The nearly 70% of white women who voted for trump across the country argues that it's not just that America hates women, including some women who can't bring themselves to vote for a woman, but also that white supremacy and the myth of white exceptionalism is alive and well. These white women went to the polls, voted for the own abortion rights in many states, and then voted for Trump - they believe their whiteness will protect them. And as a white woman, this is horrifying. Women are not the activist, revolutionary bloc I would like them to be. Maybe Black women are (only 8% of them voted for Trump). But race is such a powerful predictor here that it cannot be ignored.
Adding to this that Ilhan Omar won in a district that Kamala Harris lost. There is a lot more than gender and even race at play here, and we do everyone a disservice if we try to just reduce this to identity politics.
Agree - and also that they don't always operate in predictable ways. I strongly suspect that the people who voted for Ilhan Omar and not Harris are either Stein/Third Party voters or did not cast a vote in the presidential race. There are many progressives who are women and Black or brown women who were not energized by Harris or were actively turned off by her stance on Gaza. The mythical centrist white woman who is going to cross over and vote for a Democrat may not exist (or rarely) and courting their votes may have cost progressive votes.
yes i am so sick of dems trying to peel off 100 suburban white women in pennsylvania or whatever it is in local context versus getting people who are politically disengaged to vote. apparently nothing was learned from 2016.
This is 100% true in rural Texas. The folks who’ve held on to their non-Republican identity out here* are rabidly attached to very specific issues like prison condition reform, policing overhauls (with often a lingering commitment to “law and order” messaging), public school funding, and health care (because our hospitals keep closing and we need Medicare expansion). They don’t connect as much to abortion messaging or even “middle class tax cuts.” But when Beto came and talked with activists, they had to suppress our votes to stop him from winning. I’m so afraid the wrong lessons are going to be learned again.
Yes, thank you for this. I think many women were able to vote for an abortion referendum in their state, so that meant they didn't need to support Harris. Sure many Americans are misogynistic and racist, but Democrats under Biden failed to make people's lives "feel different" with their policies and actions as AOC said in an interview in 2020. How people perceived the economy and inflation and their own financial stability really influenced this election.
I don’t understand how Democrats didn’t make people’s lives feel different. I’m flummoxed. Inflation is crucial here but so much of what is broken is down to unchecked capitalism, running our health, education and social needs for profit. Seems to me the Biden admin did all it could to remedy - given the Covid catastrophe it was operating under. This does not address Israel and its US support over Gaza, but domestically it seems so much of what is wrong is what Dems have been trying, and rather successfully, to shore up and fix. Maybe it just appears that way to me an I’m really out of touch. After this election I know I am.
People vastly overestimate what a president can actually change, especially when global factors like Covid are in play. But then they are more than willing to overlook their own guy's failings. I'm curious to see if Trump voters notice the prices increase when tariffs go up and immigrants get kicked out. Then they'll blame someone else, I'm sure.
You're assuming that American voters understand - ideologically and academically - capitalism (and even inflation and how taxes work tbh) as an idea, think that it could be bad, link that to their lived reality AND think that the Dems want to change it and can change it. While more people will suffer due to the results of this election, a lot of people were going to suffer anyway if it went the other way.
I'm not disagreeing with your point but Kamala Harris won with 70% of the vote in Hennepin and Ramsey counties, and narrowly lost (49%) in Anoka county. Counties and districts are not the same thing but District 5 (Omar's) overlaps with these three counties and the presidential race is not reported at the district level anywhere as far as I can find.
This is super niche but I think about this, too. My current district is so gerrymandered I thought it was a mistake the first 2 times I looked. Our blue city “went for Trump” when you look at our enormous district.
Why are you blaming white women? Because it’s easy to blame them? Why are you not blaming white men? Seems very sexist and racist to me. Also not supported by the data.
Look at the numbers. Trump did not win because of white women, he won because he was voted in by all races. He made gains in every group except college educated women.
Trump made big gains among almost every demographic group: Latinos (45 percent went for Trump—a history-making number for a Republican presidential candidate), African Americans (13 percent voted Trump compared to 8 percent in 2020), Asians (39 percent), women (46 percent), the young (46 percent).
The only group Kamala Harris made gains with was white college-educated women and those over 65.
Every single person who voted for Trump bears responsibility for the choice. The reason I think it's so important to highlight the role of white women in electing him is because a common narrative can be this: "Men hate women, this country hates women, but we have been underestimated and we are a strong sisterhood that will fight back against this oppression." Except we're not a sisterhood at all - white women have consistently over many elections voted majority Republican, and that is true again. And Black and brown women have every reason not to trust us to actually act as sisters or vote for what is best for the most vulnerable in our country. Not every white woman, but the majority have chosen time and again to side with white supremacy instead of a mythical feminist block. And that is so disturbing and heartbreaking. Are there other groups that shifted toward Trump? Absolutely, but it is only white men and white women who have voted majority for him. Lastly, as a white woman, it is truly not my place to police the voting of historically exploited and marginalized communities - there is plenty of work to do in my own demographic and I'll use my voice here.
Where is this sisterhood narrative? I didn't see that conversation. Maybe for 10 minutes in the Pussy Hat era. I do see the "white women are the problem" a lot, from all sides. It's going to get us nowhere.
The GOP deftly used this by reminding women they got Karen-ed by the left. We lived through the post-Floyd era, where my social feeds were spontaneously woke white women calling out other white women non-stop. We see how that went.
The cultural narrative that **must** change is that women hate other women. We've been conditioned to compete, divide, zero-sum and, truly, hate ourselves, then express it by turning on each other. (Especially true of Gen X which went Trump the hardest, male and female) Meanwhile, getting so exhausted by everything we can't take more on. That's the game.
There's a vast cultural expanse between the 62% white no-college women + 39% of white college grads who voted for Trump, and still others between the white women of either cadre who voted for Harris.
MAGA and its comrades are exceptional at messaging, media and culture building. The Left had a brief joy bubble with Harris & Walz and got consultant-ed into milquetoast nothing mode yet again.
We will not change our own culture by constantly talking about how much it sucks, how much we suck - no matter how true it is. Marketing 101. It just drifts more people to the MAGA nihilist Frat party. It already did.
I am a cis woman mom to a 12 year trans daughter. I don't think they hate me--I don't think they care about me. And I don't think they don't hate my daughter--they think she is not worth protecting, expendable, and maybe a little disgusting. They also definitely find her terrifying. She is a gloriously happy lit-from-the-inside kind smart girl. (She just got asked out by a cute 8th grade boy yesterday at school--talk about terrifying!) She's on a puberty blocker and is excited to start female puberty in another 14 months. Republicans spent over 200m dollars on anti trans ads in the last 6 weeks of the campaign, and then they won. I am deeply afraid that the democrats will take this to mean that trans lives are not worth protecting, that my daughter is a a good bargaining chip for other goals the left has and maybe deem more important. Meanwhile for me, I am looking down the barrel of years of hyper vigilance and a series of harrowing decisions: Is it feasible to drive to Canada to get her medicine or do I need to move there with her (and away from my husband and son?)? If there is a federal ban on her using the girls bathroom will private school be enough to protect her? She loves the cross country team, but is it not safe for her to participate in sports (sports, which by the way, her doctors are thrilled she is participating in to protect her bone health)--will her school decide it's not worth protecting her right to play in the face of pressure from other parents? In other words I see a sea of shitty tradeoffs and decisions. And finally, I wonder if its better for her and for us if we just leave. I fought my ASS off for her rights this past year, and she is my daughter so I will keep fighting, but I am also so tired.
I can only imagine how much work you've put in fighting for your daughter — and I know I'm not alone saying that we will keep fighting for her and her rights, too.
The thought of you going through all this to support your daughter warms my heart and gives me hope in a way that nothing has for so long. I don’t know you or your beautiful daughter but I can only wish that more kids like her find the love and support of their families and friends like you and your family have shown, SPECIALLY in dark times like these. Wishing you all the best 🌠
Cis mom of trans girl here, same exact procession of thoughts, including assuring her we'll go to Canada if we need to in order to get her meds. I'm so heartbroken about the organized campaign by all these despicable adults to ostracize our kids.
What is making me sick to my stomach is the trickle down effect of this election on daily interpersonal interactions. I think Trump amplifies a lot of our basest instincts (pettiness, selfishness, greed, ego, fearmongering) and because he just won so big, it almosts gives people permission to give into their ugliest impulses instead of choosing compassion, humility, etc.. I definitely felt that during his first term. When Biden was elected, I took that as a sign of people rejecting that what Trump represents. But now I am bracing myself for people to indulge in their worst instincts for at least four more years. Thank you, @Anne, for the description of Trump’s ideology as “vibes-based.” I think that describes his “concepts of a plan” as well.
So much this. I'm horrified at the way T and folks like him (ahem, EM) have been rewarded by the system for choosing petty revenge instead of accountability. It feels like the endorsement of votes have only reinforced this behavior and set the example that this is how you win / get ahead.
yes, i feel like COVID is blamed for a shift in how people act in public settings, but i don't think that's the whole story, especially with how politics had shifted around the same time.
Aside from the actual policy consequences of the 2016 election, this was what I hated most about that era. I hated not feeling comfortable saying what felt like humanistic statements to strangers, for fear that someone would show their true colors, and we'd automatically write each other off as "not our kind". I want to know my neighbors and coworkers - and to hold them accountable when their opinions and actions are harmful. But that doesn't always feel safe.
Yes, America still hates women. Yes. It sickens me.
AND ALSO, more than ever, it hates trans people and Black and Brown people. That, to me, is even scarier.
I say this not to engage in an oppression Olympics; that's useful to exactly zero people. I say this to remind us of all who is at stake here, and selfishly, because I am, too.
I keep thinking about the parenting advice that's widespread right now, to tell your kids that no matter what happens, parents will. keep their kids safe. And I think a lot of bourgeois white parents of cis-gendered kids can say that knowing it's true. But I don't think it's true for those who don't have whiteness and cis-genderness to insulate them from the worst ramifications. Those of us who are relatively insulated must do absolutely everything we can do protect those who are not.
Even as a straight cis white woman I didn't feel like I could promise that to my daughter this morning, so instead I told her, "We're going to take care of each other. People who care will always be here and we will work really hard to take care of each other." I didn't feel like I could say anything else to her without lying.
This. I felt the same way. I already don’t feel like I can keep my daughter safe in a land that thinks guns are toys and women are expendable. How could I possibly promise to keep her safe when I can’t keep myself safe?
Also, living in CA, I’m frustrated that I hear ppl say, At least we live in CA. My city just voted in white Christian right wing candidates who will now “control” the board, and I already knew my kids would live in a country where the rights they have will vary from place to place, state to state. I am tired and scared. And still ready to fight. Today, I rest.
This. I grew up in Ohio and now live in CA. The amount of people who grew up here who blindly believe that all of CA is liberal or even progressive is astounding to me. Over 3 million Californians voted for trump. We have a role to play in this fight too.
Yes to this. The town south of the one I live in on 101 had masked klan-adjacent white supremacists demonstrating on the overpass. Generally, it's a progressive space, specifically, the strain of conservatism is intractable, bold, and threatens violence.
I see the parents in groups for parents of trans kids being absolutely devastated. As a trans adult (not even from the US) I don't really have an answer for them. The best I have to offer is "we have our community, we have always survived, we are strong", but you probably need to let your child feel their feelings first.
100%. As well-intentioned as that advice is, it is ultimately rooted in privilege. I'd say the same for wealthy parents of marginalized children. Both identity and wealth are indescribable boons at this time.
My son is trans and is a senior in high school. He is suddenly wondering if he needs to add a bunch of international schools to his college list (after already rejecting a number of schools that serve his academic interests well because they are in very red states). And he is one of the very, very lucky ones, growing up in an open, accepting family in a liberal Massachusetts town and attending a surprisingly progressive private school that intentionally values inclusivity and has provided him with a wonderful community of supporters who accept and value him exactly as he is. I can only imagine the terror of trans kids who are not so fortunate (most of them). Why gender diversity has become such a lightning rod for hate and divisiveness is beyond me. It literally affects no one other than the individual living with it. I guess all I can hope for is that JD Vance is right and my kid gets into his reach colleges just because of his pronouns! Ugh. God help us all.
They THINK they can say it and know it's true. Whether it's Trump or tornados, my mantra has always been, "Whatever happens, we will figure it out. We can handle it." That I can promise.
I'm not saying that this is all the same hate, but all of that overlaps pretty significantly. What is it that we call physical symptoms that appear together, that may not have the same root cause, but that pop up enough that they're usually studied together? Co-something? Anyway, that's what these hates are.
A powerful and moving essay of solidarity, thank you Anne Helen. I'm 67 (if you think America hates women, wait 'til you're an old woman) and I think since I was about six years old I've gotten one very consistent message: It doesn't matter how smart you are, how talented you are, how hard you try, you will always be held to different standards, higher and more complicated and conflicting expectations, mixed messages, and lesser rewards. Never, ever outshine the men. And dare to be an iconoclast or not pay allegiance to traditional roles, and you'll pay for it with loneliness and isolation. I'm working as hard as I can to burn through those deeply internalized messages that have come from both strangers and those who should love me the most, but this election result is a hard and triggering hit. Hang in there, love to you all in this community.
64 and same. I had a single incident burned into my memory. First day of school in fourth grade. My mother drove the carpool of kids in her VW Van. The doors on those things were notoriously hard to open and close. We arrived and I hopped up to open and close the door as the kids piled out. My mother SCREAMED at me because I didn't step back to allow the only male passenger to do it. I stopped, and he then struggled for two minutes before I finally stepped back in to close it. I was humiliated, angry, and enlightened about what my life would be like the next six or seven decades. And it's still true.
My job is in environmental restoration and clean energy transitions and I feel dismal today. I have to hope that Congress won't completely ditch every effort currently in place but I feel like my job is even more futile now. And I have to reassure my team they aren't going to lose all their funding and then their jobs when I have no assurance this is the case. I am out of hope this morning.
I am with you as the Executive Director of a small conservation non-profit. The ramifications of this election for our environment are beyond frightening and will impact us all.
Yes, and I fear the amount of protected public lands that will be removed from protection/designation and the amount of public lands that will be sold to private entities. Everything's up for grabs.
Times like these I have to admit some relief at not having my own kids. But I did listen to my 10-year-old nephew fret about climate change when he visited me last summer. He gets it and he has to live with it, unlike a 78-year-old failed businessman.
I'm so glad you had the words, AHP. I did not have the words, so I relied on Dr. King to have them for me. "I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality. I refuse to accept the cynical notion that nation after nation must spiral down a militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant."
Beautiful. I do think once we all get over the shock and the ugliness, killing our neighbors with kindness will throw them off. That and marching in the streets, pressing our elected officials, and using the courts just as the right does to stymie and slow their worst impulses down.
The first step in making a better world is believing it's possible. Reading your work, and the work of so many other thoughtful, empathetic, reasonable, and action-oriented people (most of whom are women) helps me keep believing that, even today. ✊💜
Yes. Absolutely. Also longing for clarity re: next steps after this first. Not meant to be snarky. Focus on local politics... Support organizations like Earthjustice who do court challenges... Reread Timothy Snyder... I am also dismayed to find myself looking for a leader, someONE to follow. How does that fit in?
I just went on a walk with someone I thought was a friend. She really didn't know why I was so upset. She's really confident the institutions will hold. That we'll be okay in our conclave of white richness in Newton MA. She told me that I don't have to worry about my birthright citizenship being revoked.
She's convinced the left is batshit crazy. And when I asked her for something that even remotely compares to the Schedule F plans in project 2025, her response was "Trans women should not be in sports".
The kicker? She's a child of Russian Jews, born in Russia, whose parents had to flee.
People really think that our democracy can withstand anything. It can't.
Okay, so I have a question. Will you stay friends with this person, or will you move on? I ask because I am at a personal loss for how to reach people with such extraordinarily different views than I have.
It's clear that there's a huge divide in this country, and part of me thinks that the solution is keeping folks like your friend close and trying to change their minds a bit at a time. But on the other hand, I am furious and exhausted and frustrated, and mostly I just want to say "fuck it and fuck you" and throw my hands up.
Anyway, I'd love to know where you (and everyone else!) fall on this.
She pinged me to see if I wanted to take a walk, I said yes.
She drove over to my house, got out of the car and gave me a hug.
We started walking and talking. And I don't actually know what I said but she responded "the institutions will hold" and followed it up with "checks and balances".
I should have ended the walk there. But, in my stupidity, I asked the schedule F question. And she responded about trans women in sports.
And after I picked my jaw up off the ground, I asked her if she'd read Project 2025. She said of course she did, but I gotta realize that she was for Haley.
Then she asked me about which parts of Project 2025 were so objectionable. Because she knows I am a subject matter expert in food, I explained to her what's gonna happen when they gut the Animal Welfare Act, the Meat and Poultry Products Inspection Acts and the Food Safety Modernization Act. I explained in great detail how we kill CAFO pigs and chickens in the country...(which I can talk about what's going to go on when he declares his trade war but suffice it to say we won't be able to export meat and a LOT of animals will die and a LOT of farms will go under. But hey, pork will be cheap for about 6 months. Beef for about 12)
It didn't improve from there. And then she had the gall to tell me I wouldn't be deported because...wait for it...I am white.
DONE.
I put up my hands, and said this is bullshit and I am done here.... That all trans kids want to do is just play a sport. That they want to pee in peace. That her privilege is not going to protect her (her question was...what privilege? I mean, she literally has a live in nanny and sends her children to private schools). And I turned around and said this is bullshit and left for back home.
She messaged me after and I told her she is not a safe person.
And so yeah...fuck her. I do not got time in my life for people who are all No Biggie! The courts won't let him do what he says! The people inside will keep a check on him! We survived it once before!
Thank you so much for sharing this. <3 I'm sorry your friend was not really your friend, and I hope that the void she leaves is filled with even better, more loving people.
Wow, that must have been gut-wrenching for you. When the National Weather Service is disbanded and there are NO early warning systems for killer storms and other threats, it might finally be driven home.
The only thing that is gonna drive it home is when the economy collapses. So glad I taught her how to butcher her own food /eyeroll. Cause when the apocalypse hits, I promise you want a veterinarian there!
As a fellow Newton-ite, I am so disappointed to hear this story and also I am here to take a walk with you and not engage in this complete bullshit! My family is privileged. It allows my trans child to live in relative peace. I am so, so grateful, but he is only safe in a very small bubble. And only for the moment. I sadly have no faith that the greater institutions are solid and will protect him or his cisgender sister. I am devastated.
And you can’t be friends with someone you don’t see eye to eye politically with? You can’t even hear different thoughts without losing it? It’s a walk. She was talking. It’s safe to hear.
For whatever reason you were friends, having a different view on things shouldn’t end your friendship. No one sees eye to eye on every issue.
There is a difference between political views and human rights.
You can maintain a friendship with someone who has different political views. E.g. City council announces a budget surplus. Friend thinks the surplus should be spent on a hockey arena. I think the surplus should be used to build more bike lanes. We can debate and disagree about this issue.
Human rights are not morally debatable. A government action that marginalizes/dehumanizes a group of people is not an issue to be debated among friends. E.g. Friend thinks it’s fine if racialized people are deported from the country they were born and raised in, as long as white people can stay in America.
This friend does not sound like she was confusing human rights and political views.
Also, democrats love to say there is one way to think and everything else is racist/ transphobic, etc. having debate about issues is one of those things. We should have debate and speak about things. We should be free to disagree or not. Issues are not black and white, even if we have a tendency to want them to be.
“We should be free to disagree or not.” It sounds like OP did exactly that: disagree with someone. Is the value you are advocating “one should be able to express any opinion and never experience negative social consequences”? Because that seems unlikely and untenable.
If you can imagine a scenario where a friend expressed something to you that was so unkind, immoral, or otherwise antithetical to your values that it would damage your impression of her, then you are not expressing a universal principle, simply disagreeing with OP about where she chose to draw her own boundaries.
If you can’t, and a friend could state *any principles or beliefs* no matter how unethical or illogical, without changing your opinion of them or worrying you about their mental state, then I suppose I’m simply puzzled what values are undergirding the friendship.
I strongly recommend that everyone read Christina Sharpe's essay, "Lose Your Kin" from 2016: https://thenewinquiry.com/lose-your-kin/ . The final paragraphs have stayed with me for years:
“One must be willing to say this is abhorrent. One must be willing to be more than uncomfortable. One must be willing to be on the outside. One must refuse to repair a familial rift on the bodies cast out as not kin.
Slavery is the ghost in the machine of kinship. Kinship relations structure the nation. Capitulation to their current configurations is the continued enfleshment of that ghost.
Refuse reconciliation to ongoing brutality. Refuse to feast on the corpse of others. Rend the fabric of the kinship narrative. Imagine otherwise. Remake the world. Some of us have never had any other choice.”
I cannot understand why anyone thinks institutions and norms will hold. The guardrail people will be gone this time. The generals and staff who pushed back and their like are not going to be selected for those roles, and really shouldn't take them if offered anyway. In 2016, I didn't agree with that argument but I could understand how someone would. Now it's willful ignorance.
A friend's daughter is in college in the mid-west. She called her mom this morning; she told her that as she crossed campus today, there were young men in MAGA hats walking along and catcalling all the women near them. They said that once Trump is president, the young women will have to date/have sex with them, like it or not. The police won't stop them so they better get prepared. Horrifying.
They have grown up seeing what he does, seeing him not really punished for it, and succeeding. Of course they voted for him, for his message, and his future actions. They don't have any idea or seem to care how it affects others.
I admit I was really, really hoping you would post the whole day. But then I admonished myself because how could we expect that labor of you? In these times?! So I was prepared to wait. And you did it anyways. Thank you for always wrapping words around feelings in just the right ways.
But how do we square this narrative with the not insignificant number of white and Latina women who supported Trump? I think we still hate ourselves, tbh
I am a mom to a GenZ daughter, and a GenZ son, and I live in liberal Seattle. The difference in how my kids viewed this election was fascinating. The manosphere has done a good job of finding a home for boys who have grown up seeing a lot of emphasis on girl power. It’s an issue we have to address, even if we know that men still hold the cards, it’s not always their perception.
Yes yes yes- I have three boys and they all have felt there has been preferential treatment of girls at school- it has created a lot of tense moments at the dinner table. Now that they are older they realize why I was so upset with those conversations. Plus being worried about their thinking that Joe Rogan was a standup guy and Elon musk a genius billionaire to be emulated. Luckily that time has passed and they are just as shocked and upset as we are. About this election. Young boys are an easy target. We need to do something about that.
Thankfully my 9 year old son's veneration of Elon seems to be on the wane since learning he supports Trump and he understands Trump is a Very Bad Man. He's too young for Rogan but the YouTuber influence is so strong...
Watch out for Charlie Kirk, he might be too young for him, but he is non YouTube and he is trying to convince boys that college is a scam. I’m hearing his language come out of my son’s mouth. Yes, college isn’t for everyone, but the rationale is hella suspect
I think this is fascinating, honestly. I agree with you--the fact that men have moved right is very concerning, and I understand how they might feel overlooked by the system.
If this isn't too forward of a question, I'm wondering if you could speak a little more to how you're managing this with your son. I don't have kids but would like to be able to be more thoughtful in how I discuss issues with the young men in my life.
It’s hard! I was sobbing last night, and he was honestly bewildered. I have tried to meet him where he is at, offered to discuss his concerns, and provide evidence to counter his Trumpian talking points. It is a hard line to toe, because some do this might be his being a 16 year old trying on ideas, so I don’t want to overindex and declare him part of something he is still trying to understand. But I let him know that I also understand that the messaging around being a straight white male is confusing. Tbh, this is also an area where my husband needs to step up. He models so much of what we hope our kids will absorb, equal housework, respects me, cheered me on while pursuing a PhD, and we are at income parity. But at the same time, at 16, friends are a way more powerful influence than your parents.
This horrifies me. And, I suspect it’s true. We are primed to accept the confines of the patriarchy from birth and many of our sisters remain willingly in the web. Stockholm syndrome at work on the masses.
Agree completely and am also completely baffled by this. Why??? Why the F are there so many women who seem to think that the best choice for women is to hand over their choices to misogynistic men? The number of women I’ve seen on various platforms arguing that T—— is better for women boggles the mind. What the heck is going on there?
Some women, yes, but so many of us have invested in the revolutionary work of loving ourselves, especially in the past 8 years. This feels like the foundation of all other work, the foundation of the fight, and so many of us have come so far in dismantling the systems of oppression inside us.
Yup. And racism plays a big part in the 53% of white women who voted for him, too, whether they want to admit it or not.
I was also disappointed in the number of younger women who voted for him. I expected it more from the Boomer and Gen X generations, but there really wasn't as significant a difference between them and Millennials and Gen Z as I had hoped.
One of the really complicated issues with Latinos as a group, beyond the fact that we’re incredibly ethnically diverse, is that colorism is hard-baked into our cultures. Latinos privilege whiteness (shocker), especially because many Latinos themselves are white. Proximity to whiteness is power, and many Latinos trade on their whiteness and/or hope that being a model minority will give them access to it.
It’s one of the ugliest sides of my culture, but it’s there. I can’t tell you how my family—who are VERY brown—brag about the smidgen of white European blood in our lineage.
Thank you so much for writing this. I especially felt seen by the line "This morning, I woke up the way you wake up after a bad breakup, or a tragedy, or a death. I hadn’t cried, but I felt like I had for hours".
I dunno. As a nation, I think we’re done for, and I’ve never said that before. I really do. Back when T was first elected I was following Seth Abramson on twitter and his thread from last night perfectly encapsulates what will happen. There is nothing that won’t take decades—decades to undo, and by that time big business will be picking the bones.
I'm feeling the same and so deeply scared for my daughters. I feel this intense guilt for bringing them into this world that is so horrible and hates girls and women so much. Envisioning their future...it is scary. We will be dealing with this garbage for generations.
Yes. It is so much worse than I could possibly have imagined. Weren’t we supposed to be on some sort of upswing?? I have a 16 year old daughter. She is highly intelligent, an excellent student. She will have a career. But she is also excited to be a mother someday, and all I can think when she mentions it is that by the time she gets to that stage of her life, she may well decide it’s not a viable option. How sad that that is the world we are building.
I also just can't help but be so. fucking. mad. at the mostly well off white people I see saying things like, "We just need to get through the next four years!" NO. This is going to ruin things for a really long time, and people (like my family) currently experiencing economic distress are going to be pushed into perhaps inescapable levels of poverty, debt, etc. It's not just four years.
I am an American living in Canada. I voted absentee, online, over a month ago. My state of residence allows online absentee voting (for now, I guess). This morning I waited as long as I possibly could to open the news, feeding the cat, watering the cat, cleaning the litterbox, making my coffee... I wanted to live in a world where it was possible the worst had been averted for as long as possible. Then I looked at the NYT and then I cried and then I called my parents, who are devastated and don't recognize the country they thought they knew. And then I had to go to work and hear all my coworkers talk about how crazy this country is. Most of them don't understand that this will materially affect them too, much more than they even know.
I’m Canadian and I think we are way too complacent. Yes, New Brunswick and BC just elected non-Conservative governments, but I think that’s a long way from being able to say the populist tide isn’t still pulling people in here too. I think it’s tempting (maybe a relief) to say “it’s so different in the US” or believe we can see through someone like Trump, but I selfishly hope this jolts people out of complacency. A lot of people I know are reeling today, but they/we need to turn that energy into action, not snark or platitudes.
Couldn't agree more. Almost anything can happen almost anywhere. It might not look exactly the same here as there, but we are not immune to this kind of thing. I pray this shakes Canadians out of their apathy and complacency – we desperately need people to get involved in civic life here instead of only looking south of the border or at foreign affairs. No one seems to be interested in municipal or provincial policy, and our voting rates are dismal.
Same. Also an American living in Canada. I turned off the tv and my phone at 9 MDT last night and didn't turn it on until 9 this morning, after workout, feeding the dogs, coffee, shower. I knew the news was bad by the way my husband was looking at me, but I needed that time to not see it in print. I think the worst part, in this moment, for me is the blindside. I did not think that would happen again, and had allowed myself to feel hope. It hit home how the algorithms truly are an echo chamber because my feeds were ALL "I understand the assignment" and "We are not going back." I am flabbergasted by the number of votes he got. After we all take a moment, please keep us informed about how we mobilize and support, even from Canada. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this safe space.
As a Canadian, I am absolutely devastated and very scared what it means for our country and others. I personally don't underestimate it but I agree many do. We already have a creeping right wing faction here.
The nearly 70% of white women who voted for trump across the country argues that it's not just that America hates women, including some women who can't bring themselves to vote for a woman, but also that white supremacy and the myth of white exceptionalism is alive and well. These white women went to the polls, voted for the own abortion rights in many states, and then voted for Trump - they believe their whiteness will protect them. And as a white woman, this is horrifying. Women are not the activist, revolutionary bloc I would like them to be. Maybe Black women are (only 8% of them voted for Trump). But race is such a powerful predictor here that it cannot be ignored.
Absolutely this.
Adding to this that Ilhan Omar won in a district that Kamala Harris lost. There is a lot more than gender and even race at play here, and we do everyone a disservice if we try to just reduce this to identity politics.
Agree - and also that they don't always operate in predictable ways. I strongly suspect that the people who voted for Ilhan Omar and not Harris are either Stein/Third Party voters or did not cast a vote in the presidential race. There are many progressives who are women and Black or brown women who were not energized by Harris or were actively turned off by her stance on Gaza. The mythical centrist white woman who is going to cross over and vote for a Democrat may not exist (or rarely) and courting their votes may have cost progressive votes.
yes i am so sick of dems trying to peel off 100 suburban white women in pennsylvania or whatever it is in local context versus getting people who are politically disengaged to vote. apparently nothing was learned from 2016.
This is 100% true in rural Texas. The folks who’ve held on to their non-Republican identity out here* are rabidly attached to very specific issues like prison condition reform, policing overhauls (with often a lingering commitment to “law and order” messaging), public school funding, and health care (because our hospitals keep closing and we need Medicare expansion). They don’t connect as much to abortion messaging or even “middle class tax cuts.” But when Beto came and talked with activists, they had to suppress our votes to stop him from winning. I’m so afraid the wrong lessons are going to be learned again.
*im not rural any more but i organized and lived there for a long time
Yes, thank you for this. I think many women were able to vote for an abortion referendum in their state, so that meant they didn't need to support Harris. Sure many Americans are misogynistic and racist, but Democrats under Biden failed to make people's lives "feel different" with their policies and actions as AOC said in an interview in 2020. How people perceived the economy and inflation and their own financial stability really influenced this election.
I don’t understand how Democrats didn’t make people’s lives feel different. I’m flummoxed. Inflation is crucial here but so much of what is broken is down to unchecked capitalism, running our health, education and social needs for profit. Seems to me the Biden admin did all it could to remedy - given the Covid catastrophe it was operating under. This does not address Israel and its US support over Gaza, but domestically it seems so much of what is wrong is what Dems have been trying, and rather successfully, to shore up and fix. Maybe it just appears that way to me an I’m really out of touch. After this election I know I am.
People vastly overestimate what a president can actually change, especially when global factors like Covid are in play. But then they are more than willing to overlook their own guy's failings. I'm curious to see if Trump voters notice the prices increase when tariffs go up and immigrants get kicked out. Then they'll blame someone else, I'm sure.
You're assuming that American voters understand - ideologically and academically - capitalism (and even inflation and how taxes work tbh) as an idea, think that it could be bad, link that to their lived reality AND think that the Dems want to change it and can change it. While more people will suffer due to the results of this election, a lot of people were going to suffer anyway if it went the other way.
I'm not disagreeing with your point but Kamala Harris won with 70% of the vote in Hennepin and Ramsey counties, and narrowly lost (49%) in Anoka county. Counties and districts are not the same thing but District 5 (Omar's) overlaps with these three counties and the presidential race is not reported at the district level anywhere as far as I can find.
Yes. Sorry for oversimplifying. I was viewing the Harris loss in Anoka (and her overall decrease in votes in the state) in comparison with Omar's win.
Makes sense. I think Omar lost in Anoka too but got enough votes in Hennepin/Ramsey that it didn't matter.
This is super niche but I think about this, too. My current district is so gerrymandered I thought it was a mistake the first 2 times I looked. Our blue city “went for Trump” when you look at our enormous district.
???? Harris won in Omar’s district.
Why are you blaming white women? Because it’s easy to blame them? Why are you not blaming white men? Seems very sexist and racist to me. Also not supported by the data.
Look at the numbers. Trump did not win because of white women, he won because he was voted in by all races. He made gains in every group except college educated women.
Trump made big gains among almost every demographic group: Latinos (45 percent went for Trump—a history-making number for a Republican presidential candidate), African Americans (13 percent voted Trump compared to 8 percent in 2020), Asians (39 percent), women (46 percent), the young (46 percent).
The only group Kamala Harris made gains with was white college-educated women and those over 65.
Every single person who voted for Trump bears responsibility for the choice. The reason I think it's so important to highlight the role of white women in electing him is because a common narrative can be this: "Men hate women, this country hates women, but we have been underestimated and we are a strong sisterhood that will fight back against this oppression." Except we're not a sisterhood at all - white women have consistently over many elections voted majority Republican, and that is true again. And Black and brown women have every reason not to trust us to actually act as sisters or vote for what is best for the most vulnerable in our country. Not every white woman, but the majority have chosen time and again to side with white supremacy instead of a mythical feminist block. And that is so disturbing and heartbreaking. Are there other groups that shifted toward Trump? Absolutely, but it is only white men and white women who have voted majority for him. Lastly, as a white woman, it is truly not my place to police the voting of historically exploited and marginalized communities - there is plenty of work to do in my own demographic and I'll use my voice here.
Where is this sisterhood narrative? I didn't see that conversation. Maybe for 10 minutes in the Pussy Hat era. I do see the "white women are the problem" a lot, from all sides. It's going to get us nowhere.
The GOP deftly used this by reminding women they got Karen-ed by the left. We lived through the post-Floyd era, where my social feeds were spontaneously woke white women calling out other white women non-stop. We see how that went.
The cultural narrative that **must** change is that women hate other women. We've been conditioned to compete, divide, zero-sum and, truly, hate ourselves, then express it by turning on each other. (Especially true of Gen X which went Trump the hardest, male and female) Meanwhile, getting so exhausted by everything we can't take more on. That's the game.
There's a vast cultural expanse between the 62% white no-college women + 39% of white college grads who voted for Trump, and still others between the white women of either cadre who voted for Harris.
MAGA and its comrades are exceptional at messaging, media and culture building. The Left had a brief joy bubble with Harris & Walz and got consultant-ed into milquetoast nothing mode yet again.
We will not change our own culture by constantly talking about how much it sucks, how much we suck - no matter how true it is. Marketing 101. It just drifts more people to the MAGA nihilist Frat party. It already did.
Beautifully said. Thank you.
I am a cis woman mom to a 12 year trans daughter. I don't think they hate me--I don't think they care about me. And I don't think they don't hate my daughter--they think she is not worth protecting, expendable, and maybe a little disgusting. They also definitely find her terrifying. She is a gloriously happy lit-from-the-inside kind smart girl. (She just got asked out by a cute 8th grade boy yesterday at school--talk about terrifying!) She's on a puberty blocker and is excited to start female puberty in another 14 months. Republicans spent over 200m dollars on anti trans ads in the last 6 weeks of the campaign, and then they won. I am deeply afraid that the democrats will take this to mean that trans lives are not worth protecting, that my daughter is a a good bargaining chip for other goals the left has and maybe deem more important. Meanwhile for me, I am looking down the barrel of years of hyper vigilance and a series of harrowing decisions: Is it feasible to drive to Canada to get her medicine or do I need to move there with her (and away from my husband and son?)? If there is a federal ban on her using the girls bathroom will private school be enough to protect her? She loves the cross country team, but is it not safe for her to participate in sports (sports, which by the way, her doctors are thrilled she is participating in to protect her bone health)--will her school decide it's not worth protecting her right to play in the face of pressure from other parents? In other words I see a sea of shitty tradeoffs and decisions. And finally, I wonder if its better for her and for us if we just leave. I fought my ASS off for her rights this past year, and she is my daughter so I will keep fighting, but I am also so tired.
I can only imagine how much work you've put in fighting for your daughter — and I know I'm not alone saying that we will keep fighting for her and her rights, too.
Just know you are not alone
The thought of you going through all this to support your daughter warms my heart and gives me hope in a way that nothing has for so long. I don’t know you or your beautiful daughter but I can only wish that more kids like her find the love and support of their families and friends like you and your family have shown, SPECIALLY in dark times like these. Wishing you all the best 🌠
Mom of teen trans son, right there with you, sending love and solidarity.
Cis mom of trans girl here, same exact procession of thoughts, including assuring her we'll go to Canada if we need to in order to get her meds. I'm so heartbroken about the organized campaign by all these despicable adults to ostracize our kids.
From our trans-kids in our family household to yours, all the love and rest to you.
What is making me sick to my stomach is the trickle down effect of this election on daily interpersonal interactions. I think Trump amplifies a lot of our basest instincts (pettiness, selfishness, greed, ego, fearmongering) and because he just won so big, it almosts gives people permission to give into their ugliest impulses instead of choosing compassion, humility, etc.. I definitely felt that during his first term. When Biden was elected, I took that as a sign of people rejecting that what Trump represents. But now I am bracing myself for people to indulge in their worst instincts for at least four more years. Thank you, @Anne, for the description of Trump’s ideology as “vibes-based.” I think that describes his “concepts of a plan” as well.
So much this. I'm horrified at the way T and folks like him (ahem, EM) have been rewarded by the system for choosing petty revenge instead of accountability. It feels like the endorsement of votes have only reinforced this behavior and set the example that this is how you win / get ahead.
yes, i feel like COVID is blamed for a shift in how people act in public settings, but i don't think that's the whole story, especially with how politics had shifted around the same time.
Aside from the actual policy consequences of the 2016 election, this was what I hated most about that era. I hated not feeling comfortable saying what felt like humanistic statements to strangers, for fear that someone would show their true colors, and we'd automatically write each other off as "not our kind". I want to know my neighbors and coworkers - and to hold them accountable when their opinions and actions are harmful. But that doesn't always feel safe.
Yes, America still hates women. Yes. It sickens me.
AND ALSO, more than ever, it hates trans people and Black and Brown people. That, to me, is even scarier.
I say this not to engage in an oppression Olympics; that's useful to exactly zero people. I say this to remind us of all who is at stake here, and selfishly, because I am, too.
I keep thinking about the parenting advice that's widespread right now, to tell your kids that no matter what happens, parents will. keep their kids safe. And I think a lot of bourgeois white parents of cis-gendered kids can say that knowing it's true. But I don't think it's true for those who don't have whiteness and cis-genderness to insulate them from the worst ramifications. Those of us who are relatively insulated must do absolutely everything we can do protect those who are not.
Even as a straight cis white woman I didn't feel like I could promise that to my daughter this morning, so instead I told her, "We're going to take care of each other. People who care will always be here and we will work really hard to take care of each other." I didn't feel like I could say anything else to her without lying.
This. I felt the same way. I already don’t feel like I can keep my daughter safe in a land that thinks guns are toys and women are expendable. How could I possibly promise to keep her safe when I can’t keep myself safe?
Also, living in CA, I’m frustrated that I hear ppl say, At least we live in CA. My city just voted in white Christian right wing candidates who will now “control” the board, and I already knew my kids would live in a country where the rights they have will vary from place to place, state to state. I am tired and scared. And still ready to fight. Today, I rest.
This. I grew up in Ohio and now live in CA. The amount of people who grew up here who blindly believe that all of CA is liberal or even progressive is astounding to me. Over 3 million Californians voted for trump. We have a role to play in this fight too.
Yes to this. The town south of the one I live in on 101 had masked klan-adjacent white supremacists demonstrating on the overpass. Generally, it's a progressive space, specifically, the strain of conservatism is intractable, bold, and threatens violence.
I see the parents in groups for parents of trans kids being absolutely devastated. As a trans adult (not even from the US) I don't really have an answer for them. The best I have to offer is "we have our community, we have always survived, we are strong", but you probably need to let your child feel their feelings first.
The world is incredibly scary.
100%. As well-intentioned as that advice is, it is ultimately rooted in privilege. I'd say the same for wealthy parents of marginalized children. Both identity and wealth are indescribable boons at this time.
My son is trans and is a senior in high school. He is suddenly wondering if he needs to add a bunch of international schools to his college list (after already rejecting a number of schools that serve his academic interests well because they are in very red states). And he is one of the very, very lucky ones, growing up in an open, accepting family in a liberal Massachusetts town and attending a surprisingly progressive private school that intentionally values inclusivity and has provided him with a wonderful community of supporters who accept and value him exactly as he is. I can only imagine the terror of trans kids who are not so fortunate (most of them). Why gender diversity has become such a lightning rod for hate and divisiveness is beyond me. It literally affects no one other than the individual living with it. I guess all I can hope for is that JD Vance is right and my kid gets into his reach colleges just because of his pronouns! Ugh. God help us all.
Amen to this.
They THINK they can say it and know it's true. Whether it's Trump or tornados, my mantra has always been, "Whatever happens, we will figure it out. We can handle it." That I can promise.
I'm not saying that this is all the same hate, but all of that overlaps pretty significantly. What is it that we call physical symptoms that appear together, that may not have the same root cause, but that pop up enough that they're usually studied together? Co-something? Anyway, that's what these hates are.
co-morbidities?
Yes, comorbidity :)
YES, thank you! I literally could not think of it.
It hates queer people in general. I am also very afraid for my US gay, lesbian, bi, pan, asexual and otherwise queer friends.
A powerful and moving essay of solidarity, thank you Anne Helen. I'm 67 (if you think America hates women, wait 'til you're an old woman) and I think since I was about six years old I've gotten one very consistent message: It doesn't matter how smart you are, how talented you are, how hard you try, you will always be held to different standards, higher and more complicated and conflicting expectations, mixed messages, and lesser rewards. Never, ever outshine the men. And dare to be an iconoclast or not pay allegiance to traditional roles, and you'll pay for it with loneliness and isolation. I'm working as hard as I can to burn through those deeply internalized messages that have come from both strangers and those who should love me the most, but this election result is a hard and triggering hit. Hang in there, love to you all in this community.
64 and same. I had a single incident burned into my memory. First day of school in fourth grade. My mother drove the carpool of kids in her VW Van. The doors on those things were notoriously hard to open and close. We arrived and I hopped up to open and close the door as the kids piled out. My mother SCREAMED at me because I didn't step back to allow the only male passenger to do it. I stopped, and he then struggled for two minutes before I finally stepped back in to close it. I was humiliated, angry, and enlightened about what my life would be like the next six or seven decades. And it's still true.
I’m 68: same
I'm worried about the environmental degradation that will prob happen in the next four years.
My job is in environmental restoration and clean energy transitions and I feel dismal today. I have to hope that Congress won't completely ditch every effort currently in place but I feel like my job is even more futile now. And I have to reassure my team they aren't going to lose all their funding and then their jobs when I have no assurance this is the case. I am out of hope this morning.
I am with you as the Executive Director of a small conservation non-profit. The ramifications of this election for our environment are beyond frightening and will impact us all.
Thank you. I know my colleagues and I made it through 2016-2020, but I fear they may be more effective this time.
Thank you for everything you have done and will do. <3 I know that's slim solace, but I'm grateful for you and your team.
Thank you. It is a tiny drop in the bucket but it's something.
So grateful for your work, so heartbroken about this
Thank you. I guess we have to just keep trying.
Yes, and I fear the amount of protected public lands that will be removed from protection/designation and the amount of public lands that will be sold to private entities. Everything's up for grabs.
I worry we won't have a humanity-sustaining planet in four years' time.
I worry that my 18- and 13-year old sons won’t have a liveable planet for their adult lives.
Times like these I have to admit some relief at not having my own kids. But I did listen to my 10-year-old nephew fret about climate change when he visited me last summer. He gets it and he has to live with it, unlike a 78-year-old failed businessman.
I'm so glad you had the words, AHP. I did not have the words, so I relied on Dr. King to have them for me. "I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality. I refuse to accept the cynical notion that nation after nation must spiral down a militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant."
https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1964/king/acceptance-speech/
Beautiful. I do think once we all get over the shock and the ugliness, killing our neighbors with kindness will throw them off. That and marching in the streets, pressing our elected officials, and using the courts just as the right does to stymie and slow their worst impulses down.
The first step in making a better world is believing it's possible. Reading your work, and the work of so many other thoughtful, empathetic, reasonable, and action-oriented people (most of whom are women) helps me keep believing that, even today. ✊💜
Yes. Absolutely. Also longing for clarity re: next steps after this first. Not meant to be snarky. Focus on local politics... Support organizations like Earthjustice who do court challenges... Reread Timothy Snyder... I am also dismayed to find myself looking for a leader, someONE to follow. How does that fit in?
I just went on a walk with someone I thought was a friend. She really didn't know why I was so upset. She's really confident the institutions will hold. That we'll be okay in our conclave of white richness in Newton MA. She told me that I don't have to worry about my birthright citizenship being revoked.
She's convinced the left is batshit crazy. And when I asked her for something that even remotely compares to the Schedule F plans in project 2025, her response was "Trans women should not be in sports".
The kicker? She's a child of Russian Jews, born in Russia, whose parents had to flee.
People really think that our democracy can withstand anything. It can't.
Okay, so I have a question. Will you stay friends with this person, or will you move on? I ask because I am at a personal loss for how to reach people with such extraordinarily different views than I have.
It's clear that there's a huge divide in this country, and part of me thinks that the solution is keeping folks like your friend close and trying to change their minds a bit at a time. But on the other hand, I am furious and exhausted and frustrated, and mostly I just want to say "fuck it and fuck you" and throw my hands up.
Anyway, I'd love to know where you (and everyone else!) fall on this.
Here's how this went down:
She pinged me to see if I wanted to take a walk, I said yes.
She drove over to my house, got out of the car and gave me a hug.
We started walking and talking. And I don't actually know what I said but she responded "the institutions will hold" and followed it up with "checks and balances".
I should have ended the walk there. But, in my stupidity, I asked the schedule F question. And she responded about trans women in sports.
And after I picked my jaw up off the ground, I asked her if she'd read Project 2025. She said of course she did, but I gotta realize that she was for Haley.
Then she asked me about which parts of Project 2025 were so objectionable. Because she knows I am a subject matter expert in food, I explained to her what's gonna happen when they gut the Animal Welfare Act, the Meat and Poultry Products Inspection Acts and the Food Safety Modernization Act. I explained in great detail how we kill CAFO pigs and chickens in the country...(which I can talk about what's going to go on when he declares his trade war but suffice it to say we won't be able to export meat and a LOT of animals will die and a LOT of farms will go under. But hey, pork will be cheap for about 6 months. Beef for about 12)
It didn't improve from there. And then she had the gall to tell me I wouldn't be deported because...wait for it...I am white.
DONE.
I put up my hands, and said this is bullshit and I am done here.... That all trans kids want to do is just play a sport. That they want to pee in peace. That her privilege is not going to protect her (her question was...what privilege? I mean, she literally has a live in nanny and sends her children to private schools). And I turned around and said this is bullshit and left for back home.
She messaged me after and I told her she is not a safe person.
And so yeah...fuck her. I do not got time in my life for people who are all No Biggie! The courts won't let him do what he says! The people inside will keep a check on him! We survived it once before!
FUCK THAT NOISE
Thank you so much for sharing this. <3 I'm sorry your friend was not really your friend, and I hope that the void she leaves is filled with even better, more loving people.
Wow, that must have been gut-wrenching for you. When the National Weather Service is disbanded and there are NO early warning systems for killer storms and other threats, it might finally be driven home.
The only thing that is gonna drive it home is when the economy collapses. So glad I taught her how to butcher her own food /eyeroll. Cause when the apocalypse hits, I promise you want a veterinarian there!
As a fellow Newton-ite, I am so disappointed to hear this story and also I am here to take a walk with you and not engage in this complete bullshit! My family is privileged. It allows my trans child to live in relative peace. I am so, so grateful, but he is only safe in a very small bubble. And only for the moment. I sadly have no faith that the greater institutions are solid and will protect him or his cisgender sister. I am devastated.
And you can’t be friends with someone you don’t see eye to eye politically with? You can’t even hear different thoughts without losing it? It’s a walk. She was talking. It’s safe to hear.
For whatever reason you were friends, having a different view on things shouldn’t end your friendship. No one sees eye to eye on every issue.
There is a difference between political views and human rights.
You can maintain a friendship with someone who has different political views. E.g. City council announces a budget surplus. Friend thinks the surplus should be spent on a hockey arena. I think the surplus should be used to build more bike lanes. We can debate and disagree about this issue.
Human rights are not morally debatable. A government action that marginalizes/dehumanizes a group of people is not an issue to be debated among friends. E.g. Friend thinks it’s fine if racialized people are deported from the country they were born and raised in, as long as white people can stay in America.
This friend does not sound like she was confusing human rights and political views.
Also, democrats love to say there is one way to think and everything else is racist/ transphobic, etc. having debate about issues is one of those things. We should have debate and speak about things. We should be free to disagree or not. Issues are not black and white, even if we have a tendency to want them to be.
“We should be free to disagree or not.” It sounds like OP did exactly that: disagree with someone. Is the value you are advocating “one should be able to express any opinion and never experience negative social consequences”? Because that seems unlikely and untenable.
If you can imagine a scenario where a friend expressed something to you that was so unkind, immoral, or otherwise antithetical to your values that it would damage your impression of her, then you are not expressing a universal principle, simply disagreeing with OP about where she chose to draw her own boundaries.
If you can’t, and a friend could state *any principles or beliefs* no matter how unethical or illogical, without changing your opinion of them or worrying you about their mental state, then I suppose I’m simply puzzled what values are undergirding the friendship.
If nothing else, we should be allowed to demand back people’s “Ally” and safety pins.
I’m on Team Move On.
I strongly recommend that everyone read Christina Sharpe's essay, "Lose Your Kin" from 2016: https://thenewinquiry.com/lose-your-kin/ . The final paragraphs have stayed with me for years:
“One must be willing to say this is abhorrent. One must be willing to be more than uncomfortable. One must be willing to be on the outside. One must refuse to repair a familial rift on the bodies cast out as not kin.
Slavery is the ghost in the machine of kinship. Kinship relations structure the nation. Capitulation to their current configurations is the continued enfleshment of that ghost.
Refuse reconciliation to ongoing brutality. Refuse to feast on the corpse of others. Rend the fabric of the kinship narrative. Imagine otherwise. Remake the world. Some of us have never had any other choice.”
I cannot understand why anyone thinks institutions and norms will hold. The guardrail people will be gone this time. The generals and staff who pushed back and their like are not going to be selected for those roles, and really shouldn't take them if offered anyway. In 2016, I didn't agree with that argument but I could understand how someone would. Now it's willful ignorance.
A friend's daughter is in college in the mid-west. She called her mom this morning; she told her that as she crossed campus today, there were young men in MAGA hats walking along and catcalling all the women near them. They said that once Trump is president, the young women will have to date/have sex with them, like it or not. The police won't stop them so they better get prepared. Horrifying.
I almost threw up when I read that. I'm so sorry for your friend's daughter. That's beyond deplorable. It is horrific.
This is truly horrific. Of all the things I've read so far today, this is the one that's sticking with me.
They have grown up seeing what he does, seeing him not really punished for it, and succeeding. Of course they voted for him, for his message, and his future actions. They don't have any idea or seem to care how it affects others.
I admit I was really, really hoping you would post the whole day. But then I admonished myself because how could we expect that labor of you? In these times?! So I was prepared to wait. And you did it anyways. Thank you for always wrapping words around feelings in just the right ways.
I was similarly selfish--eager to read AHP's words and for us to all have a place to process this. Where am I supposed to go now? X? Yeah, right.
But how do we square this narrative with the not insignificant number of white and Latina women who supported Trump? I think we still hate ourselves, tbh
I think many, many women think we should be subjugated.
I am a mom to a GenZ daughter, and a GenZ son, and I live in liberal Seattle. The difference in how my kids viewed this election was fascinating. The manosphere has done a good job of finding a home for boys who have grown up seeing a lot of emphasis on girl power. It’s an issue we have to address, even if we know that men still hold the cards, it’s not always their perception.
Yes yes yes- I have three boys and they all have felt there has been preferential treatment of girls at school- it has created a lot of tense moments at the dinner table. Now that they are older they realize why I was so upset with those conversations. Plus being worried about their thinking that Joe Rogan was a standup guy and Elon musk a genius billionaire to be emulated. Luckily that time has passed and they are just as shocked and upset as we are. About this election. Young boys are an easy target. We need to do something about that.
Thankfully my 9 year old son's veneration of Elon seems to be on the wane since learning he supports Trump and he understands Trump is a Very Bad Man. He's too young for Rogan but the YouTuber influence is so strong...
Watch out for Charlie Kirk, he might be too young for him, but he is non YouTube and he is trying to convince boys that college is a scam. I’m hearing his language come out of my son’s mouth. Yes, college isn’t for everyone, but the rationale is hella suspect
I think this is fascinating, honestly. I agree with you--the fact that men have moved right is very concerning, and I understand how they might feel overlooked by the system.
If this isn't too forward of a question, I'm wondering if you could speak a little more to how you're managing this with your son. I don't have kids but would like to be able to be more thoughtful in how I discuss issues with the young men in my life.
It’s hard! I was sobbing last night, and he was honestly bewildered. I have tried to meet him where he is at, offered to discuss his concerns, and provide evidence to counter his Trumpian talking points. It is a hard line to toe, because some do this might be his being a 16 year old trying on ideas, so I don’t want to overindex and declare him part of something he is still trying to understand. But I let him know that I also understand that the messaging around being a straight white male is confusing. Tbh, this is also an area where my husband needs to step up. He models so much of what we hope our kids will absorb, equal housework, respects me, cheered me on while pursuing a PhD, and we are at income parity. But at the same time, at 16, friends are a way more powerful influence than your parents.
If it's any comfort, my son was at a similar place at 16. He's still not exactly where I would hope, but at 26 in a much different place.
Maybe we have to start a new movement making them aware they are being manipulated and politically groomed.
Can’t edit typos *some of this might be his being 16
This horrifies me. And, I suspect it’s true. We are primed to accept the confines of the patriarchy from birth and many of our sisters remain willingly in the web. Stockholm syndrome at work on the masses.
Agree completely and am also completely baffled by this. Why??? Why the F are there so many women who seem to think that the best choice for women is to hand over their choices to misogynistic men? The number of women I’ve seen on various platforms arguing that T—— is better for women boggles the mind. What the heck is going on there?
Some women, yes, but so many of us have invested in the revolutionary work of loving ourselves, especially in the past 8 years. This feels like the foundation of all other work, the foundation of the fight, and so many of us have come so far in dismantling the systems of oppression inside us.
Hard not to when it's so baked into our culture, not to mention the religious systems so many of those women live within.
thats why we have been talking about ballerinafarm so much!!!!
Yup. And racism plays a big part in the 53% of white women who voted for him, too, whether they want to admit it or not.
I was also disappointed in the number of younger women who voted for him. I expected it more from the Boomer and Gen X generations, but there really wasn't as significant a difference between them and Millennials and Gen Z as I had hoped.
One of the really complicated issues with Latinos as a group, beyond the fact that we’re incredibly ethnically diverse, is that colorism is hard-baked into our cultures. Latinos privilege whiteness (shocker), especially because many Latinos themselves are white. Proximity to whiteness is power, and many Latinos trade on their whiteness and/or hope that being a model minority will give them access to it.
It’s one of the ugliest sides of my culture, but it’s there. I can’t tell you how my family—who are VERY brown—brag about the smidgen of white European blood in our lineage.
I agree; we are a nation of self-hating women.
Thank you so much for writing this. I especially felt seen by the line "This morning, I woke up the way you wake up after a bad breakup, or a tragedy, or a death. I hadn’t cried, but I felt like I had for hours".
I dunno. As a nation, I think we’re done for, and I’ve never said that before. I really do. Back when T was first elected I was following Seth Abramson on twitter and his thread from last night perfectly encapsulates what will happen. There is nothing that won’t take decades—decades to undo, and by that time big business will be picking the bones.
I'm feeling the same and so deeply scared for my daughters. I feel this intense guilt for bringing them into this world that is so horrible and hates girls and women so much. Envisioning their future...it is scary. We will be dealing with this garbage for generations.
Yes. It is so much worse than I could possibly have imagined. Weren’t we supposed to be on some sort of upswing?? I have a 16 year old daughter. She is highly intelligent, an excellent student. She will have a career. But she is also excited to be a mother someday, and all I can think when she mentions it is that by the time she gets to that stage of her life, she may well decide it’s not a viable option. How sad that that is the world we are building.
I also just can't help but be so. fucking. mad. at the mostly well off white people I see saying things like, "We just need to get through the next four years!" NO. This is going to ruin things for a really long time, and people (like my family) currently experiencing economic distress are going to be pushed into perhaps inescapable levels of poverty, debt, etc. It's not just four years.
I am an American living in Canada. I voted absentee, online, over a month ago. My state of residence allows online absentee voting (for now, I guess). This morning I waited as long as I possibly could to open the news, feeding the cat, watering the cat, cleaning the litterbox, making my coffee... I wanted to live in a world where it was possible the worst had been averted for as long as possible. Then I looked at the NYT and then I cried and then I called my parents, who are devastated and don't recognize the country they thought they knew. And then I had to go to work and hear all my coworkers talk about how crazy this country is. Most of them don't understand that this will materially affect them too, much more than they even know.
I’m Canadian and I think we are way too complacent. Yes, New Brunswick and BC just elected non-Conservative governments, but I think that’s a long way from being able to say the populist tide isn’t still pulling people in here too. I think it’s tempting (maybe a relief) to say “it’s so different in the US” or believe we can see through someone like Trump, but I selfishly hope this jolts people out of complacency. A lot of people I know are reeling today, but they/we need to turn that energy into action, not snark or platitudes.
Couldn't agree more. Almost anything can happen almost anywhere. It might not look exactly the same here as there, but we are not immune to this kind of thing. I pray this shakes Canadians out of their apathy and complacency – we desperately need people to get involved in civic life here instead of only looking south of the border or at foreign affairs. No one seems to be interested in municipal or provincial policy, and our voting rates are dismal.
Ohh, this is really upsetting. As an American, I am so guilty of romanticizing Canada. It's easy to forget we are all fallible humans!!
Same. Also an American living in Canada. I turned off the tv and my phone at 9 MDT last night and didn't turn it on until 9 this morning, after workout, feeding the dogs, coffee, shower. I knew the news was bad by the way my husband was looking at me, but I needed that time to not see it in print. I think the worst part, in this moment, for me is the blindside. I did not think that would happen again, and had allowed myself to feel hope. It hit home how the algorithms truly are an echo chamber because my feeds were ALL "I understand the assignment" and "We are not going back." I am flabbergasted by the number of votes he got. After we all take a moment, please keep us informed about how we mobilize and support, even from Canada. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this safe space.
As a Canadian, I am absolutely devastated and very scared what it means for our country and others. I personally don't underestimate it but I agree many do. We already have a creeping right wing faction here.