I am definitely in the camp of never having been at all interested in a Taylor Swift relationship and being surprised by my interest in this one. Which is not super high but it does exist. So, having read this extremely fascinating piece on it, here's what occurred to me about what I'm seeing. One is that Kelce is so willing to enact the giddiness of the beginning of a relationship in a way that we don't usually see big football dudes do. And if you read romance novels, that is very much an end-of-romance thing -- the big guy so consumed by love that he for the first time drops his kind of masculine withholdingness and allows himself to be vulnerable and joyful. (I have no idea how Kelce has been in previous relationships; just talking here about how his current performance of this relationship fits into the general image of the big football dude.) So he's kind of offering the beginning and the end simultaneously. Additionally, also thinking romances, Kelce is at a classic romance hero place in his life: he's a football player trying to figure out what comes next. He's been successful but the thing he's dedicated his life to is going to stop being an option, so it's a kind of moment of possibility but also a moment he needs to figure out a new set of things to structure his life around. (I mean, Susan Elizabeth Phillips had a whole set of books about football players at more or less this moment in their careers. And I feel like there are other books by other authors with those characters.) Anyway, yeah, I did not expect to be spending this much time thinking about a Taylor Swift relationship.
But you're right, there's so much about all of this that is structured like a romance novel, in a way that is maximized for female enjoyment that we so seldom get to see in real life - the big football dude who is *also* unashamedly sold out for his pop star who is metaphorically bigger than he is. What a time to be alive!
Totally yes, this is an SEP novel come to life. She even revived (I think there was a break between novels?) the Chicago Stars series recently and there's one about a backup quarterback and a world-famous mezzo soprano.
I was just coming to repeat what I'd said in DMs, which was that I think a lot of the fascination comes from how they are acting out romance novel tropes in a very literal way. Especially with the resurgence of the modern romance genre and the huge shift of romance novels into the mainstream (particularly since the pandemic started), SO many people are very deeply aware of the beats of those books, and seeing one "come to life" makes them giddy in a similar, more intense way. Perhaps there's also an element of "wait, those books can actually come true?" that is making people rethink what they expect or want in their own lives. I'm not saying I think TS/TK are some sort of fated One True Love Meant To Be couple; maybe they are and maybe they aren't! They seem very happy and they're adults at an age where you are often pretty clear on what works for you in a relationship. But I think the optics give that Happily Ever After feeling (in a calculated (non-derogatory!) way) and it's scratching an itch for lots of people.
Oh, I’ve been waiting for somewhere to discuss this. I have a 16 year old bona fide Swiftie, so we talk about this a lot. Plus, my husband is a longtime Chiefs fan and has passed that to our 14 year old son, so this feels like something that all my family can relate to (spoiler: they can’t). I appreciate AHP’s analysis of the narrative around Taylor, but I feel like my interest is much more face value: Taylor has been really transparent about all her relationships, so it feels like we know the stories and her pain, etc. And I was thinking about this the other night and it occurred to me that my delight, and I assume others’, as well, is about how here’s this incredibly successful in his field man, handsome, well-liked, etc, and he is crazy about this incredibly successful woman and is proud and supportive of the work that it takes to be as successful as she is. He supports her! He admires her for her work and talent and expresses that! I feel like that’s something that’s largely absent from a lot of the way successful men discuss the women in their lives; so often the things they say are focused on how the woman supports them, what she does for them as a partner. And here’s Travis, just like gobsmacked that he landed this woman whose success eclipses his exponentially and he’s into it. The only other male celebrity I can think of who’s similar is George Clooney, and I also really love seeing his awe and uxoriousness towards his wife whose contributions are literally saving lives.
If anyone thinking about how men CAN be in awe of their partners (and a perpetual awareness of how lucky they are to be with them) hasn't read Calvin Trillin's writing about his wife Alice, my brother and I have been discussing it for literally decades. Look up "Alice, On and Off The Page" (2006) for a perfect taste. A few quotes if you'll indulge me:
"Yet I got a lot of letters like the one from a young woman in New York who wrote that she
sometimes looked at her boyfriend and thought, 'But will he love me like Calvin loves Alice?'"
Writing about a condolence letter after Alice's death that got their whole vibe:
"'I always thought of you as a wonderful guy, but still I couldn't figure out how you managed to get Alice. Harris once told me it was just dumb luck.' When I read that, I burst out laughing. Harris had nailed it again."
About Dick Francis saying he probably wouldn't keep writing after his wife died:
"But I read his reluctance to write novels without her another way. As I understood what he was saying, she was the one he'd been trying to impress.
I showed Alice everything I wrote in rough draft--partly because I valued her opinion but partly because I hoped to impress her. If the piece was meant to be funny, the sound of laughter from the next room was a great reward. When I wrote in the dedication of a book 'For Alice' I meant it literally."
Are we afraid he's just a wife guy in training though? And don't all wife guys eventually disappoint us/flame out?
Last night I gave in to two straights hours of TikToks of the Kelces on their podcast. And they're charming! And sweet! And funny! And then this morning, I was reminded by a colleague of all the ways Travis has been not awesome in the past. And maybe Jason is good, but is the bar just too low for men/husbands?
Or maybe every guy is great in the beginning, going back to the start of the post...
Relatedly (maybe????) I just realized the (only?) thing drawing me into their story is … their ages/life stages. What a weird comment, I know. But I feel like I’m looking at where they are with recognition and a little bit of near-proximity jealousy and an overall urge to root for them to make the most of this moment. As a total non-swiftie I’m finding a weird pleasure in seeing Taylor’s public persona now because she seems *comfortable* as well as commanding. A tiny part of me feels like this only possible in your early 30s, when you gain poise and lose fucks but have not quite had to reckon with the societal toll of “aging” as a woman. (I’m 41 now and grappling with the feeling that a switch was flipped sometime between 36 and 37, or maybe 37 and 38). I am not describing myself as “old.” I am describing how I felt constantly up-and-coming and then overnight I felt worried about being too old to hire in my field; where was the peak? How long do you get to be the “right” age for public success? So when I watch Taylor at a powerful peak, this moment of commanding attention across generations, it feels ephemeral to me. I wonder how she’ll navigate it and how ruthlessly-age-obsessed Gen Z will handle it too. I really want to see how Taylor and her fans will REALLY navigate her next literal era and this is kind of the deep breath before that happens; if I’m honest that’s the main source of fantasy I find in it. At any rate … I’m rooting for her to transcend again, at least as a public figure, because I kind of want to know that’s possible.
(Sorry, I’m sure this doesn’t actually seem related to the comment I replied to, but it came from thinking about their appearance of absolute peak success and wholeness as people, plus the comment above about Kelce’s imminent life transition hovering in the wings when he retires from football. There’s going to be one for her too.)
i think alexis ohanian is another example of this -- he is truly in awe of serena (as he should be), and is openly and publicly supportive of her, in every outcome of her matches.
Especially since it seems among mostly men and especially “jocks” it had become acceptable to basically hate on Taylor, probably because her success on her tour among women made them feel threatened (this was before Travis). I have seen so many unflattering clips of her making the rounds as well as jokes about swifties all summer. And to have one of their “own”, a football player no less lean into her tour and wanting to date her and profess his appreciation for her talent just made me so happy. And I’m one of those who isn’t a Swifie or anything.
I think there may be an additional element of this that I am understanding from my single woman friends who are actively out there trying to date men - the beginnings of relationships (or even non-relationships) are a HOT MESS right now! Everything is so needlessly complicated and everyone in the dating landscape seems to treat each other like crap. And I gather that this sort of old-Hollywood-style relationship press roll out of this girl who so many relate to being loved upon and micro-worshipped in an respectful way by this big handsome man conjures a kind of comfort that this situation might still exist somewhere in the hellscape of modern dating if you just hold on long enough.
Not saying that’s true for everyone, just what i am observing from conversations!
I think there's definitely something to this. A lot of the earliest commentary I saw was about swooning over him carefully helping her into and out of cars-- clearly something she can do herself, but it's just a nice, old-fashioned gesture. I can see those respectful movements resonating for women tired of, say, getting dicks pics in their inboxes.
This relationship is rolling out amid a crappy dating landscape, and that adds to the appeal.
It might also be why this couple doesn’t resonate quite as much with someone like me, who has never had to deal with dating after most of the apps released. If I had direct experiences with it, it’d likely hit harder.
I find I'm very attracted to a love lost and then rekindled narrative which is why Persuasion is my favourite Austen and why I found myself very invested in Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's 20 year later reunion. I think it is that other future's possible thing - the sliding door moment of what could have been if things had worked out with that person from my past.
I'm in a relationship like that now --we were a fling but never a thing 20+ years ago but always maintained a spark and a friendship while we married (and then divorced) other people, etc. The timing was just never right until we decided that it should be. And now we're a couple, moving in together, etc. It's been FASCINATING for me to see how much this moves people, both those who knew us back then but also, and perhaps especially, those who hear the story and didn't know us/him at the time. This is helping me understand why!
I love a second chance romance! I am married for 9 years and no part of me thinks I should ever get back my ex with whom the timing was never right but the idea of it is very romantic! I personally like the idea of the pining over the one who got away for years (and the It Still Isn’t Over scene of The Notebook is very powerful for that reason!) best wishes for you on your rekindled romance.
My husband and I broke up for two full years, never assuming we would get back together. And now...here we are! The timing just had to be different. I also get similar comments from people, their interest is always piqued when I share our story. Best of luck to you!
Totally! We're celebrating our 40th anniversary next June, and we have various nicknames stretching back decades. Those "just between us" things are part of any long-term relationship, IMHO (assuming the nicknames aren't disparaging, of course!). I'm rooting for you kids! 🥰
This reminds me of something I just learned from sex therapist and educator Dr. Celeste Holbrook: that the opposite of desire is having something. Which is why that early-relationship desire is lost the longer you're with someone. Not because you don't love them! But because now you have them, so your brain moves on to desiring other things. I was so relieved to know that the "problem" wasn't me, even as I was and am stymied as to how to rekindle that early desire. Watching Taylor run to kiss Travis is such a strong reminder of what that early, falling in love, heady desire stage feels like. I miss it, I want it (desiring desire, how meta), and I can't look away.
the desiring of desire! I've been with my husband for 22 years, we know each other deeply and are woven into each others' lives. But sometimes I think about the headiness of a first kiss, how you look forward to it as a starting point, a marker in your life. And most likely, I won't have another first kiss, but at some point, I'll have a last kiss, and that's something I never like thinking about.
I got deep into Taylor Swift fandom during the pandemic, around when folklore came out, and it's been so interesting to watch this whole business as an exercise in crafting narratives (really hitting all my English major buttons). I was never that interested in her relationships, but the way she talks about them and uses them to steer the conversation about her life is amazing.
Some context on how her music and tour are playing into this for people who are way too invested in her storytelling:
During 2023, fandom has seen the artfully communicated breakup of a six-year relationship with Joe Alwyn. Specifically: it came a few weeks into the Eras tour, on the only non-tour weekend between several other stops.
Shortly before the news broke (the week before, iirc), there was a setlist change at the start of the folklore set. For the first few stops, it opened with "invisible string," which is a very cute song about some piece of fate pulling lovers together, with specific references to her life and Joe Alwyn's (like his teenage job). Key lyrics:
"A string that pulled me
Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar
Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire
Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons
One single thread of gold tied me to you"
Then she pivoted to "the 1", which is more about how it would have been beautiful if someone *had* been the love of your life. When the album dropped in 2020, it landed as a great general/ possible fiction song.
Key lyrics:
"And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one"
At the time, the shift was just a fun "ha, you can't guess everything from what you read online" thing, but in hindsight, it's a cue for people to stop focusing on that relationship. When did the actual breakup happen? We don't know, but that musical shift and the intentional narrative of it captivate me. Some people were wondering "why isn't Joe at opening night of the tour?", and the counterargument was that everything was fine or she wouldn't have led the segment on her Grammy-winning album with a song that is unambiguously about him. That single setlist change let her minimize gossip both before and after the breakup news dropped.
There was a lot of uncertainty about why that breakup of an always very private relationship happened, and we still don't know for sure: best guess is that Taylor wanted the spotlight of this tour and the press, and Joe didn't, or perhaps a disagreement about marriage. However, the clearest answer we've gotten is a limited song called "You're Losing Me." This was available on a limited CD at one weekend of shows and available in her online store for one weekend only: so the core fan base got to it, but it didn't get the full glare of the spotlight and it's not on Spotify yet (find it on Youtube). It's a heartbreaking song about a relationship falling apart and features this line:
"And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her"
I'm struck by the way fandom latched onto this song immediately, creating this shadow narrative along the lines of "Taylor wanted to get married and Joe didn't, but it's fine because he kept the relationship in the shadows and now she can be happy in public." She hasn't had to say a word in interviews-- the way the music was released, with the most vulnerable stuff being the hardest to find amid the glitz and glamour of the Eras tour, prepped the more intense fans to be looking for something new and different in her new relationship rather than resenting the next guy. (We are ignoring Matty Healy here because fandom hated that and it ended very quickly, but I've been impressed how comprehensively that rebound has sunk like a stone from the conversation.)
And then of course we come to that giddy kiss outside the tent, following a cute lyric change to "karma is the guy on the Chiefs", where there's a great reaction video of Travis clutching his face and grinning, clearly flattered. There's a lot of performed but real-seeming public, mutual affection there.
(sorry this is so long, but I wanted to drop in on behalf on the lyrics-nerd segment of her fandom, lol)
Ha, glad to share! The quieter fandom steering stuff often seems to pave the way for how Taylor Swift's team positions events later for a wider audience, and I've been so interested to see all those layers alongside the tour.
Thank you for this! I think it explains, in part, how her relatioship with Kelce was embraced by the public: a woman taken for granted by her former partner (doesn't matter if that's a fact or not, just that the narrative was crafted that way) and now found love and praise with her new partner. This is something the public loves and it keeps people rooting for her. Maybe the relatiohship with Joe just ran it's course and ended like so many relatioships... But the way it has been presented, kind of puts Swift as the "wronged woman" somehow ("he couldn't fully apreciate her or commit to her") and now she is getting her comeuppance. It also fits into her "karma" narrative (that seems to be always on her side and never coming back to haunt her, just her enemies)
One reason we are hooked is that Taylor has yet to get married. By contrast, another Taylor, Elizabeth, had been married five times by the time she was Taylor’s age. Of course, times are VASTLY different, but we have yet to see Taylor choose her first husband. She may wait even longer - Derek Jeter had an equally varied dating record, and did not marry until age 40. But I think “is he the one?” keeps us involved in the story.
So interesting to think about the societal narratives of marriage and divorce. Taylor was with Joe Alwyn for roughly 6 years. In a previous era, it's possible she would have married him and then they would have divorced. And it would have been fascinating to see how society responded to her as a divorced woman rather than a never-married woman. I think you're right on that the narrative is - who will she choose? Rather than, she has chosen folks and then it didn't work out. We're addicted to the breakup story but we don't want the divorce story.
This romance allows me to live in a world of Both/And. It lets me hold so many realities at once even while I know that it absolutely is not reality. What joy! It makes me feel like any woman can run off stage and have someone waiting for her, someone who has been publicly rooting for her all night. It actually makes Romance novels with the trope of hot sports human (football/hockey/soccer/etc) and very unathletic human seem like reality. It’s like a vacation for my brain. It’s such a white heteronormative fantasy, which makes it even easier to digest. I recognize it. It’s the myth I’ve been fed, and now it’s “real.”
i think this is spot on! i like taylor swift and her music and i am not a swiftie but i have several friends who are and i do feel like there is a "disney adult" element to being a swiftie that i definitely do not know enough about to unpack but i know it when i see it! and i don't necessarily mean that in a pejorative way but i do think both communities (that probably have a lot of overlap) engage with the "art/work" and the fantasy/disengagement from reality in a way that is tied into capitalism in such a foundational way that you really can't decouple it.
I’m a 43 year old Swiftie and I’m going to have to sit with this comparison for awhile. Honestly, having spent my twenties very much absorbed in the idea that my musical tastes said something deep and profound about me, it feels delightful to have given myself over to something that the mid-aughts arbiters of taste find deeply uncool. The consumerist aspect of it is very interesting. Both Disney and Taylor are very good at parting people with their money...and also very good at making people feel something. Honestly, being a Swiftie is a more affordable pursuit! I think in any fandom, you’ll find people willing to spend astronomical sums of money, but how that spending is viewed depends on how seriously that particular thing is taken.
absolutely! as someone who is probably too militant about having free hobbies it's very interesting to see different fandoms (yes, iron man participants, i mean you too!) and how much money they are willing to shell out, or not shell out. and what that says about the fandom's perceived "priorities" or self image. the dungeons and dragons community rebelled against the parent company this past year when they tried to monetize more of the IP associated with the game and inhibit people from creating their own D&D worlds. this was, in part, i think, because the community (myself included) prides itself on being DIY... but people are also willing to spend a TON of money on dice, minis, boards, etc.
anyway lots to unpack. meanwhile, i'm grateful for my local library for making my #1 hobby mostly free!
This was interesting to read. I’m a casual fan of Taylor’s and I’m in no way invested in this relationship. I saw how Kelce “rebranded” while he was with a black woman and I saw how he returned to his….”true form” after that relationship ended. I saw how some Swifties shat on this woman for no reason other than being the ex. So when I see this couple I don’t think about the potential for a similar kind of romance happening in my life. Instead it’s a reminder that men can be chameleons and it’s hard to know who they really are.
Add to that this layer of race/culture…. Travis got a style glow up from a black woman (See him in 2016, see twitter thread on the phenomenon
How does Kelce show up if he’s in a relationship with an Asian woman, I wonder? ….anyhoo, clearly this is about Kelce not Swift. I want to love someone who is authentic and not someone who constantly changes their entire persona to fit whoever he’s dating. So there’s nothing aspirational to me about their relationship.
I don’t want a love/romance like that. You guys see his red jersey, I see a red flag. 👀😅
Yes, there are obsessive Swifties, like the ones who went apeshit on Jake Gyllenhall after the release of the 10 minute All Too Well, and there's been debate over whether Taylor should say/do something (she did tell fans not to bother John Mayer when she re released Dear John).
I don't know enough to talk about performative identity, but you have to admit it's pretty common for women to make over their boyfriends. The positive spin is that we know he is willing to take advice and learn from a gf.
You bring up a great point: Why do women give their bfs makeovers? Who benefits??? My friends who do this end up being dumped because he is now able to level up to a new girl (sorry for the cringy gaming analogies). So what’s the point of being Barbara the Builder? I’m not saying the guy never stays, but I’d love to see some data on this.
As for how he treats her, I can’t really speak on it because I avoid that content, but I’m certainly glad that there’s one man in American pop culture who can serve as an example for the common men. 🥴
I've never done the full makeover thing, and it's been way too many years to remember what, if anything, I changed about my husband's look when we started dating (married almost 30 years, yikes), mostly through a kind of attrition now. Like; those jeans are worn out, let's try a new style. The joke is that my husband gets the majority of his wardrobe at Costco (cue the memes about it) so he's firmly in that Basic Dad Style Demographic, lol.
“ So when I see this couple I don’t think about the potential for a similar kind of romance happening in my life.” THIS. I feel the same… and I find it very interesting that people are looking at this romance as if this would be something they too can have. I find it somehow a bit perverse that mainstream mídia keeps pushing the “you can have the fairy tale” narrative when the truth is… this kind of heteronormative white wealthy romance if for some very few. Am I tripping? Am J just jealous? Probably.. But I’d like to try to unpack these feelings…
Nov 15, 2023·edited Nov 15, 2023Liked by Anne Helen Petersen
What Morgan Crutchfield wrote!
I'll also add that I recently watched the David Beckham documentary on Netflix and I found it surprisingly tender, trenchant, and at times, hilarious (especially the immediately viral back-and-forth with Victoria about her upbringing defined and what kind of car her father used to drive her to school in when she was a kiddo.) While I was a living and breathing human when their relationship began, I didn't live in the UK, didn't listen to the Spice Girls, didn't watch professional soccer (okay, okay, football, hello Ted Lasso) but was still *keenly* aware of what a monster match it was, celebrity-wise. A super relationship. The fact that it has endured and that they seem to genuinely enjoy one another decades on, makes me want to root for them all the more.
But where this dovetails with the angle on this particular newsletter is that the doc lets the viewer live through that fevered beginning stage of a relationship with them again, but with the benefit of hindsight (and sure, massaging given it's the two of them controlling the narrative.) Add to that the massive pressure on DB to perform in the 1998 World Cup and it's a tale that at times feels mythological.
Yes i was not engrossed in their story at the time that it was happening but I was certainly engrossed in it while watching the documentary. Also wow was he smoooking hot holy hell. And the fact that their relationship has survived through all of that is pretty surprising to be honest.
“they care so much that they must occasionally seek utopia, no matter the form, no matter how seemingly dissonant. We return to fantasy not to forget, but to remember: other futures are possible.”
I started reading regency romance shortly after my kiddo was born and have been struggling ever since with how embarrassed I am by it (it's so white! It's so trope-y! It's so smutty!). Surely I should be reading something more "serious". I was recently asked "what I'm reading" in an interview for a piece on women in leadership and it completely threw me for a loop. I dodged the question and said something about only really having time for podcasts and the HBR. I wish I'd told the interviewer (and myself) the truth. The world is really hard, my job is incredibly demanding and when I find time to read a book I need something that goes down easy, helps me escape and can be put down/picked up every 5 minutes when someone inevitably needs something from me without me losing the thread of the plot. And that's FINE.
I wrote above about how I think the Romance tropes come to life is a lot of the fascination here, but I'm just here to say that nearly every woman I know started reading romance over the past 5 years, and I've gradually started just being super open about it and recommending titles left and right/urging those who are still holding out to give it a try. It's such BS that we are made to feel inferior for reading things that are fun to read. (Also I bet most people in a business setting who judge readers of romance as "unserious" truly AREN'T reading much besides the HBR! So there! ;-) )
I didn't like Star Trek: Voyager, but I liked the sequence in the first episode where Janeway was in the holodeck as the newly arrived governess in some gothic / Regency romance novel. Hey, Picard had his tommy guns and flappers. Janeway was more than entitled to some R&R. Granted, she needed better writers.
I spent years reading historical romance when my kids were little and was embarrassed as well. A friend and I would swap them in secret! Was pure escapism from the day to day drudgery of raising kids with a largely absent partner. Now I mainly read non fiction. Tastes change.
When I was at a spa in the French countryside, I dropped by the gift / notions shop. There was a rack of paperbacks, almost all of them pulp romances. I took a closer look. Just about all of them had been translated from the English. Even Frenchwomen need a break for their brains when they're soaking in the hydrotherapy tub. I have no idea of what the men read, but it's quite possible a lot of Frenchmen are fond of romance literature as am I.
Couple of thoughts springing up in me, A Non-Fan of TS/TK Who Nevertheless Watches *All* the Tiktok Reposts (And Who Loves Mad Men!!!!):
Thought #1: In polyamory we have the concept of New Relationship Energy, or NRE (one of the many concepts from polyam-land that I think is super useful in all kinds of relationships!), that codifies this idea of the intoxicating but also narrative rush of the Beginning of Things: all the ways you idealize someone, all the chemicals flowing through your body, the reality of the fact that it WILL fade, and then your relationship will have to transition: either end (because NRE was the thing carrying it along) or transform into, as AHP says, the real "labor" of loving someone. All the polyamorous folks I know have their own relationship to NRE, and it's one of those things you do need to think critically about if you want to have successful multiple relationships running/overlapping/developing/ending at the same time. How do you indulge in the potential of your new hot girlfriend and keep one eye on the very real reality of your ten year marriage at the same time? Or, in this TS/TK monogamous context that we're all watching, how do you get carried away by all the STORY of a new romance while hoping/wishing for the thing to become, eventually, your mundane day to day life?
Ultimately, it's bittersweet, right? Wanting the thing and technically, then, wanting that thing to end in service of another thing. (Thought #2 incoming) Anne Carson writes about this kind of desire in her book EROS (which is an unpacking of Sappho's invention of the word "bittersweet" to describe love and also it's about so much more and god she's just brilliant). One of the many things the book revolves around is how desire is an unresolved action: it's a reaching, it's a movement, it's wanting -- but it's NOT having. And most importantly, having transforms desire into something else, because the action was completed. The lover has been had. The apple on the tree has been plucked.
So (thought #3), the allure of this story we're all watching is that we're caught in the tension and suspended reality of the moment of desire JUST being fulfilled: they sort of have just now had each other, on the cusp of resolving tension. (Maybe this is highlighted even more because of all the Content to consume? You can rewatch the handholding as many times as you'd like; the consummation can be replayed again and again. It's in the fossil record, so we can stay in the bittersweet tension/desire moment as long as we like.)
I'm not super invested in the T/T and feel some kind of way about all the content about it on social, but as it turns out, I AM interested in all this content about the content about the content. The commentary here is very interesting to me. I'm not a romance story girlie, but I still love talking about genre and tropes even when it's not my genre and tropes.
I think we're collectively realizing that a lot of men are downright awful and we're not only being turned off by that but repulsed by their commitment to that bit. So the idea of a seemingly lovely girl, who's been unlucky in love, being unexpectedly pursued by not only a stereotypically beautiful manly man, but one who seems to be a progressive, supportive, confident in himself man? It's quite literally like all of our favorite romance novels come to life. It gives all of us hope that our version of Travis Kelce could also be out there, admiring us from afar and about to shoot their shot.
(As an aside: I have my doubts about the longevity of the relationship, primarily because Travis has this Black man affectation that feels uncomfortable; it reminds me of Justin Timberlake in Britney's memoir, pretending to be this hip-hop wannabe. It feels juvenile to me, like he's trying to be cooler than he is, I would find it grating, but perhaps Taylor has more patience. Regardless, I am rooting for her!)
From what I've read, he actually does have a lot of close friends who are Black. So maybe it is authentic? This is possibly just wishful thinking on my part but time will tell!
Oh he absolutely does; I guess as a white person I'm not certain whether white guys acting like they're Black is eye-rolling levels of offensive or truly problematic (it feels like it should be?). The term "cultural appropriation" comes to mind but I have no idea if Travis' affectation meets that threshold.
Commenting on the 'affectation'- I wonder if he's just picked that up because so many of the people he's around constantly (i.e. football players) are also Black? Like when I was growing up and most of my friends were Korean I got much more familiar with Korean culture and language- although, TBH, I never mimicked mannerisms
I said to my friend just yesterday “I’m concerned Taylor only likes the beginnings of things!” And it was a direct reference to Dr. Faye! I meant I was concerned that we were all getting too invested in this relationship and *we* - the viewing public - would get our collective hopes dashed. Taylor Swift is a billionaire talent extraordinaire who needs no man and has afforded herself the right to do what so many ultra wealthy men have done before her, which is lots of beginnings of things! Still, she is such an image crafting mastermind we want the heteronormative fairy tale to play out before our eyes.
I read a lot of romance books, and watching footage of Taylor and Travis provides the same hopeful feeling of a happily ever after. In complex times, it’s comforting to gravitate towards hope. Their relationship is something to root for, just as we do in romcoms/romance books.
I am definitely in the camp of never having been at all interested in a Taylor Swift relationship and being surprised by my interest in this one. Which is not super high but it does exist. So, having read this extremely fascinating piece on it, here's what occurred to me about what I'm seeing. One is that Kelce is so willing to enact the giddiness of the beginning of a relationship in a way that we don't usually see big football dudes do. And if you read romance novels, that is very much an end-of-romance thing -- the big guy so consumed by love that he for the first time drops his kind of masculine withholdingness and allows himself to be vulnerable and joyful. (I have no idea how Kelce has been in previous relationships; just talking here about how his current performance of this relationship fits into the general image of the big football dude.) So he's kind of offering the beginning and the end simultaneously. Additionally, also thinking romances, Kelce is at a classic romance hero place in his life: he's a football player trying to figure out what comes next. He's been successful but the thing he's dedicated his life to is going to stop being an option, so it's a kind of moment of possibility but also a moment he needs to figure out a new set of things to structure his life around. (I mean, Susan Elizabeth Phillips had a whole set of books about football players at more or less this moment in their careers. And I feel like there are other books by other authors with those characters.) Anyway, yeah, I did not expect to be spending this much time thinking about a Taylor Swift relationship.
I just really hope SEP is living for all of this.
But you're right, there's so much about all of this that is structured like a romance novel, in a way that is maximized for female enjoyment that we so seldom get to see in real life - the big football dude who is *also* unashamedly sold out for his pop star who is metaphorically bigger than he is. What a time to be alive!
This thread is IT. Yes.
Totally yes, this is an SEP novel come to life. She even revived (I think there was a break between novels?) the Chicago Stars series recently and there's one about a backup quarterback and a world-famous mezzo soprano.
When Stars Collide - instant fave!
GOOD TO KNOW.
I was just coming to repeat what I'd said in DMs, which was that I think a lot of the fascination comes from how they are acting out romance novel tropes in a very literal way. Especially with the resurgence of the modern romance genre and the huge shift of romance novels into the mainstream (particularly since the pandemic started), SO many people are very deeply aware of the beats of those books, and seeing one "come to life" makes them giddy in a similar, more intense way. Perhaps there's also an element of "wait, those books can actually come true?" that is making people rethink what they expect or want in their own lives. I'm not saying I think TS/TK are some sort of fated One True Love Meant To Be couple; maybe they are and maybe they aren't! They seem very happy and they're adults at an age where you are often pretty clear on what works for you in a relationship. But I think the optics give that Happily Ever After feeling (in a calculated (non-derogatory!) way) and it's scratching an itch for lots of people.
FASCINATING!
Oh, I’ve been waiting for somewhere to discuss this. I have a 16 year old bona fide Swiftie, so we talk about this a lot. Plus, my husband is a longtime Chiefs fan and has passed that to our 14 year old son, so this feels like something that all my family can relate to (spoiler: they can’t). I appreciate AHP’s analysis of the narrative around Taylor, but I feel like my interest is much more face value: Taylor has been really transparent about all her relationships, so it feels like we know the stories and her pain, etc. And I was thinking about this the other night and it occurred to me that my delight, and I assume others’, as well, is about how here’s this incredibly successful in his field man, handsome, well-liked, etc, and he is crazy about this incredibly successful woman and is proud and supportive of the work that it takes to be as successful as she is. He supports her! He admires her for her work and talent and expresses that! I feel like that’s something that’s largely absent from a lot of the way successful men discuss the women in their lives; so often the things they say are focused on how the woman supports them, what she does for them as a partner. And here’s Travis, just like gobsmacked that he landed this woman whose success eclipses his exponentially and he’s into it. The only other male celebrity I can think of who’s similar is George Clooney, and I also really love seeing his awe and uxoriousness towards his wife whose contributions are literally saving lives.
AWE AND UXORIOUSNESS! This is it!!!
If anyone thinking about how men CAN be in awe of their partners (and a perpetual awareness of how lucky they are to be with them) hasn't read Calvin Trillin's writing about his wife Alice, my brother and I have been discussing it for literally decades. Look up "Alice, On and Off The Page" (2006) for a perfect taste. A few quotes if you'll indulge me:
"Yet I got a lot of letters like the one from a young woman in New York who wrote that she
sometimes looked at her boyfriend and thought, 'But will he love me like Calvin loves Alice?'"
Writing about a condolence letter after Alice's death that got their whole vibe:
"'I always thought of you as a wonderful guy, but still I couldn't figure out how you managed to get Alice. Harris once told me it was just dumb luck.' When I read that, I burst out laughing. Harris had nailed it again."
About Dick Francis saying he probably wouldn't keep writing after his wife died:
"But I read his reluctance to write novels without her another way. As I understood what he was saying, she was the one he'd been trying to impress.
I showed Alice everything I wrote in rough draft--partly because I valued her opinion but partly because I hoped to impress her. If the piece was meant to be funny, the sound of laughter from the next room was a great reward. When I wrote in the dedication of a book 'For Alice' I meant it literally."
I adore this! Have taken a screencap to copy into my journal
The whole thing is just *chef's kiss*
I love this so hard.
Are we afraid he's just a wife guy in training though? And don't all wife guys eventually disappoint us/flame out?
Last night I gave in to two straights hours of TikToks of the Kelces on their podcast. And they're charming! And sweet! And funny! And then this morning, I was reminded by a colleague of all the ways Travis has been not awesome in the past. And maybe Jason is good, but is the bar just too low for men/husbands?
Or maybe every guy is great in the beginning, going back to the start of the post...
Yes, can we talk at length about uxoriousness, why it's great, why it's demonized (spoiler alert: misoginy), and also, why it's GREAT?
Relatedly (maybe????) I just realized the (only?) thing drawing me into their story is … their ages/life stages. What a weird comment, I know. But I feel like I’m looking at where they are with recognition and a little bit of near-proximity jealousy and an overall urge to root for them to make the most of this moment. As a total non-swiftie I’m finding a weird pleasure in seeing Taylor’s public persona now because she seems *comfortable* as well as commanding. A tiny part of me feels like this only possible in your early 30s, when you gain poise and lose fucks but have not quite had to reckon with the societal toll of “aging” as a woman. (I’m 41 now and grappling with the feeling that a switch was flipped sometime between 36 and 37, or maybe 37 and 38). I am not describing myself as “old.” I am describing how I felt constantly up-and-coming and then overnight I felt worried about being too old to hire in my field; where was the peak? How long do you get to be the “right” age for public success? So when I watch Taylor at a powerful peak, this moment of commanding attention across generations, it feels ephemeral to me. I wonder how she’ll navigate it and how ruthlessly-age-obsessed Gen Z will handle it too. I really want to see how Taylor and her fans will REALLY navigate her next literal era and this is kind of the deep breath before that happens; if I’m honest that’s the main source of fantasy I find in it. At any rate … I’m rooting for her to transcend again, at least as a public figure, because I kind of want to know that’s possible.
(Sorry, I’m sure this doesn’t actually seem related to the comment I replied to, but it came from thinking about their appearance of absolute peak success and wholeness as people, plus the comment above about Kelce’s imminent life transition hovering in the wings when he retires from football. There’s going to be one for her too.)
i think alexis ohanian is another example of this -- he is truly in awe of serena (as he should be), and is openly and publicly supportive of her, in every outcome of her matches.
The other deeply uxorious husband I always think about is Prince Harry. That man LOVES his wife and its such a pleasure to watch.
Yes!!!! He adores her. I want that so badly. And I don’t want to settle for anything less
Especially since it seems among mostly men and especially “jocks” it had become acceptable to basically hate on Taylor, probably because her success on her tour among women made them feel threatened (this was before Travis). I have seen so many unflattering clips of her making the rounds as well as jokes about swifties all summer. And to have one of their “own”, a football player no less lean into her tour and wanting to date her and profess his appreciation for her talent just made me so happy. And I’m one of those who isn’t a Swifie or anything.
OMG THIS.
I think there may be an additional element of this that I am understanding from my single woman friends who are actively out there trying to date men - the beginnings of relationships (or even non-relationships) are a HOT MESS right now! Everything is so needlessly complicated and everyone in the dating landscape seems to treat each other like crap. And I gather that this sort of old-Hollywood-style relationship press roll out of this girl who so many relate to being loved upon and micro-worshipped in an respectful way by this big handsome man conjures a kind of comfort that this situation might still exist somewhere in the hellscape of modern dating if you just hold on long enough.
Not saying that’s true for everyone, just what i am observing from conversations!
I think there's definitely something to this. A lot of the earliest commentary I saw was about swooning over him carefully helping her into and out of cars-- clearly something she can do herself, but it's just a nice, old-fashioned gesture. I can see those respectful movements resonating for women tired of, say, getting dicks pics in their inboxes.
I think you’re onto something here.
This relationship is rolling out amid a crappy dating landscape, and that adds to the appeal.
It might also be why this couple doesn’t resonate quite as much with someone like me, who has never had to deal with dating after most of the apps released. If I had direct experiences with it, it’d likely hit harder.
I can totally relate to that and it makes so much sense.
I find I'm very attracted to a love lost and then rekindled narrative which is why Persuasion is my favourite Austen and why I found myself very invested in Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's 20 year later reunion. I think it is that other future's possible thing - the sliding door moment of what could have been if things had worked out with that person from my past.
"Tell me which Austen novel is your favorite and I will tell you who broke your heart" is my favorite party ice-breaker <3
I'd love to see this analysis and apply it to my own brand of beloved fiction, Stephen King.
Pride and prejudice… 😬😬
Oh that’s genius!!
OK I want--need--to hear this analysis!
I'm in a relationship like that now --we were a fling but never a thing 20+ years ago but always maintained a spark and a friendship while we married (and then divorced) other people, etc. The timing was just never right until we decided that it should be. And now we're a couple, moving in together, etc. It's been FASCINATING for me to see how much this moves people, both those who knew us back then but also, and perhaps especially, those who hear the story and didn't know us/him at the time. This is helping me understand why!
I love a second chance romance! I am married for 9 years and no part of me thinks I should ever get back my ex with whom the timing was never right but the idea of it is very romantic! I personally like the idea of the pining over the one who got away for years (and the It Still Isn’t Over scene of The Notebook is very powerful for that reason!) best wishes for you on your rekindled romance.
My husband and I broke up for two full years, never assuming we would get back together. And now...here we are! The timing just had to be different. I also get similar comments from people, their interest is always piqued when I share our story. Best of luck to you!
Wishing you many good wishes in your rekindled relationship. Don't forget to create a "shipper" name! ❤️
Ha! We've rekindled not just the spark but also the nicknames we had for each other at the time, which sort of echo each other. Does that count? 🥰
Totally! We're celebrating our 40th anniversary next June, and we have various nicknames stretching back decades. Those "just between us" things are part of any long-term relationship, IMHO (assuming the nicknames aren't disparaging, of course!). I'm rooting for you kids! 🥰
This reminds me of something I just learned from sex therapist and educator Dr. Celeste Holbrook: that the opposite of desire is having something. Which is why that early-relationship desire is lost the longer you're with someone. Not because you don't love them! But because now you have them, so your brain moves on to desiring other things. I was so relieved to know that the "problem" wasn't me, even as I was and am stymied as to how to rekindle that early desire. Watching Taylor run to kiss Travis is such a strong reminder of what that early, falling in love, heady desire stage feels like. I miss it, I want it (desiring desire, how meta), and I can't look away.
the desiring of desire! I've been with my husband for 22 years, we know each other deeply and are woven into each others' lives. But sometimes I think about the headiness of a first kiss, how you look forward to it as a starting point, a marker in your life. And most likely, I won't have another first kiss, but at some point, I'll have a last kiss, and that's something I never like thinking about.
Damnnn Jessica 🥲 You captured a lot of big feelings I feel so succinctly and beautifully
A while back I was listening to a Dan Savage podcast and he referenced this as New Relationship Energy (NRE). I think it’s helpful to give it a name
God I love this newsletter. ❤️
I got deep into Taylor Swift fandom during the pandemic, around when folklore came out, and it's been so interesting to watch this whole business as an exercise in crafting narratives (really hitting all my English major buttons). I was never that interested in her relationships, but the way she talks about them and uses them to steer the conversation about her life is amazing.
Some context on how her music and tour are playing into this for people who are way too invested in her storytelling:
During 2023, fandom has seen the artfully communicated breakup of a six-year relationship with Joe Alwyn. Specifically: it came a few weeks into the Eras tour, on the only non-tour weekend between several other stops.
Shortly before the news broke (the week before, iirc), there was a setlist change at the start of the folklore set. For the first few stops, it opened with "invisible string," which is a very cute song about some piece of fate pulling lovers together, with specific references to her life and Joe Alwyn's (like his teenage job). Key lyrics:
"A string that pulled me
Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar
Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire
Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons
One single thread of gold tied me to you"
Then she pivoted to "the 1", which is more about how it would have been beautiful if someone *had* been the love of your life. When the album dropped in 2020, it landed as a great general/ possible fiction song.
Key lyrics:
"And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one"
At the time, the shift was just a fun "ha, you can't guess everything from what you read online" thing, but in hindsight, it's a cue for people to stop focusing on that relationship. When did the actual breakup happen? We don't know, but that musical shift and the intentional narrative of it captivate me. Some people were wondering "why isn't Joe at opening night of the tour?", and the counterargument was that everything was fine or she wouldn't have led the segment on her Grammy-winning album with a song that is unambiguously about him. That single setlist change let her minimize gossip both before and after the breakup news dropped.
There was a lot of uncertainty about why that breakup of an always very private relationship happened, and we still don't know for sure: best guess is that Taylor wanted the spotlight of this tour and the press, and Joe didn't, or perhaps a disagreement about marriage. However, the clearest answer we've gotten is a limited song called "You're Losing Me." This was available on a limited CD at one weekend of shows and available in her online store for one weekend only: so the core fan base got to it, but it didn't get the full glare of the spotlight and it's not on Spotify yet (find it on Youtube). It's a heartbreaking song about a relationship falling apart and features this line:
"And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her"
I'm struck by the way fandom latched onto this song immediately, creating this shadow narrative along the lines of "Taylor wanted to get married and Joe didn't, but it's fine because he kept the relationship in the shadows and now she can be happy in public." She hasn't had to say a word in interviews-- the way the music was released, with the most vulnerable stuff being the hardest to find amid the glitz and glamour of the Eras tour, prepped the more intense fans to be looking for something new and different in her new relationship rather than resenting the next guy. (We are ignoring Matty Healy here because fandom hated that and it ended very quickly, but I've been impressed how comprehensively that rebound has sunk like a stone from the conversation.)
And then of course we come to that giddy kiss outside the tent, following a cute lyric change to "karma is the guy on the Chiefs", where there's a great reaction video of Travis clutching his face and grinning, clearly flattered. There's a lot of performed but real-seeming public, mutual affection there.
(sorry this is so long, but I wanted to drop in on behalf on the lyrics-nerd segment of her fandom, lol)
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE
Ha, glad to share! The quieter fandom steering stuff often seems to pave the way for how Taylor Swift's team positions events later for a wider audience, and I've been so interested to see all those layers alongside the tour.
Thank you for this! I think it explains, in part, how her relatioship with Kelce was embraced by the public: a woman taken for granted by her former partner (doesn't matter if that's a fact or not, just that the narrative was crafted that way) and now found love and praise with her new partner. This is something the public loves and it keeps people rooting for her. Maybe the relatiohship with Joe just ran it's course and ended like so many relatioships... But the way it has been presented, kind of puts Swift as the "wronged woman" somehow ("he couldn't fully apreciate her or commit to her") and now she is getting her comeuppance. It also fits into her "karma" narrative (that seems to be always on her side and never coming back to haunt her, just her enemies)
YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!
One reason we are hooked is that Taylor has yet to get married. By contrast, another Taylor, Elizabeth, had been married five times by the time she was Taylor’s age. Of course, times are VASTLY different, but we have yet to see Taylor choose her first husband. She may wait even longer - Derek Jeter had an equally varied dating record, and did not marry until age 40. But I think “is he the one?” keeps us involved in the story.
So interesting to think about the societal narratives of marriage and divorce. Taylor was with Joe Alwyn for roughly 6 years. In a previous era, it's possible she would have married him and then they would have divorced. And it would have been fascinating to see how society responded to her as a divorced woman rather than a never-married woman. I think you're right on that the narrative is - who will she choose? Rather than, she has chosen folks and then it didn't work out. We're addicted to the breakup story but we don't want the divorce story.
This romance allows me to live in a world of Both/And. It lets me hold so many realities at once even while I know that it absolutely is not reality. What joy! It makes me feel like any woman can run off stage and have someone waiting for her, someone who has been publicly rooting for her all night. It actually makes Romance novels with the trope of hot sports human (football/hockey/soccer/etc) and very unathletic human seem like reality. It’s like a vacation for my brain. It’s such a white heteronormative fantasy, which makes it even easier to digest. I recognize it. It’s the myth I’ve been fed, and now it’s “real.”
i think this is spot on! i like taylor swift and her music and i am not a swiftie but i have several friends who are and i do feel like there is a "disney adult" element to being a swiftie that i definitely do not know enough about to unpack but i know it when i see it! and i don't necessarily mean that in a pejorative way but i do think both communities (that probably have a lot of overlap) engage with the "art/work" and the fantasy/disengagement from reality in a way that is tied into capitalism in such a foundational way that you really can't decouple it.
I’m a 43 year old Swiftie and I’m going to have to sit with this comparison for awhile. Honestly, having spent my twenties very much absorbed in the idea that my musical tastes said something deep and profound about me, it feels delightful to have given myself over to something that the mid-aughts arbiters of taste find deeply uncool. The consumerist aspect of it is very interesting. Both Disney and Taylor are very good at parting people with their money...and also very good at making people feel something. Honestly, being a Swiftie is a more affordable pursuit! I think in any fandom, you’ll find people willing to spend astronomical sums of money, but how that spending is viewed depends on how seriously that particular thing is taken.
absolutely! as someone who is probably too militant about having free hobbies it's very interesting to see different fandoms (yes, iron man participants, i mean you too!) and how much money they are willing to shell out, or not shell out. and what that says about the fandom's perceived "priorities" or self image. the dungeons and dragons community rebelled against the parent company this past year when they tried to monetize more of the IP associated with the game and inhibit people from creating their own D&D worlds. this was, in part, i think, because the community (myself included) prides itself on being DIY... but people are also willing to spend a TON of money on dice, minis, boards, etc.
anyway lots to unpack. meanwhile, i'm grateful for my local library for making my #1 hobby mostly free!
Yes! Disney adult is 10000% accurate.
This was interesting to read. I’m a casual fan of Taylor’s and I’m in no way invested in this relationship. I saw how Kelce “rebranded” while he was with a black woman and I saw how he returned to his….”true form” after that relationship ended. I saw how some Swifties shat on this woman for no reason other than being the ex. So when I see this couple I don’t think about the potential for a similar kind of romance happening in my life. Instead it’s a reminder that men can be chameleons and it’s hard to know who they really are.
Add to that this layer of race/culture…. Travis got a style glow up from a black woman (See him in 2016, see twitter thread on the phenomenon
https://twitter.com/kiannaovo/status/1216914573300785153?s=21&t=bY4It3MsOVKT-cS_jY1FuQ), left her and landed one of the biggest pop stars in the world. I’m not a scholar on this topic, but it’s giving performative identity.
How does Kelce show up if he’s in a relationship with an Asian woman, I wonder? ….anyhoo, clearly this is about Kelce not Swift. I want to love someone who is authentic and not someone who constantly changes their entire persona to fit whoever he’s dating. So there’s nothing aspirational to me about their relationship.
I don’t want a love/romance like that. You guys see his red jersey, I see a red flag. 👀😅
Yes, there are obsessive Swifties, like the ones who went apeshit on Jake Gyllenhall after the release of the 10 minute All Too Well, and there's been debate over whether Taylor should say/do something (she did tell fans not to bother John Mayer when she re released Dear John).
I don't know enough to talk about performative identity, but you have to admit it's pretty common for women to make over their boyfriends. The positive spin is that we know he is willing to take advice and learn from a gf.
You bring up a great point: Why do women give their bfs makeovers? Who benefits??? My friends who do this end up being dumped because he is now able to level up to a new girl (sorry for the cringy gaming analogies). So what’s the point of being Barbara the Builder? I’m not saying the guy never stays, but I’d love to see some data on this.
As for how he treats her, I can’t really speak on it because I avoid that content, but I’m certainly glad that there’s one man in American pop culture who can serve as an example for the common men. 🥴
I've never done the full makeover thing, and it's been way too many years to remember what, if anything, I changed about my husband's look when we started dating (married almost 30 years, yikes), mostly through a kind of attrition now. Like; those jeans are worn out, let's try a new style. The joke is that my husband gets the majority of his wardrobe at Costco (cue the memes about it) so he's firmly in that Basic Dad Style Demographic, lol.
I really enjoy how quickly Taylor made him get rid of the mustache.
“ So when I see this couple I don’t think about the potential for a similar kind of romance happening in my life.” THIS. I feel the same… and I find it very interesting that people are looking at this romance as if this would be something they too can have. I find it somehow a bit perverse that mainstream mídia keeps pushing the “you can have the fairy tale” narrative when the truth is… this kind of heteronormative white wealthy romance if for some very few. Am I tripping? Am J just jealous? Probably.. But I’d like to try to unpack these feelings…
What Morgan Crutchfield wrote!
I'll also add that I recently watched the David Beckham documentary on Netflix and I found it surprisingly tender, trenchant, and at times, hilarious (especially the immediately viral back-and-forth with Victoria about her upbringing defined and what kind of car her father used to drive her to school in when she was a kiddo.) While I was a living and breathing human when their relationship began, I didn't live in the UK, didn't listen to the Spice Girls, didn't watch professional soccer (okay, okay, football, hello Ted Lasso) but was still *keenly* aware of what a monster match it was, celebrity-wise. A super relationship. The fact that it has endured and that they seem to genuinely enjoy one another decades on, makes me want to root for them all the more.
But where this dovetails with the angle on this particular newsletter is that the doc lets the viewer live through that fevered beginning stage of a relationship with them again, but with the benefit of hindsight (and sure, massaging given it's the two of them controlling the narrative.) Add to that the massive pressure on DB to perform in the 1998 World Cup and it's a tale that at times feels mythological.
Yes i was not engrossed in their story at the time that it was happening but I was certainly engrossed in it while watching the documentary. Also wow was he smoooking hot holy hell. And the fact that their relationship has survived through all of that is pretty surprising to be honest.
“they care so much that they must occasionally seek utopia, no matter the form, no matter how seemingly dissonant. We return to fantasy not to forget, but to remember: other futures are possible.”
❤️⚡️⚡️⚡️❤️
I started reading regency romance shortly after my kiddo was born and have been struggling ever since with how embarrassed I am by it (it's so white! It's so trope-y! It's so smutty!). Surely I should be reading something more "serious". I was recently asked "what I'm reading" in an interview for a piece on women in leadership and it completely threw me for a loop. I dodged the question and said something about only really having time for podcasts and the HBR. I wish I'd told the interviewer (and myself) the truth. The world is really hard, my job is incredibly demanding and when I find time to read a book I need something that goes down easy, helps me escape and can be put down/picked up every 5 minutes when someone inevitably needs something from me without me losing the thread of the plot. And that's FINE.
I wrote above about how I think the Romance tropes come to life is a lot of the fascination here, but I'm just here to say that nearly every woman I know started reading romance over the past 5 years, and I've gradually started just being super open about it and recommending titles left and right/urging those who are still holding out to give it a try. It's such BS that we are made to feel inferior for reading things that are fun to read. (Also I bet most people in a business setting who judge readers of romance as "unserious" truly AREN'T reading much besides the HBR! So there! ;-) )
I didn't like Star Trek: Voyager, but I liked the sequence in the first episode where Janeway was in the holodeck as the newly arrived governess in some gothic / Regency romance novel. Hey, Picard had his tommy guns and flappers. Janeway was more than entitled to some R&R. Granted, she needed better writers.
I spent years reading historical romance when my kids were little and was embarrassed as well. A friend and I would swap them in secret! Was pure escapism from the day to day drudgery of raising kids with a largely absent partner. Now I mainly read non fiction. Tastes change.
When I was at a spa in the French countryside, I dropped by the gift / notions shop. There was a rack of paperbacks, almost all of them pulp romances. I took a closer look. Just about all of them had been translated from the English. Even Frenchwomen need a break for their brains when they're soaking in the hydrotherapy tub. I have no idea of what the men read, but it's quite possible a lot of Frenchmen are fond of romance literature as am I.
I felt this same line so so much.
Couple of thoughts springing up in me, A Non-Fan of TS/TK Who Nevertheless Watches *All* the Tiktok Reposts (And Who Loves Mad Men!!!!):
Thought #1: In polyamory we have the concept of New Relationship Energy, or NRE (one of the many concepts from polyam-land that I think is super useful in all kinds of relationships!), that codifies this idea of the intoxicating but also narrative rush of the Beginning of Things: all the ways you idealize someone, all the chemicals flowing through your body, the reality of the fact that it WILL fade, and then your relationship will have to transition: either end (because NRE was the thing carrying it along) or transform into, as AHP says, the real "labor" of loving someone. All the polyamorous folks I know have their own relationship to NRE, and it's one of those things you do need to think critically about if you want to have successful multiple relationships running/overlapping/developing/ending at the same time. How do you indulge in the potential of your new hot girlfriend and keep one eye on the very real reality of your ten year marriage at the same time? Or, in this TS/TK monogamous context that we're all watching, how do you get carried away by all the STORY of a new romance while hoping/wishing for the thing to become, eventually, your mundane day to day life?
Ultimately, it's bittersweet, right? Wanting the thing and technically, then, wanting that thing to end in service of another thing. (Thought #2 incoming) Anne Carson writes about this kind of desire in her book EROS (which is an unpacking of Sappho's invention of the word "bittersweet" to describe love and also it's about so much more and god she's just brilliant). One of the many things the book revolves around is how desire is an unresolved action: it's a reaching, it's a movement, it's wanting -- but it's NOT having. And most importantly, having transforms desire into something else, because the action was completed. The lover has been had. The apple on the tree has been plucked.
So (thought #3), the allure of this story we're all watching is that we're caught in the tension and suspended reality of the moment of desire JUST being fulfilled: they sort of have just now had each other, on the cusp of resolving tension. (Maybe this is highlighted even more because of all the Content to consume? You can rewatch the handholding as many times as you'd like; the consummation can be replayed again and again. It's in the fossil record, so we can stay in the bittersweet tension/desire moment as long as we like.)
I'm not super invested in the T/T and feel some kind of way about all the content about it on social, but as it turns out, I AM interested in all this content about the content about the content. The commentary here is very interesting to me. I'm not a romance story girlie, but I still love talking about genre and tropes even when it's not my genre and tropes.
This is brilliant and so real. Thank you for your insight ✨
I think we're collectively realizing that a lot of men are downright awful and we're not only being turned off by that but repulsed by their commitment to that bit. So the idea of a seemingly lovely girl, who's been unlucky in love, being unexpectedly pursued by not only a stereotypically beautiful manly man, but one who seems to be a progressive, supportive, confident in himself man? It's quite literally like all of our favorite romance novels come to life. It gives all of us hope that our version of Travis Kelce could also be out there, admiring us from afar and about to shoot their shot.
(As an aside: I have my doubts about the longevity of the relationship, primarily because Travis has this Black man affectation that feels uncomfortable; it reminds me of Justin Timberlake in Britney's memoir, pretending to be this hip-hop wannabe. It feels juvenile to me, like he's trying to be cooler than he is, I would find it grating, but perhaps Taylor has more patience. Regardless, I am rooting for her!)
From what I've read, he actually does have a lot of close friends who are Black. So maybe it is authentic? This is possibly just wishful thinking on my part but time will tell!
Oh he absolutely does; I guess as a white person I'm not certain whether white guys acting like they're Black is eye-rolling levels of offensive or truly problematic (it feels like it should be?). The term "cultural appropriation" comes to mind but I have no idea if Travis' affectation meets that threshold.
Commenting on the 'affectation'- I wonder if he's just picked that up because so many of the people he's around constantly (i.e. football players) are also Black? Like when I was growing up and most of my friends were Korean I got much more familiar with Korean culture and language- although, TBH, I never mimicked mannerisms
I said to my friend just yesterday “I’m concerned Taylor only likes the beginnings of things!” And it was a direct reference to Dr. Faye! I meant I was concerned that we were all getting too invested in this relationship and *we* - the viewing public - would get our collective hopes dashed. Taylor Swift is a billionaire talent extraordinaire who needs no man and has afforded herself the right to do what so many ultra wealthy men have done before her, which is lots of beginnings of things! Still, she is such an image crafting mastermind we want the heteronormative fairy tale to play out before our eyes.
I read a lot of romance books, and watching footage of Taylor and Travis provides the same hopeful feeling of a happily ever after. In complex times, it’s comforting to gravitate towards hope. Their relationship is something to root for, just as we do in romcoms/romance books.