This is the Sunday edition of Culture Study — the newsletter from Anne Helen Petersen, which you can read about here. If you like it and want more like it in your inbox, consider subscribing.
"It was the first of many times that I realized that no one is thinking about you quite in the way you’re thinking about yourself." For me, needing to wear glasses and getting a new pair of glasses from time to time is such a confirmation of this. The shape, size, style, and color can be entirely different: almost no one will notice. No one thinks about your face/appearance the way you think about your face/appearance.
I remember getting to college & being the only one of the athlete girls on my hall who knew how to put makeup on - specifically eyeliner, on upper & lower lids, which I would not be seen without. All the girls came to my room for makeup & asked “how do you know how to do this?” I assumed everyone wore a full face of makeup in high school. And oh the many times I woke up before whatever boy I was dating to apply makeup & crawl back in bed before he woke up.
Having not worn so much as mascara since March, I feel so, so free from all of it.
I realize more and more, the older I get that gender presentation can be such a family dependent/family culture thing. My mother said recently, in a discussion ranging on many other things, that she's always found acting her gender to be "exhausting". What I know about her high school self is defined around two things: that she spent 4 years in the same jean jacket and hat with a red star on it (it the 70s); and that she had and had had years of fights about clothing and hair and appearance before that with her mother.* She (and I) are creatures of routine, but it never extended to hair and makeup; it was never anything she taught me, and it was too much of a hassle by the time I was 14 or 15 to really learn it for myself. We're both on the spectrum, and while there are certain aspects of cis-womanhood-masking that have stuck (the simpler bits, like dresses and shoes), others resolutely haven't. Both my aunts that I am close with have treated it as voluntary, rather that compulsory. (And said grandmother has calmed down A Lot since 1972; she may find it vaguely shocking that I have tattoos, but it's not a Family Crisis.)
The few times I've experimented with having a makeup routine have been in the stressful early Obligatory Self phases of new jobs or after moves; and when I realized just how little anyone was paying attention to it (or anyone that I cared about paying attention to it), things reverted. Hair is only slightly more complicated, but I veer between its current "grow it to the floor" project (which has been good for quarantine) and "cut it all off periodically" (which also involved being blond for 5 years). Which both require only the minimum of my own daily effort and energy (yay hair genes).
I don't know about y'all, but I'm looking forward to the extensive googling that I'll be doing tonight to try to find some authentic 90s era Umbro shorts.
It's interesting reading your take on this issue. My female friends and I have been talking off and on about what they have or have not done regarding to makeup, hair, etc. during lockdown. There's no nice way to say it but I haven't worn makeup since I was a teenager and I don't shave. I have no desire to but because I do not, I end up having to justify why not more often than not and quite often to complete strangers (often other women!).
The compulsion to wear makeup and to invest how many hours and countless dollars into is also tied to a neoliberal understanding of the current makeup cult(ure). Wanting to 'look good' by wearing makeup or 'grooming' has never existed within an individualized vacuum, more often than not when you dig down deep enough and ask that 'why' it's wanting to be seen as acceptable or to prevent a certain amount of social ridicule (I'm aware you get this issue I just need to get it off of my chest).
I think part of the shift too though needs to be that women - not shaving, not wearing makeup, not consciously performing how they've been gendered by society - are just non-behaviours. Not wanting to engage with the artifice or refusing gender performance for whatever reason, is just women existing as women. As women, we've been taught that performing is more important than us simply existing as we are, and I'm tired of it tbh
I'm a commercial/editorial makeup artist (or I was...dont know when I will be again?) and EVERY time the client/talent would be shocked when they saw me, because I'm fat, wear comfy clothes, don't remove my body hair and the only makeup I wear is a whatever fun lip product I wanted, be it black, red or nude. The expectation that MUAs would be "perfectly" groomed and dressed and made-up is exhausting. And it's EVERY time I work with someone new. And it's still worse when I work bridal.
That does sound exhausting. I guess clients assume that the artist's personal presentation has some bearing on their skill, which is understandable but not really fair. I can definitely see how that would drain the joy out of it (aside from the fun lip products!).
I've never had anyone SAY anything yet, and once I start working it's all good, but yeah the first shock is just...like, come on! But fashion people are usually the coolest (weirdly, I think, if you're outside fashion) about it. It's the brides that are the worst! Which, incidentally, is why I don't do brides all that often. But I couldn't imagine having to groom every day for an office job. It just seems pointless to me? I've worked service jobs where I had to wear a uniform, but that's fine, you know? I just don't understand dress codes (especially sexist ones).
Totally agree... I enjoy clothes and fashion, so I've never minded dressing up, but it's a deliberate choice--all the offices I've worked in have been pretty casual. If they actually *expected* me to look super polished and glam, especially if those kinds of expectations only applied to women (which...), I would be outta there.
I posted upthread that (weirdly, given the quarantine timing, and the fact that I'm in my early/mid thirties) I'm kind of getting into makeup for the first time, and I've been enjoying it a lot--but I think that's because it's all very low-stakes, no one is expecting it or really even seeing it, it's experimental, etc. Right now, at least, I feel somewhat relieved from the pressure and expectation of it, and it can just be fun.
(Also, re: your experience, it totally makes sense that fashion people would get it and be professional, while brides would be the worst.)
Yeah, it's the expectations that are the worst! If it's what you choose to do because it gives you joy, I am 100% for dressing up and spending hours on yourself. It can be a lovely, joyful thing to just devote that time to yourself, I think! (I do it with skincare.)
That's so great! It can be a lot of fun experimenting and playing with makeup. I just prefer to do it on other peoples' faces because I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, haha. But I love seeing people ENJOY makeup. It actually hurts when I hear people say that they feel they need it to look a certain way. It SHOULD be fun!
(And yeah, in fashion everyone is a weirdo, anyway, so there isn't a lot of judgement. Except for the poor models, but that's another thing entirely... I think because brides themselves usually feel pressured to look a certain way for their wedding, they kind of vent it - usually unconsciously, so I try not to take it too personally - onto everyone around them. I have so much respect for the MUAs who only do brides!)
This is a great point you're both making about expectations.
My dressing and grooming hasn't changed at all in Quarantime, and from my discussions with other folx, this seems to be unusual. I've worked from home for a few years, and given some slow thought in that time to how that's allowed me to suss out what I feel comfortable and confident wearing.
I was surprised at first to see the grooming discussion beginning to happen earlier this year. By now, I'm just delighted with it. Watching so many folks get to think about this and figure out how THEY are comfortable and confident is a joy. God knows, we need joy where we can find it right now.
This is something I'm enjoying as well! What I'm enjoying less is all the fat jokes though. Plus the "oh no, we're coming out of lockdown, quick, to the mirror!" panic I've seen in so many people. I just wish there was a way to sustain the joy. In some cases it almost seems worse? Possibly because some people (mostly women, I think) who are horrified at how they've "let themselves go" and instead of remembering how freeing it could be to just let go of what was un-fun, they're policing themselves more rigidly. It's almost like expectations are higher because they disappeared for a while. It's disappointing, certainly.
Really appreciated this and the comments. I feel like there has been a sort of shift in the Quarantine Winds lately (change of season, maybe?) and people are starting to return to these pre-COVID beauty rituals. I'm having a sort of opposite experience of what is described here, although it still resonated: I'm suddenly interested in makeup for basically the first time, other than my Obligatory Mascara--I'm a redhead with invisible eyelashes and I haven't been seen without mascara since I was like, 12. Now I'm north of 30, and can't really rely on my youthfulness/good genes anymore to make me feel like I look good and presentable. (And not even those things make it bearable to stare at myself on Zoom all day.)
"I was effectively policing her through my own grooming choices." This line FLOORED me. What a perfect encapsulation of my relationship with my mom and my body image. She never wore makeup growing up and didn't really know how to put it on, so I taught myself (rudimentarily) in high school so that I at least could "look right." But I was a weirdo so I wasn't too into making it look pretty, just interesting (think bright eyeshadow, and later on, black lipstick). In college I stopped shaving and never looked back, a fact that she despises to this day. Which is her policing me right back -- she has chosen the comfort of presenting in a more butch manner throughout her life and transgresses conventional femininity by not wearing makeup and by having short hair, but when i do the same thing via not shaving, it is A Problem. Even when I shaved my head the first time and basically looked identical to her (a whole 'nother internal/external crisis), she was upset because I'd cut my hair "too short" aka one guard size smaller on the buzzer than she gets hers done.
I was lucky to have mostly let go of the make-up ritual as a young adult. For a while I'd put on make up for special occasions, but really loved not worrying if I had smeared anything, unconsciously scratching or touching my face, or crying with laughter. I stopped shaving my legs in my 30s, and fell in love with how my leg hair feels blowing in the wind, or how the sunshine plays on their little blonde curls. (Lol!)
Early in the lock down I'd lose track of when I showered last, but the ferns I grow in the shower complained, so I shower most days. For them, and the humid environment they need. I keep up with haircuts, but haven't worn pants since March. I still might have make-up... somewhere.
"It was the first of many times that I realized that no one is thinking about you quite in the way you’re thinking about yourself." For me, needing to wear glasses and getting a new pair of glasses from time to time is such a confirmation of this. The shape, size, style, and color can be entirely different: almost no one will notice. No one thinks about your face/appearance the way you think about your face/appearance.
I remember getting to college & being the only one of the athlete girls on my hall who knew how to put makeup on - specifically eyeliner, on upper & lower lids, which I would not be seen without. All the girls came to my room for makeup & asked “how do you know how to do this?” I assumed everyone wore a full face of makeup in high school. And oh the many times I woke up before whatever boy I was dating to apply makeup & crawl back in bed before he woke up.
Having not worn so much as mascara since March, I feel so, so free from all of it.
I realize more and more, the older I get that gender presentation can be such a family dependent/family culture thing. My mother said recently, in a discussion ranging on many other things, that she's always found acting her gender to be "exhausting". What I know about her high school self is defined around two things: that she spent 4 years in the same jean jacket and hat with a red star on it (it the 70s); and that she had and had had years of fights about clothing and hair and appearance before that with her mother.* She (and I) are creatures of routine, but it never extended to hair and makeup; it was never anything she taught me, and it was too much of a hassle by the time I was 14 or 15 to really learn it for myself. We're both on the spectrum, and while there are certain aspects of cis-womanhood-masking that have stuck (the simpler bits, like dresses and shoes), others resolutely haven't. Both my aunts that I am close with have treated it as voluntary, rather that compulsory. (And said grandmother has calmed down A Lot since 1972; she may find it vaguely shocking that I have tattoos, but it's not a Family Crisis.)
The few times I've experimented with having a makeup routine have been in the stressful early Obligatory Self phases of new jobs or after moves; and when I realized just how little anyone was paying attention to it (or anyone that I cared about paying attention to it), things reverted. Hair is only slightly more complicated, but I veer between its current "grow it to the floor" project (which has been good for quarantine) and "cut it all off periodically" (which also involved being blond for 5 years). Which both require only the minimum of my own daily effort and energy (yay hair genes).
I don't know about y'all, but I'm looking forward to the extensive googling that I'll be doing tonight to try to find some authentic 90s era Umbro shorts.
no googling necessary they're right there at Urban Outfitters!
It's interesting reading your take on this issue. My female friends and I have been talking off and on about what they have or have not done regarding to makeup, hair, etc. during lockdown. There's no nice way to say it but I haven't worn makeup since I was a teenager and I don't shave. I have no desire to but because I do not, I end up having to justify why not more often than not and quite often to complete strangers (often other women!).
The compulsion to wear makeup and to invest how many hours and countless dollars into is also tied to a neoliberal understanding of the current makeup cult(ure). Wanting to 'look good' by wearing makeup or 'grooming' has never existed within an individualized vacuum, more often than not when you dig down deep enough and ask that 'why' it's wanting to be seen as acceptable or to prevent a certain amount of social ridicule (I'm aware you get this issue I just need to get it off of my chest).
I think part of the shift too though needs to be that women - not shaving, not wearing makeup, not consciously performing how they've been gendered by society - are just non-behaviours. Not wanting to engage with the artifice or refusing gender performance for whatever reason, is just women existing as women. As women, we've been taught that performing is more important than us simply existing as we are, and I'm tired of it tbh
I'm a commercial/editorial makeup artist (or I was...dont know when I will be again?) and EVERY time the client/talent would be shocked when they saw me, because I'm fat, wear comfy clothes, don't remove my body hair and the only makeup I wear is a whatever fun lip product I wanted, be it black, red or nude. The expectation that MUAs would be "perfectly" groomed and dressed and made-up is exhausting. And it's EVERY time I work with someone new. And it's still worse when I work bridal.
That does sound exhausting. I guess clients assume that the artist's personal presentation has some bearing on their skill, which is understandable but not really fair. I can definitely see how that would drain the joy out of it (aside from the fun lip products!).
I've never had anyone SAY anything yet, and once I start working it's all good, but yeah the first shock is just...like, come on! But fashion people are usually the coolest (weirdly, I think, if you're outside fashion) about it. It's the brides that are the worst! Which, incidentally, is why I don't do brides all that often. But I couldn't imagine having to groom every day for an office job. It just seems pointless to me? I've worked service jobs where I had to wear a uniform, but that's fine, you know? I just don't understand dress codes (especially sexist ones).
Totally agree... I enjoy clothes and fashion, so I've never minded dressing up, but it's a deliberate choice--all the offices I've worked in have been pretty casual. If they actually *expected* me to look super polished and glam, especially if those kinds of expectations only applied to women (which...), I would be outta there.
I posted upthread that (weirdly, given the quarantine timing, and the fact that I'm in my early/mid thirties) I'm kind of getting into makeup for the first time, and I've been enjoying it a lot--but I think that's because it's all very low-stakes, no one is expecting it or really even seeing it, it's experimental, etc. Right now, at least, I feel somewhat relieved from the pressure and expectation of it, and it can just be fun.
(Also, re: your experience, it totally makes sense that fashion people would get it and be professional, while brides would be the worst.)
Yeah, it's the expectations that are the worst! If it's what you choose to do because it gives you joy, I am 100% for dressing up and spending hours on yourself. It can be a lovely, joyful thing to just devote that time to yourself, I think! (I do it with skincare.)
That's so great! It can be a lot of fun experimenting and playing with makeup. I just prefer to do it on other peoples' faces because I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, haha. But I love seeing people ENJOY makeup. It actually hurts when I hear people say that they feel they need it to look a certain way. It SHOULD be fun!
(And yeah, in fashion everyone is a weirdo, anyway, so there isn't a lot of judgement. Except for the poor models, but that's another thing entirely... I think because brides themselves usually feel pressured to look a certain way for their wedding, they kind of vent it - usually unconsciously, so I try not to take it too personally - onto everyone around them. I have so much respect for the MUAs who only do brides!)
This is a great point you're both making about expectations.
My dressing and grooming hasn't changed at all in Quarantime, and from my discussions with other folx, this seems to be unusual. I've worked from home for a few years, and given some slow thought in that time to how that's allowed me to suss out what I feel comfortable and confident wearing.
I was surprised at first to see the grooming discussion beginning to happen earlier this year. By now, I'm just delighted with it. Watching so many folks get to think about this and figure out how THEY are comfortable and confident is a joy. God knows, we need joy where we can find it right now.
This is something I'm enjoying as well! What I'm enjoying less is all the fat jokes though. Plus the "oh no, we're coming out of lockdown, quick, to the mirror!" panic I've seen in so many people. I just wish there was a way to sustain the joy. In some cases it almost seems worse? Possibly because some people (mostly women, I think) who are horrified at how they've "let themselves go" and instead of remembering how freeing it could be to just let go of what was un-fun, they're policing themselves more rigidly. It's almost like expectations are higher because they disappeared for a while. It's disappointing, certainly.
Really appreciated this and the comments. I feel like there has been a sort of shift in the Quarantine Winds lately (change of season, maybe?) and people are starting to return to these pre-COVID beauty rituals. I'm having a sort of opposite experience of what is described here, although it still resonated: I'm suddenly interested in makeup for basically the first time, other than my Obligatory Mascara--I'm a redhead with invisible eyelashes and I haven't been seen without mascara since I was like, 12. Now I'm north of 30, and can't really rely on my youthfulness/good genes anymore to make me feel like I look good and presentable. (And not even those things make it bearable to stare at myself on Zoom all day.)
"I was effectively policing her through my own grooming choices." This line FLOORED me. What a perfect encapsulation of my relationship with my mom and my body image. She never wore makeup growing up and didn't really know how to put it on, so I taught myself (rudimentarily) in high school so that I at least could "look right." But I was a weirdo so I wasn't too into making it look pretty, just interesting (think bright eyeshadow, and later on, black lipstick). In college I stopped shaving and never looked back, a fact that she despises to this day. Which is her policing me right back -- she has chosen the comfort of presenting in a more butch manner throughout her life and transgresses conventional femininity by not wearing makeup and by having short hair, but when i do the same thing via not shaving, it is A Problem. Even when I shaved my head the first time and basically looked identical to her (a whole 'nother internal/external crisis), she was upset because I'd cut my hair "too short" aka one guard size smaller on the buzzer than she gets hers done.
I was lucky to have mostly let go of the make-up ritual as a young adult. For a while I'd put on make up for special occasions, but really loved not worrying if I had smeared anything, unconsciously scratching or touching my face, or crying with laughter. I stopped shaving my legs in my 30s, and fell in love with how my leg hair feels blowing in the wind, or how the sunshine plays on their little blonde curls. (Lol!)
Early in the lock down I'd lose track of when I showered last, but the ferns I grow in the shower complained, so I shower most days. For them, and the humid environment they need. I keep up with haircuts, but haven't worn pants since March. I still might have make-up... somewhere.
Ok, I LOVE that you have ferns in your shower.