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ohhihellothere's avatar

I am such an evangelist for prioritizing living near people who nourish your spirit. My husband and I lived in Brooklyn pre-pandemic and were totally in love with it. My brother and his wife, who are my best friends, have lived in Chicago for over a decade. My husband and I moved upstate during the pandemic, into a 9-month rental. Honest to god ONE WEEK before we were supposed to move again into another temporary sublet just for the summer, before returning to Brooklyn permanently in the fall, a tree fell on the new house and destroyed it. Coincidentally, the same week the tree crushed the house we were supposed to move into, my brother's upstairs tenants who had been occupying the second unit in the two-flat my brother owns moved out.

My husband and I decided to follow the signs of the universe and load up our tiny car with as much as would fit in the trunk, give our pandemic rescue dog some anxiety meds and a comfy back seat arrangement, and drive from upstate NY to Chicago for what we thought would only be a month or two while we continued to search for an apartment in Brooklyn. We lived in the truly nearly completely empty upstairs apartment unit for the summer of 2021 and I was overwhelmed with joy. We reconnected with a small but extremely close group of friends here. I was crying with happiness frequently, wondering how I would ever be able to choose to leave and return to Brooklyn. 

Fast forward 1.5 years, we are still here. Living upstairs from my best friends has been the most impactful thing on my happiness ever in my life. I've never had such low anxiety, or so much peace and joy. We see each other pretty much everyday, in different ways. Some days I'll just pop in to their apartment on my way outside to walk our dog and let her say hello to my brother and sister-in-law's dog and we sit and chat for a few minutes about how its goin that day. Some days we have dinner together, play games together, go for walks and bike rides together. We dog-sit for each other, we go on trips together, we bring in each other's packages and text "going for a walk in five, anyone want to join?" The whole thing is casual, communal, everyday joy of being near people who make me laugh and feel seen. 

I don't think anything else in my life matters as much as being near loved ones now. The pandemic definitely impacted this, and literally rearranged our lives, but really - I'm like, job ambition? Not that important. Exciting city? Not that important. Seeing my best friends easily, casually, consistently? Life-changing. 

I don’t ever want to move out, which I once felt self-conscious saying. But now I don’t. I’m so happy living like this. It makes sense I don’t want to give it up. It’s hard to push back on the pressures of capitalism and definitions of success based on the nuclear family. But fuck that. I’m going to die someday, and I want to look back on my life and feel that I spent as much time as possible with the people I love, prioritizing joy and my personal values as much as possible. All of the constructed pressures around home ownership, wealth accumulation, job status — none of it inspires genuine peace or gratitude like being in community with the people who fill your heart. At least not for me. And so now I preach the good word — a meaningful social life over everything, if you can make it happen. (I know not everyone can.)

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Kaya's avatar

This piece made me cry, so I think you put your finger directly on a nerve. Especially as a single, childless adult, highly (over?)educated and working in one of the hyperspecialized professions you mentioned, I am only now (age 42) realizing how I have never been able to put down a deep root network, and what that has meant for my life.

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