I think as with so many other issues, the solution to finding teen babysitters is cultivating community. I have a 3.5 year old and have found several teen babysitters for her over the years through my community - a friend’s young cousin, my yoga teacher’s daughter, etc. My expectations for an occasional babysitter are low - basically jus…
I think as with so many other issues, the solution to finding teen babysitters is cultivating community. I have a 3.5 year old and have found several teen babysitters for her over the years through my community - a friend’s young cousin, my yoga teacher’s daughter, etc. My expectations for an occasional babysitter are low - basically just keep my kid alive and relatively entertained for a few hours.
I myself did a ton of babysitting as a teenager because I have 4 younger siblings, in addition to babysitting for neighbors and people from church. It was never something I particularly liked doing or sought out, and I don’t think I was good at it. I never really resented it, though. It was just something I did.
Reading this essay struck me the same way. Community is always the answer to a Culture Study question! :)
When we lived in a large city, we never even considered hiring a teen babysitter because we didn't know a single teen! But now that we've moved to a suburb, we are in this delightful community that really emphasizes getting to know and socializing with your neighbors. Our neighborhood newsletter lists teens willing to babysit, petsit, do yard work, etc. We've used that resource, but we've also just approached the parents of teens on our block and asked if their kids are interested. It's always been a yes! It helps that we live in a walkable community so younger teens or teens without a license/car can still babysit easily. We've found a lot of younger teens are more excited and willing to babysit, plus have fewer commitments. (Also: check the night of prom before you plan a big spring party!)
Growing up we had a babysitter who was everyone's favorite-she lived one street over so she could walk herself over and home, even in the dark. Her younger sister was decidedly the B squad. Sometimes when the parents on our street were all attending the same party, they would hire both of them and send all us kids to one house for the evening. We'd be carried home half asleep by our parents at the end of the night. I have some great memories of those nights!!
Agree on the burbs! Our town does a Girl Scout hang night where you can drop your kids off for $25 a kid to hang with the scouts, leading games and crafts in a Main Street store front. Burbs can be so great! I feel like it is a very lame secret we unlocked.
I am a former sitter who staffed such parties and can vouch they are some very good memories from our side, too. Definitely in the "foundational responsibility" category to be like 14 alongside your bestie managing a basement teeming with 2-8 year olds. I am convinced this contributed to my radical sense of under-whelm upon going to American college, where 20 year olds are sort of allowed to act like///are treated like adolescents. I'd been taken so seriously as a sitter aged 12-18 (as soon as I got my license I was driving parents' and teachers' cars all around town to pick up and chauffeur kids). I hated feeling like I'd regressed in perceived maturity!
Community is absolutely the answer. Because the one point that I haven't seen reflected is how rare it can be to actually know kids outside of your kids' age ranges if you aren't intentional about building that community. I've had babysitters for my kids, who were my friend's older kids. But I've also noticed how rare that can be. If, for example, you start having kids at 30+ and live in a place where most people start having kids soon after high school or college, you might not know those teens well enough to feel comfortable with them or for their parents to feel comfortable sending their kid to your house, even for a job. A lot of parents can be insular, preferring to make friends based off school, which will shut you out if your kids are younger and closer in age.
yeah, this is so so so real. Birthday parties don't help. (lol fucking birthday parties! a whole sub thread! why do we worry more about how many flavors of seltzer we stock in the cooler than whether there are activities that don't require our and 15 other adults' direct supervision?!)
anyway I still can't get over the annual bday party one of my bestie throws where she invites all the important kids in her kiddo's life, which has been a mixed-age neighborhood crew since birth. and it's just kickball at the walkable park. Without fail every year some parent expresses confusion about "what's happening" as if we need an agenda, and wonders aloud "who these kids are" because they're not in their kid's school class, etc. ahhh! so silly! and also sad!
I was thinking exactly this. The problem for us, and most other mothers I know in our medium sized city in the Intermountain west, is that they don’t know any teens to call. Having left the religion of my upbringing it feels like spaces where intergenerational relationships exist like this are few and far between (or non existent?). In our case, we happen to live on a street with 2 11-year olds who just started babysitting this year and it has been THE DREAM. We have 2 children 5 and under and it’s so great to be able to give the girls across the street the experience and our kids a chance to be cared for by someone else. That being said, our neighbors down the street with kids slightly older than ours have never used the sitters, and have said it’s because they just don’t feel comfortable with their age. They also tend toward more intensive parenting across many topics/areas. Anyway, I do think we’re maybe not the norm but I find that sad for all the same reasons AHP describes here.
really cool you're giving the 11 year olds this chance to feel responsible as they're capable of being, and to model for your <5 kiddos what bigger kids are capable of.
My fave 12 year old recently asked me "what does it mean to be grown up?" and we had a couple of conversations over a couple of days about parsing through "things that are part of being a grown up" versus different kinds of responsibilities and accountability that can be assumed at different ages/stages. She is a hugely caring and resourceful presence as the oldest of 4 kids, and our conversations (and her ongoing ones with other adults in her life and w/ her parents who also left the religion of their upbring and are hardcore rebuilding from scratch!) were a sweet way to work through ideas about how 12 year olds can and should be seen as accountable and capable of many things, and they are also not yet full-grown grown-ups and therefore are neither accountable nor capable of other things.
Anyway, keep on keeping on, you awesome parent doing hard re-building work!
re: intergen relationships outside church. phew, yeah, damn. I've had the best luck at local libraries (w/ younger kiddos and elders happenstance interactions or facilitated via like reading hours); in garden spaces and outdoor community work events (i.e. family-friendly brush/trail/park clean-up type stuff); and inviting older neighbors to things like birthday parties or just to sit in the backyard for an hour while kids play, it makes the older folks feel included just to be physically a low-key observational part of younger life :)
I think as with so many other issues, the solution to finding teen babysitters is cultivating community. I have a 3.5 year old and have found several teen babysitters for her over the years through my community - a friend’s young cousin, my yoga teacher’s daughter, etc. My expectations for an occasional babysitter are low - basically just keep my kid alive and relatively entertained for a few hours.
I myself did a ton of babysitting as a teenager because I have 4 younger siblings, in addition to babysitting for neighbors and people from church. It was never something I particularly liked doing or sought out, and I don’t think I was good at it. I never really resented it, though. It was just something I did.
Reading this essay struck me the same way. Community is always the answer to a Culture Study question! :)
When we lived in a large city, we never even considered hiring a teen babysitter because we didn't know a single teen! But now that we've moved to a suburb, we are in this delightful community that really emphasizes getting to know and socializing with your neighbors. Our neighborhood newsletter lists teens willing to babysit, petsit, do yard work, etc. We've used that resource, but we've also just approached the parents of teens on our block and asked if their kids are interested. It's always been a yes! It helps that we live in a walkable community so younger teens or teens without a license/car can still babysit easily. We've found a lot of younger teens are more excited and willing to babysit, plus have fewer commitments. (Also: check the night of prom before you plan a big spring party!)
Growing up we had a babysitter who was everyone's favorite-she lived one street over so she could walk herself over and home, even in the dark. Her younger sister was decidedly the B squad. Sometimes when the parents on our street were all attending the same party, they would hire both of them and send all us kids to one house for the evening. We'd be carried home half asleep by our parents at the end of the night. I have some great memories of those nights!!
Agree on the burbs! Our town does a Girl Scout hang night where you can drop your kids off for $25 a kid to hang with the scouts, leading games and crafts in a Main Street store front. Burbs can be so great! I feel like it is a very lame secret we unlocked.
What! This is brilliant.
I am a former sitter who staffed such parties and can vouch they are some very good memories from our side, too. Definitely in the "foundational responsibility" category to be like 14 alongside your bestie managing a basement teeming with 2-8 year olds. I am convinced this contributed to my radical sense of under-whelm upon going to American college, where 20 year olds are sort of allowed to act like///are treated like adolescents. I'd been taken so seriously as a sitter aged 12-18 (as soon as I got my license I was driving parents' and teachers' cars all around town to pick up and chauffeur kids). I hated feeling like I'd regressed in perceived maturity!
Community is absolutely the answer. Because the one point that I haven't seen reflected is how rare it can be to actually know kids outside of your kids' age ranges if you aren't intentional about building that community. I've had babysitters for my kids, who were my friend's older kids. But I've also noticed how rare that can be. If, for example, you start having kids at 30+ and live in a place where most people start having kids soon after high school or college, you might not know those teens well enough to feel comfortable with them or for their parents to feel comfortable sending their kid to your house, even for a job. A lot of parents can be insular, preferring to make friends based off school, which will shut you out if your kids are younger and closer in age.
yeah, this is so so so real. Birthday parties don't help. (lol fucking birthday parties! a whole sub thread! why do we worry more about how many flavors of seltzer we stock in the cooler than whether there are activities that don't require our and 15 other adults' direct supervision?!)
anyway I still can't get over the annual bday party one of my bestie throws where she invites all the important kids in her kiddo's life, which has been a mixed-age neighborhood crew since birth. and it's just kickball at the walkable park. Without fail every year some parent expresses confusion about "what's happening" as if we need an agenda, and wonders aloud "who these kids are" because they're not in their kid's school class, etc. ahhh! so silly! and also sad!
I was thinking exactly this. The problem for us, and most other mothers I know in our medium sized city in the Intermountain west, is that they don’t know any teens to call. Having left the religion of my upbringing it feels like spaces where intergenerational relationships exist like this are few and far between (or non existent?). In our case, we happen to live on a street with 2 11-year olds who just started babysitting this year and it has been THE DREAM. We have 2 children 5 and under and it’s so great to be able to give the girls across the street the experience and our kids a chance to be cared for by someone else. That being said, our neighbors down the street with kids slightly older than ours have never used the sitters, and have said it’s because they just don’t feel comfortable with their age. They also tend toward more intensive parenting across many topics/areas. Anyway, I do think we’re maybe not the norm but I find that sad for all the same reasons AHP describes here.
really cool you're giving the 11 year olds this chance to feel responsible as they're capable of being, and to model for your <5 kiddos what bigger kids are capable of.
My fave 12 year old recently asked me "what does it mean to be grown up?" and we had a couple of conversations over a couple of days about parsing through "things that are part of being a grown up" versus different kinds of responsibilities and accountability that can be assumed at different ages/stages. She is a hugely caring and resourceful presence as the oldest of 4 kids, and our conversations (and her ongoing ones with other adults in her life and w/ her parents who also left the religion of their upbring and are hardcore rebuilding from scratch!) were a sweet way to work through ideas about how 12 year olds can and should be seen as accountable and capable of many things, and they are also not yet full-grown grown-ups and therefore are neither accountable nor capable of other things.
Anyway, keep on keeping on, you awesome parent doing hard re-building work!
re: intergen relationships outside church. phew, yeah, damn. I've had the best luck at local libraries (w/ younger kiddos and elders happenstance interactions or facilitated via like reading hours); in garden spaces and outdoor community work events (i.e. family-friendly brush/trail/park clean-up type stuff); and inviting older neighbors to things like birthday parties or just to sit in the backyard for an hour while kids play, it makes the older folks feel included just to be physically a low-key observational part of younger life :)