelings as long as the world bears very little resemblance to my world), and I want to put in a word for Spoiler Alert, All the Feels, and Ship Wrecked by Olivia Dade. It's a trilogy of romances set in and around the troubled production Game of Thrones style prestige fantasy television show. It is by turns funny and sweet and deals very sensitively with mental illness and the sheer vileness of late stage capitalism. They are so freaking good and so much fun.
Also, we didn't check library cards? We had a form on the website where you could request book recommendations (we didn't get you the actual book for those, just gave you the info) and we'd send you a list within 48 hours. You might check and see if any local-ish libraries are open to non-cardholders!
yes!! We never check library cards, sometimes people don't list theirs and I don't mind. We did start asking people to give us their goodreads/storygraph profile so we wouldn't accidentally recommend something they were already aware of.
Wow that’s super nice. :)
That's what I do! I'm with a large urban system and while I'm children's services in my day-to-day, I do exclusively adult reader's advisory/recommendations online, and I put HOURS into selecting and writing about those five books-- a single question will often take me four hours if not longer (when someone only wants them in CD or large print, it makes it trickier to find good suggestions). I constantly get replies from patrons who say something along the lines of "oh my gosh, I thought this would be automated, this is wonderful!" We know the value of a human touch and I try to make every set of books feel personal. (But I probably recommend The Rook and The Library At Mount Char too much anyway.)
The Rook! Oh my gosh I loved that book. I always tried to get people to read that, along with the Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz. (Amongst others!)
well, I just put that on hold!
Oh, that series is a delight! I hope you enjoy it.
Yup -- came here to say that.
And this is mostly framed from the perspective of Right Patron - RIght book, which is most often experienced in public libraries (and nothing is quite so satisfying as doing that with a kid btdt) but it translates into academic libraries as well. I'm the liaison to the College of Dentistry which means as a librarian I have a particularly deep niche knowledge about current research in the dental field. Other colleagues specialize in other topics. We're *good* at finding things and information related to our patrons topics.
This is SO wonderful!
Yes, came here to say this!
So fascinating! I'm long in the business of internet recommendations, so I feel like I understand pretty well the impulse to recommend both from a "creator's" perspective and a consumer perspective. What I find to be really interesting is how quickly the demand for recommendations balloons beyond what could reasonably be offered by a mere mortal. Once you're a person who offers recommendations online, there's a certain expectation for *everything* you talk about/exist in proximity to, to be a recommendation. Recently someone mentioned to me that they were disappointed in a book recommendation I'd made. Thing was, I hadn't really recommended the book at all, I'd just written a kind of lukewarm quip about it on Instagram stories when I finished it. Over the weekend I went to see Barbie (which I also felt lukewarm about) and I wore a pair of my mom's 15-year-old heels to mark the occasion. When I snapped a picture of me in the heels and shared it in my stories, a dozen people wanted to know what the shoes were and where they could buy them. Of course, I couldn't point to a store and I walked out of the movie theater barefoot cause they hurt my feet so much! I don't recommend those shoes in the same way I don't recommend the ugly saucepan/crappy tri-pod/scratched-up sunglasses I use just cause they happen to be the ones I have! Would that could heartily recommend everything I come across!
Separately, I think there's a really interesting suspension of disbelief on the part of readers (both online and in traditional print media) regarding recommendations. Yes, this person (or this magazine) thinks this is the "cutest little date dress for less than $30," but also the Nordstrom summer sale is on, and they just bumped their affiliate rate for your site, and there are many many dollars at stake. Innnnyway, one of many reasons I've been feeling so much better about diving into a reader-supported model instead!
this is SO real, all of it — I know that Virginia Sole-Smith gets questions about her eye glasses every freaking time she posts a reel (about diet culture bullshit) and she has to post a story that's basically like "I get all my eyeglasses from my local shop, you should find a good local shop." I also love to not recommend things when people DM me on IG asking about something — "honestly, I wouldn't recommend this" is a real trust-builder too!
yes! so true!
Thanks for this thoughtful comment. As someone who also makes recommendations online as part of her job, I really struggle with what I think of as the "shop my life" mentality: like if I post a photo of my dog (I love to post photos of my dog, doesn't everyone?) the comments are often about what brand of rug/shoes/jeans/nail polish/dog collar is pictured in the photo and where it can be bought. I struggle to balance the desire to be helpful and generous with the real and important desire to not feel commodified. (While I certainly understand the spirit behind these comments—of course I've seen products in others' photos and wondered where to buy them—they still make me feel a little less than human.)
And oh my goodness, I completely relate to the disappointment in "recommendations" you've made. I'm frequently tagged in photos thanking me—or not—for book recommendations I've made, but often that book is simply one I've mentioned (as one I just started reading, might like to read in the future, etc) and a fair percentage of the time I have never laid eyes on the book in question!
I appreciate this whole conversation and am now really looking forward to reading about the new women's mags!
Didn't Martha Stewart build a business around this? I suppose it's much older than that.
There’s an entire sub thread to be written here about gift lists, right? Because besides books and movies, I am always looking for gifts for the specific type of people in my life. They don’t need anything and can buy themselves anything they want. So how do I surprise and delight them? By obsessively reading gift lists.
Totally a sub thread here — and I think part of the reason I love the Gift Concierge Thread here on CS is because the gift lists I've consumed have always been tailored towards a very specific WASPy sort of family, like people who have sisters who like placemats or dads who like whiskey dice, you know what I mean? And none of that, NONE OF THAT, is useful to me.
None of what come up for me if I Google "gift ideas for husband who's horrible to buy gifts for" ever does me any good. No one who is horrible to buy gifts for wants cufflinks or golf club covers. Those are literally the easiest people to buy presents for.
Yep. Worthless trash in terms of recs.
Yes! My dad is the opposite of whatever the imaginary dad is who all these gift guides are oriented towards, and also impossible to buy gifts for. The Gift Concierge Thread was such a help this year--and it was such an unexpected joy to be seen and helped by people with similar interests and similar family members/gift recipients!
right? If I bought my dad a fancy whiskey bottle he'd be confused. I bought him a framed and signed print of the greatest Sonics basketball announcer and he loved it.
YES 100% this, my dad does not want to read about WWII and he doesn't drink so please help me find something else. And this is why I'm obsessed with gift lists and always looking for actual good ones
i love to give gifts and my rule of thumb is to combine at least two of someone's interests or passions into one thing. does someone collect mugs and love a particular sports team, get them a branded mug from that team. does someone love plants and reading, get them a bookmark with a plant design or better yet, a book about plants! it's such a fun way to really show someone you're paying attention.
Sigh yes. All the people in my life are like that and most of them have suchhhhhh specific niche tastes that while I do look at gift lists, they never help. But who knows—the day may come when one does.
There are people who excel at this kind of thing. Malcolm Gladwell called them "mavens" & "connectors"- people whose joy is found in telling you where they got that dress or who has the best whatever. I have a mental map in my head of places I can recommend to people and it's saddening when my knowledge is outdated once I leave a place (NYC, Seattle...). I love being helpful. I love sharing my knowledge & experience. I think the people who excel at this kind of thing are fearless first adopters and pioneers- we don't need someone's validation to try something. We're not afraid to make a mistake. We have tastes that are close to the mainstream but not exactly in it. We're aware of trends but not melded to them. We're independent thinkers but not rebels. We're deep listeners and careful observers. We take delight in introducing people to things that will improve their lives. And we're unbothered when people don't take our advice or disagree.
Tripadvisor gets a lot of free labor out of this. My girlfriend is a destination expert for our area which includes a national park, so she's always getting questions about itineraries, accessibility and alternatives. Now and then, we've even met a few people on the hiking trail whom she has helped.
TripAdvisor gets it for free but so do all the people she helps. :)
Oh my goodness, I didn't know there was a term for what I am. I love this!
Kate, check out "The Tipping Point"! Good read. https://www.gladwellbooks.com/titles/malcolm-gladwell/the-tipping-point/9780759574731/
I get SO EXCITED when someone says "I have no idea what to read/buy/do" and it's a topic I can help with.
ME TOO! Guess I have to finally read Gladwell. I love offering recommendations about a subject I love (Seattle is one of those subjects too).
I'm a dedicated Geezer group member, and I think what makes recommendations work for me are:
-If it's clothing, does this person have a similar body type/dress size to me? I know Caroline won't recommend something that tops out at a size 8.
-Is this person living a life I find relatable? A random 20-something influencer or someone who's got four perfect blond children all dressed in expensive beige are not relatable. Someone who has a personality that comes across as authentic (even messy) is what works for me. I love Carla Rockmore despite being someone who will never have a two-story closet or wear Balenciaga dresses, but I love how she talks about fashion and the fun she has with it.
-One of my favorite Geezer requests recently was from me, and it was just me asking for drugstore cosmetic requests for days when you need a reward for going grocery shopping. "Best drugstore whatever" lists from Allure don't tell me if a real person loves that, but some random person in the Gee Thanks FB group saying she'll pass up Sephora-level highlighters for a Wet n Wild one makes me interested.
[also for people who aren't part of this world: a 'Geezer' is a follower/community member of the larger Gee Thanks I Bought It universe]
That’s me. I thought geezer was an old person (like me).
Thank you because I was puzzled.
My favorite category of Geezer rec is "I'm over 30 and/or postpartum and/or in a human body, I need to go to a fancy event of some kind, I would like to wear a fun outfit that makes me feel cool but is also wearable for me, literally no one is advertising to my demographic, please help"
I love Caroline's anecdotes about going wedding dress shopping at massive places like Kleinfeld that MAX OUT AT SIZE 8 for some reason, and Caroline being like "do you...not want my money?! or the money of the VAST MAJORITY OF ADULT WOMEN??? DO YOU NOT LIKE MONEY????"
I’m also an avid Geezer, but as a pod listener from the first episode and one of the first dozen members of the fb group I’m less inclined to engage as it grows in popularity. This NY times article is doing interesting things to the main fb group, IMO, and adding thousands of users in a short period is diluting the experience in ways that make me less likely to stick around. For instance, I’ve seen a significant influx of parenting related posts in the last 18ish months, and truly parents dominating the discussion is not what I want to engage with as a child free single person. I’ve seen a large increase in people just throwing out requests carelessly without searching the group, or folks making requests that don’t fit (selling concert tickets, asking for travel recs, hawking their own stuff, etc) it’s become much more an everything group and that is unsustainable.
For me the magic was in things like the Neiman Marcus Wedding Dress situation (podcast ep 112) and that just isn’t happening in the group as much now that membership is nearly 20k.
Pair that with the podcast’s lack of direction in the last year or so, and it’s increasingly looking like a group that is morphing out of the original brief quite rapidly.
However, the annual spreadsheets for Prime Day and Black Friday are truly impressive (though I rarely shop them, I do look through them). They are a massive amount of labor and are truly helpful for lots of people.
I've been a member for at least two years, and yes, it's definitely changed a lot. But I also think about the Jenny Packham wedding dress that people worked so hard to find and ship, and that was amazing. The parenting stuff is white noise to me (but I'm also a parent), I see it so often in my social media that I usually ignore it. I wish the self-promo was cut off except for one day a month, which is the norm in many other groups I'm in.
The spreadsheets are such a labor of love, but same-- never actually buy anything off of them. I do go through Caroline's storefront a lot when I'm thinking of something specific and want to give her that affiliate cash, though.
Carla is EVERYTHING.
In terms of the trust component with recommendations, I think a big part for me is someone who is also willing to say things that DON'T work for them and why. Not necessarily bashing something, but clearly willing to take a position and have an opinion as opposed to only steering readers towards things to consume (also a difference from a women's magazine). This also carries over to which influencers I'll trust (very few--and only those that I see using the recommending the same brands/products for years, not just a single campaign and then the product seems to completely disappear).
This is going to be me with my Lowe's composite planters, just recommending them over and over again with no kick back for years
Yes! If a product is really worth recommending, you'll use it for years, pay full price and STILL feel like you got more than your money's worth!
We both missed the modern "journalism" era of articles that are really nothing more than product marketing with affiliate links masquerading as reviews. Some lovely people are making a good living doing this, but it's so dismaying.
It's called "service journalism", providing "news you can use". In the 20th century, newspapers always had more than just the news, but in the 1980s they all started having sections like home, food, travel, fashion, sports and the like. They did have some news content, but their real focus was on recommendations. They also sold ad space, so those sections were often the one's carrying the business and a big growth area. The modern equivalent would be the New York Times integrating Wirecutter and Athletic into their online versions. Since one can sell ads against that kind of content, I expect it to see other media copy the idea.
I'm always suspicious of IG accounts that say, "We only tell you about products we've tried and loved!" What about the products you tried that were obnoxious? I'd trust your influence on that direction too.
Yes! And I don't believe anyone really has 8 favorite versions of [insert product here]. There has to be one or two you actually like, and if you just consistently recommend products you REALLY like, I'm much more likely to trust your judgment in other areas.
that's why I'll recommend Universal Standard's Seine skinny jeans until the heat death of the universe. They fit great, they hold up, they finally got me to stop buying Old Navy jeans.
Duly noted!!!!
Someone asking for or taking your recommendation is just such a supreme compliment and can give tiny tiny bit of anxiety bc if they don't like it the way you, what does that say about your taste or connection with someone?
But, boy when someone you love, loves a thing you love and then you can share it and talk about it, truly that is the best feeling.
I have been thinking about the way white women (I am one) sometimes offer these recommendations to people who didn't ask for them, or give directions or "tips" when no one asked them. I do think it is a pretty toxic trait and have stopped it, even tho I can hear the chorus rise up to say, but I am just being helpful. So yeah, my rule for myself is to give recommendations when asked or when I want to say, I loved this thing and it made me think of you or want to talk with you about it, maybe you will want to see it?
Barbie movie was a great example where I was dying for someone I liked to see it so we could talk about it. And disagreement would have been ok, but mostly fun to do the "and that matchbox 20 song???" Wit someone who also vibes on it the same way.
I have found so much good and amazing performance performance art/dance by just following a performer I adored and seeing who they admire and like. Which is a form of recommendation.
Anyway I love them, I used to adore chow hound bc it was the same thing for food and now Eater seems to do a pretty decent job but without all the weird small personal anecdotes I loved. "Next to the best bao in Chinatown is a super cool park where you can sit and eat them and see the location of the first public baths in NYC".
oh my gosh yes, if I see an artist I love working with people, I'll check them out and that's how Brandi Carlile got me into Americana and Jason Isbell and Maren Morris
Brandi Carlile was also my gateway drug into Americana/Isbell/Morris, and many other wonderful musicians.
OMG need to double down on Chowhound. RIP. Yes! I ate some amazing things when I travelled thanks to CH and hopefully turned others into great stuff. Eater for me is not the same ... I think because it feels corporate and scripted and, when it does go quirky, like it is trying too hard. Chowhound was a community and I think that added some authenticity to the recommendations- it felt more real. Also I loved people’s random discussions of the finer points of hot dogs.
Awww. I miss Chowhound.
I think I’m in the minority on this, and also one of the readers old enough to have spend the majority of my life with print magazines, but there’s a magic to the magazine recommendation vs. an online thread with everyone able to weigh in. In a magazine, an item was just there and by virtue of being there, it was magical and the gold standard. It wasn’t clickable and I would very rarely ever make the effort to find and buy it, but it was aspirational and pretty and helped me imagine a world in which I lived a life in which that could be mine. But with almost everything online, once I can click it and see reviews, the shine has dulled. Because for every person who OMG LOVES it, there’s someone who UGH too. An example would be yesterday’s thread where the sunrise alarm clock got a whole lot of hate, but I’ve sworn by mine for years and just recommended it with so much enthusiasm to a friend. It’s why I can barely stand to read reviews or recommendations anymore when I’m shopping because they make me wary of anything I buy! I miss the days of having our glossy pages separate from our actual shopping experiences......
This is so interesting, and you're totally right. Magazine recommendations always seemed so unattainable--almost encased in glass. As a result, I can't think of anything I ever bought based on a magazine rec, whereas I've definitely bought things based on newsletter or forum recs, but they do seem much messier--brought down to earth, and because of that you have to weed through all sorts of conflicting opinions.
Yes indeed - and I deal with enough conflicting opinions everywhere else in life that sometimes I just want to imagine that an item WOULD be as perfect as it seems ☺️
Yeah. I agree that “just click” takes some magic away. I remember the one time I actually called the phone number listed under a recommendation (remember that?!). They were sold out. Ha!
I think good recommendations, like good advice, come from a thoughtful place that takes into account the requirements or guidelines given by the individual seeking advice or a recommendation. I love Ask.MetaFilter.com. The only challenge is those who respond to questions often respond to the question they want to answer rather than the question that was actually posed. When I was younger, I was fixated on figuring out how to correctly perform taste publicly. I grew up poor, and will never forget the two times my college friend (and later housemate) cut me down to size. Once, as I was clearing dishes, she told me to stop scraping leftovers into a single dish to stack them because that was low-rent. Another time, I made a dress for an event at my first job out of college. After I was done sewing, she looked at it and told me it looked like it was made out of quilt fabric. And maybe it was! TL;DR, I used to curate my bathroom reading to impress the guests I rarely had. I felt wrong at all times, courtesy of many things including the women's magazine industry. Your newsletter, several others, and also MetaFilter are much better sources of recommendations. I am largely over attempting to demonstrate good taste publicly (apart from the unfortunate brown-and-peach jumpsuit I bought earlier in the year). Thanks for the topic!
Scraping the leftovers onto a single plate to stack them is low-rent? Ha ha ha. Hmm. I don’t know about that one but ok.
Wow this is really interesting, I'm really enjoying thinking about this. I think there are two buckets of recommendation types for me that play very different roles in my life:
1. Topics on which I have a good and refined sense of my own taste.
For me, this includes books & cooking - I read and cook a lot, know what I like and what I don't, have my own theories and ideas and styles. I love recs on these topics because it feels like late-night dorm room chatting with smart people - maybe i'll get a new lens on something I already think, maybe I'll find something new and different that gets me out of my comfort zone, maybe I can show off my own taste a bit. It feels fun and conversational and a bit flattering, as discussed above.
2. Topics on which I know nothing/am intimidated.
There are other topics I just need someone to for the love of god tell me what to do. I have put buying/doing a thing forever, I'm paralyzed, I have (or feel like i have) no taste or judgement that I can trust, I just need someone to fix this for me. For things like clothes or interior design, I have such a lack of style/taste. I've really tried, but I just have a blindness to it where I can't figure out how to make things look good. I really need to piggyback on someone's else more refined eye, and it's just about finding someone I trust to tell me what to do. This type of rec isn't about fun, it's about desperation. (this includes many of my this-purchase-will fix everything purchases, obvi).
This is such a helpful distinction, Leah. I think I also have the same divisions as you lol (books/cooking - confident; clothing/interior design - HELP). I also find that in the areas I'm confident, I have such a strong sense of what I want/need that I'm able to find more helpful recommendations, because I know my own parameters.
I feel like case #2 is where trusted recommendations are worth their weight in gold. I tend to get totally overwhelmed by the options when I look for reviews online (see: coffee grinders, bicycles). There are SO many options, and about 1000 opinions for every option. If you can get one (1) intelligent opinion from someone who knows what is going on it saves so much frustration/time/money.
One component of recommendation culture is definitely US-specific in the sense that it rests on the ease of online ordering and free or cheap shipping. I live in Canada and most American-recommended (or European -rec'ed) stuff will require a trip across the border or a ridiculous amount of shipping/import duties (see: €100 shorts from Sezane recommended on twitter for which I paid $45 import tax). I'm not mad at this, but it definitely shapes how I engage with recommendations (very little) since their relevance/availability is limited. When I do, it's more out of curiosity about how other people think about things and criteria for appreciation.
I definitely feel this with all of the UK and European newsletters I read! Even their book recs take a lot more work to source because they often have different titles in the US or aren’t linked to a seller that ships to the US.
I felt weirdly free and impervious to advertising when I was living abroad where there was basically no online shopping available. Like ha ha ha I can listen to all your ads and recommendations knowing that there's no way I will buy them! I thought I would want my friend who was coming to visit a few months into my stay there to bring me a ton of things from the U.S., but by the time she was coming, I couldn't even remember what I thought I'd needed. (Not to make light of people who struggle to access things they actually do need)
Yes! Having either no access at all or continuous and easy access both really work to dampen desire for stuff.
Yes! I'm in a few FB groups that are often like "can you rec something like X that is more accessible in Canada?"
One thing these comments make me consider is how we approach recommendations when money is or is not involved (our own or others). For example, with clothes/beauty products/homeware, etc etc etc, I'm both being asked to spend money and, in many cases, the recommender is getting a kickback. With books, articles, music, I don't necessarily have to spend any additional money, and the recommender presumably isn't getting any sort of financial benefit. How do you evaluate each one? What sort of trust do you need to have build to consume one vs. the other. What about other kinds of recommendations--restaurants, museums, trips, etc.? How do these categories shift our expectations for what a recommended product or experience should deliver?
I've thought about this a lot, which is part of the reason why I don't ever do affiliate links in recs (save for Bookshop, but all of those affiliate proceeds get donated; in fact I'm going to announce a big donation soon). But I also don't begrudge or judge sites like Caroline's who use the affiliate links as their business model. I think it just depends on transparency of that business model?
Transparency is so key--and integral to trust. I've definitely bought things where I know the recommender receives a commission, because I still trust their taste. But the instant I sense that there's some sort of perk they're getting to promote a product that isn't clearly stated, it really breaks the trust relationship.
I have a problem with journalists who use affiliate links, because to me it truly undermines their authority. You have been very thoughtful about how you have crafted Bookshop so sales lead to donations. That is super smart. I understand that there are different business models. It just means that I trust the advice of some writers more than others largely because of their business model.
I have been getting so annoyed with the Today Show because it is sooo much recommendations related to their relationship with Amazon. Does the Today Show not make enough money without having to whore for Amazon? It’s begun to feel like a long infomercial.
Yup, this is totally a thing. I hate it, too. Or would, if I ever watched the Today Show. Being in Sweden, it is not exactly top of mind. But I see product placement stuff on commercial TV in Sweden as well. It just sucks.
Ugh, me every time a handful of influencers I follow (who have other jobs, generally) link a dress I love…. Only to find out it’s $300. I had to unfollow a few because their recs were so outrageously expensive and it just made me feel less than because that is NOT in my budget (or even what I necessarily want to spend money on…. But not being *able* to spend that money feels restrictive even so)
This. Nothing shakes me back to reality than seeing a vacationesque maxi dress priced at $1,500.
Agreed. I sometimes have mixed feelings when people recommend expensive things that they got to try for free. That's why I sometimes appreciate reddit for recommendations or reviews. I also think the plethora of recommendations sometimes makes me uneasy about consuming more things as opposed to when I'm specifically seeking out advice about something.
I use recs on the Internet a lot because it is so hard to search for anything purely off Google. I doubt so many search hits because I know what goes into listings, how many scams there are, etc. I need someone's full experience with something to make a decision.
This was so interesting to read--I have so many thoughts! I just started a newsletter last week after hemming and hawing about it for over a year, and something I originally wanted to include were sporadic recommendations, because I LOVE to engage with them on both ends (giving and receiving). But I've pulled back from the idea for now for exactly the reasons you've laid out here: I don't (really) have an audience yet, so there's no established trust or bond to build from. It'd feel weird to even give recommendations when I don't have an audience to "know"--I'd be making tons of assumptions about who they are/will be, what's important to them, what they like, etc. Part of why I love recommendations in newsletters or on social media is because I've sought out these people to follow and feel aligned with them in some way, so their recommendations feel more intimate. It feels like a weird sort of celebrity effect--I don't *actually* know all the writers I'm following, but it FEELS like I do, so I take their recommendations more seriously than random reviews or even Wirecutter recommendations, for example.
PS. Anne, during the gift concierge thread during the holidays, you recommended Paul Newman's memoir for my stepmom who loves reading and old Hollywood--she said it was one of her favorite gifts last year! Big big thanks. :)
PAUL NEWMAN IS ALWAYS THE PERFECT GIFT!!!
There’s something about the way we shop now (mostly online, millions of options, have to mail back returns) that almost requires the recommendation discussions. If I’m going to buy sheets online, I need to know how they feel, what people like about them, how long they last before I purchase.
Another point that may be specific to those of us of a certain age, but I sometimes I need the discussion I’d have with a friend at the mall in say 1997, even if it’s manufactured with strangers on the internet that happen to listen to the same podcast.
as a skincare and makeup enthusiast with specific intolerances and needs, i *love* youtube/long form reviews, first-impressions, and wear tests. although i don't love the impossible to escape capitalistic cycle of "buy this and your life will change forever" mentality, i deeply appreciate that there are people out there dedicated to trying out products so that i can have more information before i make a purchase - it's work, and i'm happy to compensate them with ad dollars and affiliate links. i also like to follow those whom i feel have a measured approach and real curiosity in the topic itself versus those who feel like a content machine.
i often reflect on this relationship with creators and their recommendations. it can be parasocial, and/or it can be a valued resource. for marginalized folks who don't often see themselves represented in a space (e.g. makeup before the age of fenty and its groundbreaking 40 foundation shades), it's moving, connective, and important to see creators on the search/recommending things that addresses a relevant need in the audience's lives. it's representation - it makes me think of that scene in Devil Wears Prada where Tucci is talking about the magazine being a beacon of hope - for those not living in cities, it's powerful to see your life, needs, and wants reflected back to you in a tangible way. at the risk of sounding contrite, a good recommendation for anything, from makeup to health services to books/movies, make you feel less alone.