This was great but now I need both an extensive follow-up about Drew Barrymore from the late 1990s through 2010's Going the Distance (Never Been Kissed! Wedding Singer! Home Fries! Ever After! Fever Pitch! 50 First Dates! He's Just Not that Into You! -- such an incredible mix of seriously problematic and kind of interesting/weird movies) and about 12 hours to binge-watch all those movies. Which I do not have.
I cover Drew Barrymore (and her cinematic soulmate Adam Sandler) in the book! I think you've summed it up well. It's a really idiosyncratic rom-com run; I could easily have done a whole chapter just unpacking what's great and what's, uh, yikes! about Never Been Kissed.
I would love, love, love to see all of Jasmine Guillory's romcom novels turned into films. Not only are they racially diverse, there are prime roles for 50somethings ("Royal Holiday"). And like the Netflix Christmas movie universe, all the main characters are relatives and/or friends of one another.
I was going to comment that it seems surprising that Hello Sunshine hasn't picked up the rights for those, because they seem right up their alley. Then I looked at Jasmine Guillory's website, and it seems like they have! Don't know if they're actively working on them, but they've at least optioned them.
I would be really interested in reading more about Hallmark's romance market and the influence on the current rise of rom-coms. It seems like the streaming services have recognized that 1) there is a market and 2) they can make rom-coms relatively cheaply. It feels to me like there's a direct influence, but I'm not sure!
Oh, I think this is ABSOLUTELY the case. The Hallmark model is about as durable and consistent as it gets, and the audience demand seems to be completely insatiable. I never talked to anyone who confirmed that Netflix looks at Hallmark as a direct comp, but there are a whole subset of Netflix rom-coms — especially the Christmas movies I mentioned above — that are clearly riffing on what Hallmark is doing.
Thank you for confirming my suspicions. Hallmark really snuck up on me. My Dad can’t get enough of them and they seem to be the most generic of genre films, which I find so fascinating in a landscape where everything has to be 2 hours long and overly plotted. I’m so excited to get knee deep in this book!
You know, I've been surprised by a couple decent rom-coms put out by Netflix, like The Holidate or Love Hard. Would have loved to see the interviewee's opinion on these two titles.
I interviewed Tiffany Paulsen, the screenwriter of Holidate, for the book! That movie has a really interesting story. Tiffany wrote the script and shopped it around for years before it actually got produced. Everyone who read it liked it, but told her no one was making rom-coms anymore. Then McG — yes, the McG who directed Charlie's Angels, Terminator: Salvation, et al. — read it, loved it, and told her he'd have an answer for her within a day. Less than 24 hours later, he called and told her Netflix wanted to make it. That's a good example of just how fast they started moving once they got into the rom-com business. (McG has actually produced a bunch of them, including Love Hard.)
As for those two movies: I like them! I don't put them at the top of the Netflix rom-com tier, but I think what they're doing make a lot of sense for streaming: Hook-y premise, a well-liked star they can put on the little graphic, releasing around the holidays as something light and fun that most of your family will probably like (although Holidate gets a little steamier than I would have expected)!
Scott, thank you for this and for the recs. I read the excerpt of the chapter on My Best Friend's Wedding on Vulture, and it absolutely hooked me. Side note: I loved that movie so much when it first came out but at the time wanted Julianne to get the guy. When I re-watched it about 10 years ago (now married and wiser), I was horrified by Julianne. Your writing gave me a more complete and nuanced perspective that made me love it again and maybe even more. It's funny how our relationships with our favorites can change. But my love for When Harry Met Sally and Moonstruck is unyielding, immovable and true. (So I also hate that Moonstruck ended up on the cutting floor.)
Anyway, all that to say that I'll be picking up the full book soon!
Thanks so much, Beth! (And for the record, Moonstruck is definitely the movie I've gotten the most complaints about not covering in the book. Maybe I should have made it a 35-year history...)
I also find it problematic that these comedies are based on the assumption everyone can experience attraction (romantic or physical) almost immediately. For this very reason, I never really got into these movies. No shade to anyone who does! It's just that I don't recognize myself in them.
When Harry Met Sally is and example of the opposite. They're friends for YEARS before they become more than friends. I take your point that instantaneous attraction isn't a universal trait; there are quite a few tropes in the genre that don't rely on it.
I like that there has been a big expansion in the past 5-10 years in terms of talking about sexuality, including asexuality, demisexuality, asexual-alloromantic, and other ways of experiencing intimacy. So many people I know who felt like they weren't "normal" have felt affirmed by these conversions.
As a demisexual, that's why I loved movies like 13 Going on 30 and Made of Honor so much! Rather than being about instant love, they have the best friend-to-lover plotline!
I’m so glad he touched on the whiteness/straightness of Nora Ephron movies. She seemed to have gotten the message by You’ve Got Mail, which included Dave Chappelle in the best buddy role, and had a lesbian note (“the nanny”). Her films had two flaws for me: there were always smart-ass children, and she focused on then-trendy technology as a way to show how hip she was - phones and video, computer reservations, email and live chats. You could eliminate both, and still be left with decent romcoms.
Oh, man, I’ve maybe never bought a book so fast…and the mention of Always Be My Maybe made me go back and rewatch the trailer and remember how much I loved that movie.
I think I went through a long period of thinking I was too good for rom coms and romance novels, but Covid broke me. There’s nothing like a love story to give you a little bit of hope, and there are so many good ones covering so many different types of relationships out there right now…at least in terms of books, and it sounds like visual media is heading the same way.
I loved this interview so much--and now I'm looking forward to reading the book. I was a huge enjoyer of romcoms growing up, I watched them really uncritically and absorbed all kinds of ideas from them I had to unlearn later. Now as a divorced queer adult I have such a different perspective. But I still love my flawed childhood romcoms! And some new ones--it's really exciting to see stories getting told now that didn't exist when I was a kid.
I’m blown away by the origin of Pretty Woman, and more than a little curious about that script. I’m also curious what other surprises the author came across during his research?
There were so many! Because rom-coms are so chemistry-based, the first thing that comes to mind is some of the other actors who were up for these roles. Al Pacino did a reading with Julia Roberts for Pretty Woman. Russell Crowe was the director's first choice for My Best Friend's Wedding. Courteney Cox's agents passed on There's Something About Mary without telling her, so the role went to Cameron Diaz. Nancy Meyers wrote The Holiday for Hugh Grant, but gave it to Jude Law when Grant passed. It's absolutely wild to think about how different these movies would have been with a single different actor.
Fascinated about the observation about how there was a choice to emphasise "cleanliness" in Pretty Woman, that particular part where suddenly the script had the Richard Gere character getting super sanctimonious and angry because he thinks she has drugs, ready to kick her out in disgust, like for everything else he was participating in that evening, that was CROSSING A LINE. But then it's just floss. Even before reading about this back story, that part always seemed weird to me.
This is one of my favorite parts of Pretty Woman because you can see the seams - you know how this garment is made and for some reason that is always exhilarating in filmmaking: here is this "hooker" who flosses, and flossing for some reason is truly the mark of a hygienic person. I always get so chuffed watching her put him in his place for thinking that just because she is a sex worker that she doesn't care for herself, that it is a given that she would abuse her own body.
I haven't seen a lot of these movies, my rom-com introduction was mostly through Mindy Kaling and so the ones I've seen are mostly after her show premiered. The two iconic rom coms I think about growing up with are Legally Blond and Clueless, are these not properly considered rom coms? Since they're more a journey of self-discovery with romantic themes secondary?
Also shout out to Mindy Kaling for teaching me why liking rom coms is cool after an adolescence spent watching "cool-girl" car chase and kung fu movies.
I have a hard time trusting a decision to leave Moonstruck on the cutting room floor. It's my mom's favorite movie, we watched every year for the holidays, and it's probably in my three-movies-on-a-desert-island list.
Yeah, I'd frame Legally Blonde and Clueless as comedies with a romantic subplot ... for a true romantic comedy, the relationship has to be the central narrative focus, and it's not in either of those stories.
But there's lots of dispute over what "romantic comedy" means! There are a lot of people who would consider anything that's both romantic and comedic as a romantic comedy ... there are other people who think it's a very specific term for a formula that has to hit certain plot beats (two people meet who are both struggling with a lack of something in their lives, and then find it in each other as they fall in love). There's a lot of material that falls somewhere in between those two ends of the spectrum.
I love Moonstruck too, Nadya! Everything about it is great. Some of the lines pop into my head regularly: "one day I'm going to come to your funeral in a red dress!" and "how did I know he was a gift I couldn't keep?" and "Who's dead?"
Oh dear, I have not seen it (or, actually...almost any of these, tbh). I don't even know what it's about! I do remember seeing the VHS box in my grandparents' basement when I was a kid, but that's about it. Maybe I need to watch it...?
I recently watched it for the first time in years, and not only did it hold up, I think it was better than I even remembered. If you love a good, slightly offbeat rom-com, I highly recommend it!
It really holds up! I watched it again with my college aged boys last year and they recognized so much of the dialogue because I use the phrases so much all the time. It builds a whole world and even the small scenes, like of the couple in the liquor store, are all perfect in every way. There is a love story, and a happily ever after, but there is also a love story with the world depicted. Now I want to watch it again.
I'm an engineer and I have a "it costs money because it saves money" meme saved on my phone. Also will always call the moon a snowball. Miss B you should watch it!!! It is, in my mind, a perfect move, every scene. It's about Cher giving up on love and then falling in love. And about family, and old people being in love, and Italians. It's just great.
I love Mindy Kaling so much! One reason is that she speaks up for and centers those of us who would be relegated to the “quirky sidekick” role in typical rom-coms. She said once in an interview that there are no sidekicks in real life; we are all the main characters of our own stories.
I quit watching Bridgerton (even though René-Jean Page smolders!) because the petite, rich, beautiful, and kind of stuck-up female lead reminded me too much of the cheerleaders in my high school. Why should I be rooting for her? I wondered. Give me a smart and nerdy Mindy Kaling-style heroine, I say!
Thank you for this! There’s such a vast amount of stuff on streaming that it’s difficult to parse it all. Now I have some great recommendations. I’ll be checking out the book as well. We all need some rom-com escapism right now.
Have you ever done a deep dive on the awful weirdness of bridesmaiding? As a 40-year-old, I thought I was past this awkward phase of my life but I was recently asked to be a bridesmaid by a good friend again who assured me (because she knows my position on bridesmaiding well) that this would not be like other weddings and would be totally chill … spoiler it’s just as bad! Granted I have far fewer f*^%s to give so that’s great, but I’m already being triggered left and right, between needing to pick a dress 8 months in advance (Wth takes them so long to make these awful dresses!?) as I undergo IVF for the third time, to being subjected to the ritualistic negative body talk that amounts to inter-maid small talk, to trying to intercede on overly lavish and ridiculous plans for bridal shower, bachelorette weekend etc. Its a freaking minefield. I hate all of this stuff so much I just eloped and had a big casual party after and I have been the absolute worst bridesmaid with the bad attitude at every single wedding I’ve been asked to be in so maybe I’m a bit of an outlier, but really I can’t be right!?
I actually don't understand the problem with Martine M in Love Actually. The ex boyfriend who put her down for overweight is clearly shown to be wrong. She's shown to be very desirable in the film -- when the Prime Minister is going house to house, she is, symbolically, the princess that the (thin) office worker with her eye on Alan Rickman could be, but isn't. Am I missing something??
The biggest problem, for me, is that those comments come from multiple characters, including her coworkers and her family members. That makes it feel not like the perspective of, say, a single creepy ex-boyfriend we're supposed to dislike, but the perspective of the movie itself.
That's an interesting perspective. But she's a desirable heroine who gets a guy, also -- so the perspective of the movie is that she's desired and successful at love, in my personal view. I have to add, I'm overweight myself, which I'm sure influences my perspective. The characters in the movie who refer to her as overweight seem obsessed by a bit of mild, mild chub in an unhealthy way (their mental unhealth, I mean) -- which is all too representative of actual offices, in my experience.
Your take is Martine's take as well: ""For me, it was always the point that she was, according to Richard [Curtis], a beautiful girl. She turned the prime minister’s head and her issues weren’t real issues. Every woman thinks there’s something wrong with them when in actual fact, as Hugh has said in other films, they are perfect and lovely as they are. She was meant to be the embodiment of that and I think sometimes people have missed that point. All the things she worried about and all the things that her boyfriend said she was because he wasn’t with her anymore... that was the whole point, you’re meant to go: ‘No she’s not, I think she’s lovely!'"
That said, if that was the intended idea, the writing doesn't communicate it well, because it doesn't really imply the issues are all in her head. Multiple characters comment on her weight. The movie doesn't give the audience a good context for how we're supposed to react to those comments. It works better in Bridget Jones's Diary, when Bridget's obsession with her weight is more clearly an example of her own neuroticism, not a preoccupation of any of the other characters.
(My understanding is also that the tabloid press had branded Martine "chubby" when she'd worked on EastEnders, and the jokes in the movie were simply intended as a wink at how dumb that controversy was. Which maybe came across more clearly to a British audience, but got lost internationally, for viewers who had no understanding of that?)
This was great but now I need both an extensive follow-up about Drew Barrymore from the late 1990s through 2010's Going the Distance (Never Been Kissed! Wedding Singer! Home Fries! Ever After! Fever Pitch! 50 First Dates! He's Just Not that Into You! -- such an incredible mix of seriously problematic and kind of interesting/weird movies) and about 12 hours to binge-watch all those movies. Which I do not have.
I cover Drew Barrymore (and her cinematic soulmate Adam Sandler) in the book! I think you've summed it up well. It's a really idiosyncratic rom-com run; I could easily have done a whole chapter just unpacking what's great and what's, uh, yikes! about Never Been Kissed.
Ok, sold.
+ Ever After!
I would love, love, love to see all of Jasmine Guillory's romcom novels turned into films. Not only are they racially diverse, there are prime roles for 50somethings ("Royal Holiday"). And like the Netflix Christmas movie universe, all the main characters are relatives and/or friends of one another.
I was going to comment that it seems surprising that Hello Sunshine hasn't picked up the rights for those, because they seem right up their alley. Then I looked at Jasmine Guillory's website, and it seems like they have! Don't know if they're actively working on them, but they've at least optioned them.
Yes!!! Great idea!
I would be really interested in reading more about Hallmark's romance market and the influence on the current rise of rom-coms. It seems like the streaming services have recognized that 1) there is a market and 2) they can make rom-coms relatively cheaply. It feels to me like there's a direct influence, but I'm not sure!
Oh, I think this is ABSOLUTELY the case. The Hallmark model is about as durable and consistent as it gets, and the audience demand seems to be completely insatiable. I never talked to anyone who confirmed that Netflix looks at Hallmark as a direct comp, but there are a whole subset of Netflix rom-coms — especially the Christmas movies I mentioned above — that are clearly riffing on what Hallmark is doing.
Thank you for confirming my suspicions. Hallmark really snuck up on me. My Dad can’t get enough of them and they seem to be the most generic of genre films, which I find so fascinating in a landscape where everything has to be 2 hours long and overly plotted. I’m so excited to get knee deep in this book!
You know, I've been surprised by a couple decent rom-coms put out by Netflix, like The Holidate or Love Hard. Would have loved to see the interviewee's opinion on these two titles.
I interviewed Tiffany Paulsen, the screenwriter of Holidate, for the book! That movie has a really interesting story. Tiffany wrote the script and shopped it around for years before it actually got produced. Everyone who read it liked it, but told her no one was making rom-coms anymore. Then McG — yes, the McG who directed Charlie's Angels, Terminator: Salvation, et al. — read it, loved it, and told her he'd have an answer for her within a day. Less than 24 hours later, he called and told her Netflix wanted to make it. That's a good example of just how fast they started moving once they got into the rom-com business. (McG has actually produced a bunch of them, including Love Hard.)
As for those two movies: I like them! I don't put them at the top of the Netflix rom-com tier, but I think what they're doing make a lot of sense for streaming: Hook-y premise, a well-liked star they can put on the little graphic, releasing around the holidays as something light and fun that most of your family will probably like (although Holidate gets a little steamier than I would have expected)!
Lol I did kind of regret watching Holidate my parents about half way thru… but I guess not worse than Love Actually’s parent-cringe moments haha
Scott, thank you for this and for the recs. I read the excerpt of the chapter on My Best Friend's Wedding on Vulture, and it absolutely hooked me. Side note: I loved that movie so much when it first came out but at the time wanted Julianne to get the guy. When I re-watched it about 10 years ago (now married and wiser), I was horrified by Julianne. Your writing gave me a more complete and nuanced perspective that made me love it again and maybe even more. It's funny how our relationships with our favorites can change. But my love for When Harry Met Sally and Moonstruck is unyielding, immovable and true. (So I also hate that Moonstruck ended up on the cutting floor.)
Anyway, all that to say that I'll be picking up the full book soon!
Thank you for calling out that the Vulture piece on My Best Friend’s Wedding was by this author!! I really enjoyed reading about it.
Thanks so much, Beth! (And for the record, Moonstruck is definitely the movie I've gotten the most complaints about not covering in the book. Maybe I should have made it a 35-year history...)
I also find it problematic that these comedies are based on the assumption everyone can experience attraction (romantic or physical) almost immediately. For this very reason, I never really got into these movies. No shade to anyone who does! It's just that I don't recognize myself in them.
When Harry Met Sally is and example of the opposite. They're friends for YEARS before they become more than friends. I take your point that instantaneous attraction isn't a universal trait; there are quite a few tropes in the genre that don't rely on it.
I expect to see instant attraction in romcoms so much that I end up never watching them! Good to know about Harry and Sally's timeline :-)
I like that there has been a big expansion in the past 5-10 years in terms of talking about sexuality, including asexuality, demisexuality, asexual-alloromantic, and other ways of experiencing intimacy. So many people I know who felt like they weren't "normal" have felt affirmed by these conversions.
As a demisexual, that's why I loved movies like 13 Going on 30 and Made of Honor so much! Rather than being about instant love, they have the best friend-to-lover plotline!
I’m so glad he touched on the whiteness/straightness of Nora Ephron movies. She seemed to have gotten the message by You’ve Got Mail, which included Dave Chappelle in the best buddy role, and had a lesbian note (“the nanny”). Her films had two flaws for me: there were always smart-ass children, and she focused on then-trendy technology as a way to show how hip she was - phones and video, computer reservations, email and live chats. You could eliminate both, and still be left with decent romcoms.
Oh, man, I’ve maybe never bought a book so fast…and the mention of Always Be My Maybe made me go back and rewatch the trailer and remember how much I loved that movie.
I think I went through a long period of thinking I was too good for rom coms and romance novels, but Covid broke me. There’s nothing like a love story to give you a little bit of hope, and there are so many good ones covering so many different types of relationships out there right now…at least in terms of books, and it sounds like visual media is heading the same way.
I loved this interview so much--and now I'm looking forward to reading the book. I was a huge enjoyer of romcoms growing up, I watched them really uncritically and absorbed all kinds of ideas from them I had to unlearn later. Now as a divorced queer adult I have such a different perspective. But I still love my flawed childhood romcoms! And some new ones--it's really exciting to see stories getting told now that didn't exist when I was a kid.
the netflix christmas rom-com universe kept us (close to) sane over the last year.
year plus!
I’m blown away by the origin of Pretty Woman, and more than a little curious about that script. I’m also curious what other surprises the author came across during his research?
There were so many! Because rom-coms are so chemistry-based, the first thing that comes to mind is some of the other actors who were up for these roles. Al Pacino did a reading with Julia Roberts for Pretty Woman. Russell Crowe was the director's first choice for My Best Friend's Wedding. Courteney Cox's agents passed on There's Something About Mary without telling her, so the role went to Cameron Diaz. Nancy Meyers wrote The Holiday for Hugh Grant, but gave it to Jude Law when Grant passed. It's absolutely wild to think about how different these movies would have been with a single different actor.
Fascinated about the observation about how there was a choice to emphasise "cleanliness" in Pretty Woman, that particular part where suddenly the script had the Richard Gere character getting super sanctimonious and angry because he thinks she has drugs, ready to kick her out in disgust, like for everything else he was participating in that evening, that was CROSSING A LINE. But then it's just floss. Even before reading about this back story, that part always seemed weird to me.
This is one of my favorite parts of Pretty Woman because you can see the seams - you know how this garment is made and for some reason that is always exhilarating in filmmaking: here is this "hooker" who flosses, and flossing for some reason is truly the mark of a hygienic person. I always get so chuffed watching her put him in his place for thinking that just because she is a sex worker that she doesn't care for herself, that it is a given that she would abuse her own body.
I haven't seen a lot of these movies, my rom-com introduction was mostly through Mindy Kaling and so the ones I've seen are mostly after her show premiered. The two iconic rom coms I think about growing up with are Legally Blond and Clueless, are these not properly considered rom coms? Since they're more a journey of self-discovery with romantic themes secondary?
Also shout out to Mindy Kaling for teaching me why liking rom coms is cool after an adolescence spent watching "cool-girl" car chase and kung fu movies.
I have a hard time trusting a decision to leave Moonstruck on the cutting room floor. It's my mom's favorite movie, we watched every year for the holidays, and it's probably in my three-movies-on-a-desert-island list.
Yeah, I'd frame Legally Blonde and Clueless as comedies with a romantic subplot ... for a true romantic comedy, the relationship has to be the central narrative focus, and it's not in either of those stories.
But there's lots of dispute over what "romantic comedy" means! There are a lot of people who would consider anything that's both romantic and comedic as a romantic comedy ... there are other people who think it's a very specific term for a formula that has to hit certain plot beats (two people meet who are both struggling with a lack of something in their lives, and then find it in each other as they fall in love). There's a lot of material that falls somewhere in between those two ends of the spectrum.
That makes sense Heather. I have learned to appreciate the formula as I get older!
I love Moonstruck too, Nadya! Everything about it is great. Some of the lines pop into my head regularly: "one day I'm going to come to your funeral in a red dress!" and "how did I know he was a gift I couldn't keep?" and "Who's dead?"
"I just want you to know no matter what you do, you're gonna die, just like everybody else." I could probably quote the whole movie!
Oh dear, I have not seen it (or, actually...almost any of these, tbh). I don't even know what it's about! I do remember seeing the VHS box in my grandparents' basement when I was a kid, but that's about it. Maybe I need to watch it...?
I recently watched it for the first time in years, and not only did it hold up, I think it was better than I even remembered. If you love a good, slightly offbeat rom-com, I highly recommend it!
It really holds up! I watched it again with my college aged boys last year and they recognized so much of the dialogue because I use the phrases so much all the time. It builds a whole world and even the small scenes, like of the couple in the liquor store, are all perfect in every way. There is a love story, and a happily ever after, but there is also a love story with the world depicted. Now I want to watch it again.
I'm an engineer and I have a "it costs money because it saves money" meme saved on my phone. Also will always call the moon a snowball. Miss B you should watch it!!! It is, in my mind, a perfect move, every scene. It's about Cher giving up on love and then falling in love. And about family, and old people being in love, and Italians. It's just great.
Ha, okay, well with that endorsement I clearly need to!
I love Mindy Kaling so much! One reason is that she speaks up for and centers those of us who would be relegated to the “quirky sidekick” role in typical rom-coms. She said once in an interview that there are no sidekicks in real life; we are all the main characters of our own stories.
I quit watching Bridgerton (even though René-Jean Page smolders!) because the petite, rich, beautiful, and kind of stuck-up female lead reminded me too much of the cheerleaders in my high school. Why should I be rooting for her? I wondered. Give me a smart and nerdy Mindy Kaling-style heroine, I say!
Thank you for this! There’s such a vast amount of stuff on streaming that it’s difficult to parse it all. Now I have some great recommendations. I’ll be checking out the book as well. We all need some rom-com escapism right now.
LOVED this article, and need this book. Going to watch his two recs this weekend.
Have you ever done a deep dive on the awful weirdness of bridesmaiding? As a 40-year-old, I thought I was past this awkward phase of my life but I was recently asked to be a bridesmaid by a good friend again who assured me (because she knows my position on bridesmaiding well) that this would not be like other weddings and would be totally chill … spoiler it’s just as bad! Granted I have far fewer f*^%s to give so that’s great, but I’m already being triggered left and right, between needing to pick a dress 8 months in advance (Wth takes them so long to make these awful dresses!?) as I undergo IVF for the third time, to being subjected to the ritualistic negative body talk that amounts to inter-maid small talk, to trying to intercede on overly lavish and ridiculous plans for bridal shower, bachelorette weekend etc. Its a freaking minefield. I hate all of this stuff so much I just eloped and had a big casual party after and I have been the absolute worst bridesmaid with the bad attitude at every single wedding I’ve been asked to be in so maybe I’m a bit of an outlier, but really I can’t be right!?
I actually don't understand the problem with Martine M in Love Actually. The ex boyfriend who put her down for overweight is clearly shown to be wrong. She's shown to be very desirable in the film -- when the Prime Minister is going house to house, she is, symbolically, the princess that the (thin) office worker with her eye on Alan Rickman could be, but isn't. Am I missing something??
Lindy West addresses this to some degree in her takedown of "Love Actually," which is a hilarious classic of film criticism: https://jezebel.com/i-rewatched-love-actually-and-am-here-to-ruin-it-for-al-1485136388
The biggest problem, for me, is that those comments come from multiple characters, including her coworkers and her family members. That makes it feel not like the perspective of, say, a single creepy ex-boyfriend we're supposed to dislike, but the perspective of the movie itself.
That's an interesting perspective. But she's a desirable heroine who gets a guy, also -- so the perspective of the movie is that she's desired and successful at love, in my personal view. I have to add, I'm overweight myself, which I'm sure influences my perspective. The characters in the movie who refer to her as overweight seem obsessed by a bit of mild, mild chub in an unhealthy way (their mental unhealth, I mean) -- which is all too representative of actual offices, in my experience.
Your take is Martine's take as well: ""For me, it was always the point that she was, according to Richard [Curtis], a beautiful girl. She turned the prime minister’s head and her issues weren’t real issues. Every woman thinks there’s something wrong with them when in actual fact, as Hugh has said in other films, they are perfect and lovely as they are. She was meant to be the embodiment of that and I think sometimes people have missed that point. All the things she worried about and all the things that her boyfriend said she was because he wasn’t with her anymore... that was the whole point, you’re meant to go: ‘No she’s not, I think she’s lovely!'"
That said, if that was the intended idea, the writing doesn't communicate it well, because it doesn't really imply the issues are all in her head. Multiple characters comment on her weight. The movie doesn't give the audience a good context for how we're supposed to react to those comments. It works better in Bridget Jones's Diary, when Bridget's obsession with her weight is more clearly an example of her own neuroticism, not a preoccupation of any of the other characters.
(My understanding is also that the tabloid press had branded Martine "chubby" when she'd worked on EastEnders, and the jokes in the movie were simply intended as a wink at how dumb that controversy was. Which maybe came across more clearly to a British audience, but got lost internationally, for viewers who had no understanding of that?)