This is the Sunday edition of Culture Study — the newsletter from Anne Helen Petersen, which you can read about here. If you like it and want more like it in your inbox, consider subscribing. Earlier this week, I did something called an FTP Test. It’s basically a way of maxing yourself out (in this case, on a Peloton bike) for twenty minutes to figure out your “functional threshold power,” which can then be divided into seven zones, which makes it easier to train. Zone 1 is easy, recovery; Zone 2 is the pace you would keep if you needed to bike
That Sunday scaries piece is essential reading and I'm sharing it all over the place. It describes what happens when people have little or no agency over pursuit of right livelihood for decades on end. You can have a job that suits your talents, but your time and even your right to occupy a space of your choosing is still profoundly not your own. It's your company's.
Viktor Frankl points out in Man's Search for Meaning that a complete lack of tension or focus is actually bad for people: it was the people who felt they had something to live for, no matter what it was, who typically kept going despite extreme adversity. Too often, workers in capitalist society become so used to having The Job be their focus uber alles that without The Job they don't know what to do with themselves. And so, many older men, in particular, die in their first year or so of retirement.
I'm still grappling with this as a somewhat retired person. I most likely have a couple of months of contract work coming up, which is fine because I can use the extra cash. Sadly, I feel an odd relief that several hours of each day will be hoovered up again. And I regret that I have such a hard time finding meaning in my days that I welcome paid work again.
It's been a turbulent year. I struggled with 2020 as much as everyone else: unemployment, lockdown, depression. Though I'm luckier than most to have landed on my feet again, I am just so, so tired. We deserve this hard earned respite.
This made me a bit weepy after feeling like I haven’t been enough - doing enough, exercising enough, working enough - this week. I audibly sighed a sigh of relief when I read the subject line. Thank you for the reminder. 🙏
I know I am beloved and worthy of rest but being able to take said rest is another story. Almost four years ago, I had a mental breakdown and ended up in an inpatient program for depression. My employer fired me while I was there via email, citing "performance issues". I cried my eyes out at the hospital while my social worker and my favorite nurse told me that I wasn't the first person they'd seen this happen to, nor would I be the last. I later asked said employer to detail my "performance issues" and surprisingly they told me that my performance issue was the fact that I took leave at all, which was a perfectly legal reason to let me go - they checked with their attorneys and that because I had only been at the company for 8 months I didn't qualify for FMLA.
I changed jobs during the pandemic and have a running countdown to my one year anniversary when I will qualify for FMLA (six months and eight days away!) but what does that ultimately mean? It's not like I can show up to work on June 29 and say I'm going to the hospital. Sure, they won't be able to fire me because of my leave, but they can just find another reason to fire me. You showed up to work two minutes late one day so we're going to have to let you go...too bad there was a car accident, you should have left 30 minutes early and used the Waze app to avoid it!
Until our society-at-large believes that we are beloved and worthy of rest, there is no rest for the weary.
A freelancer's network I get emails from hosted an event this week about disconnecting for the holidays, including how to tell your clients you're taking the time off (setting up automated messages and things like that). Although I was already planning to take the week between Christmas and NYE off, I hadn't thought of formalizing it with out-of-office messages, but now I'm going to. All of which is to say, I think the more we broadcast we're taking time off for the holidays, the more others will feel "permission" to as well, so thank you!
This newsletter has been such a bright spot for me this year - new ideas, new books and articles to read, lovely community of readers. Thank you for everything you do! You are beloved and worthy of rest, too. <3
This is such a beautiful reminder to step back and breathe. I recently started studying the science of exercise and would love to talk to you about it.
Wow. That "just trust me" article was something else. I feel very insulated from that...belief system. I guess it's important to know what The Other America is thinking.
That Sunday scaries piece is essential reading and I'm sharing it all over the place. It describes what happens when people have little or no agency over pursuit of right livelihood for decades on end. You can have a job that suits your talents, but your time and even your right to occupy a space of your choosing is still profoundly not your own. It's your company's.
Viktor Frankl points out in Man's Search for Meaning that a complete lack of tension or focus is actually bad for people: it was the people who felt they had something to live for, no matter what it was, who typically kept going despite extreme adversity. Too often, workers in capitalist society become so used to having The Job be their focus uber alles that without The Job they don't know what to do with themselves. And so, many older men, in particular, die in their first year or so of retirement.
I'm still grappling with this as a somewhat retired person. I most likely have a couple of months of contract work coming up, which is fine because I can use the extra cash. Sadly, I feel an odd relief that several hours of each day will be hoovered up again. And I regret that I have such a hard time finding meaning in my days that I welcome paid work again.
It's been a turbulent year. I struggled with 2020 as much as everyone else: unemployment, lockdown, depression. Though I'm luckier than most to have landed on my feet again, I am just so, so tired. We deserve this hard earned respite.
Thank you for writing. Here's to a brighter 2021.
This made me a bit weepy after feeling like I haven’t been enough - doing enough, exercising enough, working enough - this week. I audibly sighed a sigh of relief when I read the subject line. Thank you for the reminder. 🙏
I'm so glad you're able to take a break.
I know I am beloved and worthy of rest but being able to take said rest is another story. Almost four years ago, I had a mental breakdown and ended up in an inpatient program for depression. My employer fired me while I was there via email, citing "performance issues". I cried my eyes out at the hospital while my social worker and my favorite nurse told me that I wasn't the first person they'd seen this happen to, nor would I be the last. I later asked said employer to detail my "performance issues" and surprisingly they told me that my performance issue was the fact that I took leave at all, which was a perfectly legal reason to let me go - they checked with their attorneys and that because I had only been at the company for 8 months I didn't qualify for FMLA.
I changed jobs during the pandemic and have a running countdown to my one year anniversary when I will qualify for FMLA (six months and eight days away!) but what does that ultimately mean? It's not like I can show up to work on June 29 and say I'm going to the hospital. Sure, they won't be able to fire me because of my leave, but they can just find another reason to fire me. You showed up to work two minutes late one day so we're going to have to let you go...too bad there was a car accident, you should have left 30 minutes early and used the Waze app to avoid it!
Until our society-at-large believes that we are beloved and worthy of rest, there is no rest for the weary.
How many times have I tapped “running on fumes except there aren’t any fumes left” in response to friends’ “how are you doing?” texts? Thank you 🙏
A freelancer's network I get emails from hosted an event this week about disconnecting for the holidays, including how to tell your clients you're taking the time off (setting up automated messages and things like that). Although I was already planning to take the week between Christmas and NYE off, I hadn't thought of formalizing it with out-of-office messages, but now I'm going to. All of which is to say, I think the more we broadcast we're taking time off for the holidays, the more others will feel "permission" to as well, so thank you!
Anne. This Means so much to me. I am Empty beyond words
This newsletter has been such a bright spot for me this year - new ideas, new books and articles to read, lovely community of readers. Thank you for everything you do! You are beloved and worthy of rest, too. <3
This is such a beautiful reminder to step back and breathe. I recently started studying the science of exercise and would love to talk to you about it.
Wow. That "just trust me" article was something else. I feel very insulated from that...belief system. I guess it's important to know what The Other America is thinking.
im so happy you're taking a break. Thanks for creating this little space for nerds to unite and read quality pieces.
also, thanks for the just trust me. I DID AND IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT.
I love your newsletter. I forgot to read it for weeks and now Im glad I just did again. :)
Thanks for this, I needed to tell myself to rest.