I've never had anyone SAY anything yet, and once I start working it's all good, but yeah the first shock is just...like, come on! But fashion people are usually the coolest (weirdly, I think, if you're outside fashion) about it. It's the brides that are the worst! Which, incidentally, is why I don't do brides all that often. But I couldn…
I've never had anyone SAY anything yet, and once I start working it's all good, but yeah the first shock is just...like, come on! But fashion people are usually the coolest (weirdly, I think, if you're outside fashion) about it. It's the brides that are the worst! Which, incidentally, is why I don't do brides all that often. But I couldn't imagine having to groom every day for an office job. It just seems pointless to me? I've worked service jobs where I had to wear a uniform, but that's fine, you know? I just don't understand dress codes (especially sexist ones).
Totally agree... I enjoy clothes and fashion, so I've never minded dressing up, but it's a deliberate choice--all the offices I've worked in have been pretty casual. If they actually *expected* me to look super polished and glam, especially if those kinds of expectations only applied to women (which...), I would be outta there.
I posted upthread that (weirdly, given the quarantine timing, and the fact that I'm in my early/mid thirties) I'm kind of getting into makeup for the first time, and I've been enjoying it a lot--but I think that's because it's all very low-stakes, no one is expecting it or really even seeing it, it's experimental, etc. Right now, at least, I feel somewhat relieved from the pressure and expectation of it, and it can just be fun.
(Also, re: your experience, it totally makes sense that fashion people would get it and be professional, while brides would be the worst.)
Yeah, it's the expectations that are the worst! If it's what you choose to do because it gives you joy, I am 100% for dressing up and spending hours on yourself. It can be a lovely, joyful thing to just devote that time to yourself, I think! (I do it with skincare.)
That's so great! It can be a lot of fun experimenting and playing with makeup. I just prefer to do it on other peoples' faces because I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, haha. But I love seeing people ENJOY makeup. It actually hurts when I hear people say that they feel they need it to look a certain way. It SHOULD be fun!
(And yeah, in fashion everyone is a weirdo, anyway, so there isn't a lot of judgement. Except for the poor models, but that's another thing entirely... I think because brides themselves usually feel pressured to look a certain way for their wedding, they kind of vent it - usually unconsciously, so I try not to take it too personally - onto everyone around them. I have so much respect for the MUAs who only do brides!)
This is a great point you're both making about expectations.
My dressing and grooming hasn't changed at all in Quarantime, and from my discussions with other folx, this seems to be unusual. I've worked from home for a few years, and given some slow thought in that time to how that's allowed me to suss out what I feel comfortable and confident wearing.
I was surprised at first to see the grooming discussion beginning to happen earlier this year. By now, I'm just delighted with it. Watching so many folks get to think about this and figure out how THEY are comfortable and confident is a joy. God knows, we need joy where we can find it right now.
This is something I'm enjoying as well! What I'm enjoying less is all the fat jokes though. Plus the "oh no, we're coming out of lockdown, quick, to the mirror!" panic I've seen in so many people. I just wish there was a way to sustain the joy. In some cases it almost seems worse? Possibly because some people (mostly women, I think) who are horrified at how they've "let themselves go" and instead of remembering how freeing it could be to just let go of what was un-fun, they're policing themselves more rigidly. It's almost like expectations are higher because they disappeared for a while. It's disappointing, certainly.
Yes! A very good point. The "letting myself go" narrative is happening to me too, in insidious ways I didn't notice at first.
How do we get beyond this? I don't know, but calling attention to it, gently but insistently, seems important. Balancing that attention with not judging ourselves too harshly (which I am 100% inclined to do, e.g. "This is patriarchy b.s.; why can't I let it go already?!") is complicated. But I guess the only way we're going to (maybe) solve it, or at least ameliorate it, is to blunder on forward and try to live our best and freest expectations.
I've never had anyone SAY anything yet, and once I start working it's all good, but yeah the first shock is just...like, come on! But fashion people are usually the coolest (weirdly, I think, if you're outside fashion) about it. It's the brides that are the worst! Which, incidentally, is why I don't do brides all that often. But I couldn't imagine having to groom every day for an office job. It just seems pointless to me? I've worked service jobs where I had to wear a uniform, but that's fine, you know? I just don't understand dress codes (especially sexist ones).
Totally agree... I enjoy clothes and fashion, so I've never minded dressing up, but it's a deliberate choice--all the offices I've worked in have been pretty casual. If they actually *expected* me to look super polished and glam, especially if those kinds of expectations only applied to women (which...), I would be outta there.
I posted upthread that (weirdly, given the quarantine timing, and the fact that I'm in my early/mid thirties) I'm kind of getting into makeup for the first time, and I've been enjoying it a lot--but I think that's because it's all very low-stakes, no one is expecting it or really even seeing it, it's experimental, etc. Right now, at least, I feel somewhat relieved from the pressure and expectation of it, and it can just be fun.
(Also, re: your experience, it totally makes sense that fashion people would get it and be professional, while brides would be the worst.)
Yeah, it's the expectations that are the worst! If it's what you choose to do because it gives you joy, I am 100% for dressing up and spending hours on yourself. It can be a lovely, joyful thing to just devote that time to yourself, I think! (I do it with skincare.)
That's so great! It can be a lot of fun experimenting and playing with makeup. I just prefer to do it on other peoples' faces because I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, haha. But I love seeing people ENJOY makeup. It actually hurts when I hear people say that they feel they need it to look a certain way. It SHOULD be fun!
(And yeah, in fashion everyone is a weirdo, anyway, so there isn't a lot of judgement. Except for the poor models, but that's another thing entirely... I think because brides themselves usually feel pressured to look a certain way for their wedding, they kind of vent it - usually unconsciously, so I try not to take it too personally - onto everyone around them. I have so much respect for the MUAs who only do brides!)
This is a great point you're both making about expectations.
My dressing and grooming hasn't changed at all in Quarantime, and from my discussions with other folx, this seems to be unusual. I've worked from home for a few years, and given some slow thought in that time to how that's allowed me to suss out what I feel comfortable and confident wearing.
I was surprised at first to see the grooming discussion beginning to happen earlier this year. By now, I'm just delighted with it. Watching so many folks get to think about this and figure out how THEY are comfortable and confident is a joy. God knows, we need joy where we can find it right now.
This is something I'm enjoying as well! What I'm enjoying less is all the fat jokes though. Plus the "oh no, we're coming out of lockdown, quick, to the mirror!" panic I've seen in so many people. I just wish there was a way to sustain the joy. In some cases it almost seems worse? Possibly because some people (mostly women, I think) who are horrified at how they've "let themselves go" and instead of remembering how freeing it could be to just let go of what was un-fun, they're policing themselves more rigidly. It's almost like expectations are higher because they disappeared for a while. It's disappointing, certainly.
Yes! A very good point. The "letting myself go" narrative is happening to me too, in insidious ways I didn't notice at first.
How do we get beyond this? I don't know, but calling attention to it, gently but insistently, seems important. Balancing that attention with not judging ourselves too harshly (which I am 100% inclined to do, e.g. "This is patriarchy b.s.; why can't I let it go already?!") is complicated. But I guess the only way we're going to (maybe) solve it, or at least ameliorate it, is to blunder on forward and try to live our best and freest expectations.
Yes, you're exactly right.