“It’s watching power refine and reproduce itself. You get to see exactly how the status quo stays the way it does. Of course we can’t look away.”
100% this. I will watch any documentary or read any book in the category “deep dive into opaque, high-control subculture.” Add to that being a former pom and ballet dancer extremely familiar with the practice of performative femininity and I just want this content injected directly into my veins.
The pressure-cooker/hothouse environment of a deeply specific subculture is just instantly interesting. It's like all the messier parts of what make us human--the need to fit in, jostling for attention, the unspoken rules, the desire to be cool but the fact that we can't look like we're caring too much--all burst out in their most dramatic form. It's so interesting, whether it's a cult or an elite sport or the kpop industry or whatever.
Every year #rushtok captivates me, and I hated rush myself. Rushing a sorority was by far one of the most humbling experiences I've ever had, and not for the better. Yet, being in a sorority was one of the most important and rewarding ones-- and I've been out for a decade! Recruitment is not sorority life, and most alumni would agree.
If you're in it for the right reasons, recruitment is a blip on your radar as a sorority girl. The day-in, day-out routine of living, eating, studying, bathing, gossiping, fighting, and watching TV with 100+ young women looks nothing like this highly polished and choreographed iteration of Being In A Sorority. The OU Kappas are capturing this in perhaps the most honest way I've seen.
Sorority girls, when not being filmed for content, are.... girls. They are weird and gross and insecure and come from all walks of life. They are funny as hell and sharp and, yeah, a little conceited, but who isn't? I attended an SEC school (2011-2015, so the height of TFM and the like), and even then, I was enamored by the performance of being a sorority girl vs. the reality of being one. Within the chapter house, we were loud and crude and honest. Once we left-- you're always wearing your letters, IYKYK-- we became less of ourselves so we could fit the larger mold of sorority girl established for us by generations before.
Every year when rush rolls around, I wonder, "What would sororities be if we didn't have these expectations to live up to?" For me, being in a sorority was a safe place to learn and grow because it was an intensely female space that, by the way, there aren't a lot of! Schools that do informal NPC recruitment and the NPHC organizations know this inherently. Community and belonging can't be fostered through performance, but rather, through relationships and honesty.
OMG this. These are the kinds of places that enforce culture norms from the 1950s. Where the whole point is excluding others, and on the most superficial premises as well. Gotta admit, I hate read the whole thing.
Same-- Judy and Kelli were effectively avatars for a decades-old beauty standard, and in Greek life, that standard is upheld by women of a similar generation at the national level. As a SEC sorority alum myself, I could go on for days about how the expectation of womanhood is firmly rooted in a different era, but with today's products tossed in to make it more modern.
The fact that the mothers of Judy and Kelli’s generation seemed to “inspire” their daughters to want it gave me the ick. Especially as they know it’s more demanding than it used to be, social media changes it all, etc. It’s fascinating how Bama rush, DCC, and #tradwives coverage unearth so many of the same (absolutely foreign to me) themes.
Exactly my reaction! I started to wonder while reading this how many Bama rush girls have tried out for DCC. It’s the next step, with a lot more athletic/dance skills.
As a southerner who grew up around SEC culture, I just have to say that Bama's color is crimson (maroon is Mississippi State). I only point it out because that's like mixing up Cartier and Kendra Scott! 😂
I am going to have to change this immediately because WOW what an oversight on my part (although I will say it's weird to describe an everyday color that you see on the street as CRIMSON but I get it)
We could really dedicate a whole week or more to just SEC culture. I think it’s especially interesting this year with Texas and Oklahoma joining. Like they’re both southern but they aren’t SEC culture
YES this would be amazing. Even a branch off of SCE Greek life that isn’t Alabama. I was a DG at Auburn and it’s sooo different than Alabama or Ole Miss.
Many probably don't realize that the phrase "Roll Tide" is short for "Crimson Tide" and the color is essentially red. I only know all the lingo and colors due to growing up in rural Alabama where most people thought of Bama as just a football team rather than a university.😆
I did the same when seeing the word maroon, Sam.😄 I also went to Auburn, although sadly transferred to UAB for a specific major not available at Auburn. It pains me that I technically have to say that I graduated from the University of AL, even though not the one in Tuscaloosa, haha.
Being from Alabama and hearing about Bama all my life (did not even consider going there for 1 second, haha) I had the same thought when seeing the color described as maroon. Thinking of the horror of the Crimson Tide being confused with the colors of Mississippi State (and now Texas A&M also), made me laugh though.🤣
Yay, my dreams are coming true, AHP is writing about the Machine!!! As I scrolled through your Rush Tok Insta last year, I was hoping you'd been clued in to the real systems of power behind all this. I pledged a "top" sorority at Alabama in the late 80's, at a time when it was so low-key, I think my Mom spent less $50 on some t-shirt dresses with appliquéd ribbons on them, and that was it for my rush wardrobe. I had almost no stress about it, mostly because I had gone to one of the feeder high schools where the girls typically pledge Kappa, KD, or Tri Delt. I truly loved many of the girls I met - of course there were bitchy types, as there are everywhere - but to my mind at the time we were just like college girls anywhere. I remember eating lunch at the house one day when our pledge trainer walked in with a piece of paper with names on it. She instructed us to make sure and vote that day in the SGA election and said "these are the Machine candidates." I didn't know what that was, but quickly learned. What's hard for outsiders to understand is that no one will tell you who's in it or even officially acknowledge that it exists. Like, even the members of my sorority didn't know who our Machine representative was, it was so secret. Anyway, I became extremely disillusioned by the whole system and left Alabama after one year. No one - including my family - could seem to understand why I left. What's not to love about being Old Row at Alabama? At the time I felt, and still do, that the Machine represents the worst of UA, the state at large, and human nature in general. I'm always astounded when people I love or respect just shrug in the face of it. I guess in that way the experience was kind of like a proto-Trump for me: you mean there are people I'm close to who are just going to go along this, even though it goes against their stated values? An early and valuable lesson for me that my integrity isn't worth the spoils. Can't wait to read your take!!
I am so curious about their definition of "modest dressing." Like, everything I have seen shows so much skin, I can't imagine categorizing it as "modest" or wearing it to church. Is modesty more about hiding cleavage, so they can show arms and legs? Does the modest dressing only apply on the day/s they need to wear a dress?
Also, this came up in your pinned tiktoks on IG, but the thing about thinness seeming like an unspoken requirement for rushing is so fascinating/sad. Like maybe not technically true, but those girls appear to be absent from the official tiktoks and marketing materials. I wonder if you can even get into certain sororities if you have the wrong body type, and moreover, the availability of "cute clothes" and even bracelets/necklaces for larger bodies is so much more limited. Can plus-sized girls even shop at the Pants Store??
My limited experience as a 50 year old who works at a university is that showing your legs and arms doesn't count as immodest. But you need to totally cover your chest, and preferably your skirt/shorts are high-waisted. No low riders, no butt shown, no cleavage. This version of modesty only works/counts on very thin, young body types, though - which is obv exclusionary. Only certain body types "get" to be modest in what is currently fashionable.
Katy's got it — so much is about boobs. Also you can have some midriff showing but it needs to be "tasteful" as in....a band of skin, not bellybutton, and of course all of this is predicated on the body being thin.
I work at an SEC school and yes, the shorts are high-waisted, but on this campus many of the girls, even ones in sororities, are wearing shorts so short that their butt cheeks are visible. Maybe not for rush, but they're definitely wearing them to class. (FWIW, I, a 51- year-old don't really care, but it has taken some getting used to, I'll admit).
Thanks for the confirmation! I had a feeling it was basically this (no cleavage and no butt). And yes, you're totally right that someone who carries more weight/muscle in those areas may still be perceived as immodest or "too sexy." Like if you have thick thighs, does showing leg suddenly register as immodest, whereas you can get away with showing the same amount of skin on a thinner body?
And it's not just thinness -- if you have a long torso and short legs none of these outfits work, even if your weight is really low. And I agree about how none of this stuff looks "modest" to my old eye.
I had the same reaction to the idea that none of the dresses should be "tight"--except, to my 42 year old eyes, all of the dresses I see are tight? Or at least not exactly flowing. So, where is the line? Clearly someone is drawing it, and it's not me. So fascinating!
Also yes to the ridiculous/horrible idea that plus sized individuals aren't shown at all, and possibly self-select out because of that?
I'm an elder millennial so my perspective is wildly outdated, but when I was in college I was told by sororities that I couldn't rush because of my size (I was probably a 12-14 at the time and wouldn't fit into the "uniforms," so I was an automatic no-go). I wouldn't be surprised at all if that still held true, though I do think what is considered plus-size today is a (relatively) more forgiving interpretation than when I was in college.
At Duke we literally had sororities that people said were for the plus size girls- I was in one, AOPi and Chi O also accepted more body types. Tri Delt was the only one where it seemed every single person was white with blond hair. I rushed in 2007 so it’s been a long time but my twin sister has been the sorority adviser at Elon for about 10 years now and she has told me there’s a lot more variation in body size now. I made some very good friends in college and I’m thankful for my sorority but rush was traumatic. I’ve never felt more unwanted in my life, it was like being dumped my 100s of people in 2 weeks. We did NOT have houses at Duke so that’s one aspect that never affected me, my husband is ATO at UNC and he lived in the house for 3 years.
This fascinates me as well (and thanks to everyone for their comments!). I can HEAR my midwestern Catholic mother's voice in my head saying their skirts are far too short, everything is too tight, and there's a little bit of bare midriff, and therefore none of it is appropriate for church(!!) or school.
Rush week content always brings some "not like other girls" internalized misogyny to the surface for me that I'm really not proud of, but there it is. I'm looking forward to reading more that helps me humanize these girls & stop thinking about them the way I did when I was their age.
This content is like custom designed to make us our worst, most judgy selves. For me it's my inner mid-Atlantic WASP that comes screaming to the fore (I literally don't even qualify for that epithet, but still...). "Lol, the future of American business and politics is being decided at Skull and Bones and the Tiger Inn and you're all freaking out about not having the social capital to get into some club at a *public school*. How have you all not died from embarrassment? Were your grandparents even invited to the Astor Balls?" I mumble to myself in my two bedroom, outer borough apartment...
EXTREMELY YANKEE OF YOU. The social capital derived from these experiences is so rooted in Alabama that it's often not legible, but it's incredibly powerful in Alabama in particular and the South at large.
I laughed out loud when I got to the part about Zeta's car of choice being the Mercedes Benz G Wagon because that's what Roy Kent drove on Ted Lasso -- and it was funny because in the UK it's considered a rich soccer-mom car. I would love to know how Zeta settled on a huge boxy SUV being the ideal for a college student.
Honestly, everything about the sorority system depicted here makes my skin crawl. I'm having a hard time imagining how anyone would want to go through it -- and for what? What's the reward, beyond the social capital of being Letter Letter Letter for life? Are true friendships even possible under this system, or is it the accumulation of power?
UPDATE: apparently the Benz G is one of a handful of cars that's heavy/large enough that you can write it off entirely as a business expense, so at least some of these cars are TAX WRITE-OFFS FOR PARENT BUSINESSES
Funny because as soon as I finished catching up on your latest Stories, my cousin's story about soccer season starting came up - small town KY girl, UK sorority (although I think she dropped out when she transferred schools). But married a hometown guy, three kids, swim team, dance team, soccer. So yes!!
IME from seeing my sister, who was a Phi Mu at a small school in Georgia, it means that when you get married all the sorority sisters you invited circle around you and your spouse and sing a song. If you marry someone from another sorority or fraternity, the members of that one also do the same. Then you get to take a picture where you half squat with your body angled in an unnatural way and your hands on your knees.
My guess about the G wagon is that it's basically the traditional "rich teenager car" (a Jeep) but times a million in terms of fancy brand-ness plus incredible price tag. So if you have a Jeep that's a good social marker, but a G wagon is EVEN MORE SO.
So much of this is regional and trend driven. When I was in school in the north east all the rich kids drove Audis because they were coded as younger while Benzes were for your mom (BMWs were somewhere in between). Presumably we’ve been through like six turns of the wheel on this by now but I always had the impression that Mercedes also sold better in the south.
Oh man I am almost too stressed out by RushTok to even consume this, and I (try to) consume everything you write, AHP! I have been investigating what my anxious response is about and I think it's a few things:
Anxiety that I am not a good enough girl (aka sufficiently performing femininity and/or appropriately teaching my 10, 12, and 14 year old daughters to do the same). I am not super into makeup, am resisting Botox at 44 even though it would be easy (easier at this point!) to do it, have settled into a little uniform of jeans and Birkenstocks and v-neck cashmere sweaters, etc. I am trying to let my daughters unfold into who they are but they don't have or consume social media (trying to wait until 16) and my 9th grader just got a phone (waited until 8th), so many of those modern feminine girl cues are not hammered into them. I felt like this was the right way to go, but these kinds of things cause a creeping anxiety that I am denying them access to certain worlds???
This is the deeper, bigger one: going to college to "find myself" - to figure out what I liked, what I needed, how to take care of myself, what my priorities were - saved me. It made me me. I went to college and I finally felt free to be myself, or at least learn who that was. Perhaps there is greater range and flexibility once you are inside (it didn't exactly sound like it, though) but this process feels like the opposite of the experience of freedom that I was lucky to have.
I really appreciate your willingness to poke around that response — and I absolutely agree re: what's lost when college feels so much more like, well, *high school.* I also figured out who I was in college, but I did it as part of a different sorority system. Some of the things I figured out were in reaction to parts of that system that didn't feel right, too. I do think a lot of people join these groups and part of their growth is figuring is figuring out that it's NOT them — see Emie!
What a gift to give your daughters, to show them this kind of investigation and curiosity about these things that are just automatically engrained into many (most?) other young women. I bet they're amazing! :)
So appreciate your comment. And even though as you say that so many of the modern feminine firl cues aren’t being hammered into them, I’m certain your daughters are fully aware they exist as an option available to them. Just via school and non social media media outlets. They know, they’re just not pressured (by the algorithm) as much!
I was in a sorority at a school in Texas with 40% Greek life (even was the recruitment manager who received all those rec letters and chose which PNMs would talk to which bump group etc) but we weren’t a top house and when I went through rush I dropped out and joined via snap bid. So reading this series in a weird way to me is also an explainer of what I didn’t quite get in 2010…I was from the right school and the right place but I didn’t have the right social power to go through rush. Now the fact that I was in a sorority is like a fun fact to shock people but when I was going through it I was told explicitly that it was both social suicide to not be Greek but it was also even worse to be in a “bad” house.
I saw a TikTok the other day about not being in a “good” sorority and I have so many thoughts about it. The members end up not caring at all as they get older and see the other side of rush and by the time I was a senior Rho Gamma (aka recruitment guide, help the PNMs during rush in “no house”) I was very good at talking to PNMS about not taking these biases into play but the “bad” house status is almost entirely dictated and maintained by the frat boys.
A lot of my time in my sorority was spent trying to turn us from a bad house to a good house and it was ENTIRELY through social markers. .
It's so true that the good/bad is maintained by the frat boys — and also that as you get older, the social anxiety about being in a good/bad house transforms, and you're more like "whatever, we rule, we're friends, fuck off."
lol, I was also from the right school and the right place but didn't have the right social power (emphasis on "I" - my mom was president of our town's alumni Panhellenic, so my recs were impeccable) - I got dropped/blacklisted before pref. People acted like I had died - I went home that weekend and women were calling my mother to offer condolences and tell her they were petitioning the actives.
It's still very surreal, looking back. Like in that bubble, it was a form of social death, although I didn't actually lose anyone that I considered a friend over it.
So I never found out why I was dropped, but I also never asked because knowing might have been worse? Someone else mentioned that bigger schools use the same formula as MATCH (the program for matching med students to residencies), and if that was at use at my school at the time (late '00s), I can absolutely see multiple houses going, well, we're not sure she's for us, but we know she'll end up somewhere...and that did not happen.
"Right social power" involves a lot of speculation in my part, and perhaps was not the most correct way to put it. To give more perspective, I was the only girl from my high school graduating class (over half of my class went to this state school) who didn't get a bid, and the majority of girls went to a house like UA's KKG or a similar level. AHP's instagram stories that feature UA's KKG will help explain that, I think. So I knew girls in these houses, had gone to school and extracurriculars with them since I was in pre-K. My parents weren't old money, or from the state, but they were/are not flashy in the ways that some of the girls on RushTok who make me wince are. I went on to teach at my high school, so I can tell you the max limit for recognizable jewelry is about $350/450 (then and now) that people would admit to, I suspect Golden Goose is more widespread because tennis shoes are items you can use everyday.
Anyway, I think my actual issue was that my undiagnosed depression and anxiety meant that I had real trouble expressing emotions, especially positive ones, in initial and superficial interactions. It was actually exhausting. And, generally, 18-24 year olds are not exactly known for their emotional sensitivity/lack of snap judgment. So even if the girls who I had known for years spoke up for me, they were probably fighting an uphill battle. And the time period meant they couldn't pull out screenshots of my social media proving I had a sense of humor/liked to do things, lol.
I'm having a similar experience reading this and last year's articles as well. I was in a sorority at a small liberal arts school in Michigan in the early aughts and twenty years later I'm suddenly understanding why the consultants who came to visit our chapter were always so mystified by us. They were invariably from the big southern schools and they probably had no idea what to do with our dinky little 30-person chapter full of band geeks. It's eye-opening to see the magnitude of social status conferred on Greek life in other parts of the country.
Our experience with the consultants was always SO funny; they didn't understand anything we did but were like, I guess you have a really high GPA so it's fine?????
Thus was my experience too. All of our alums were southern and their “advice” was not geared to us in a CA university that did not revolve around the Greek system.
I also went to school in CA and rush was spring quarter. Everyone had to live in the dorms freshman year. Adding to the incongruity the sororities weren’t housed. Even so it did skew towards white wealthy students.
This was our experience at Duke- we rushed in January. It was somewhat expensive and certainly a lot of my sorority friends had money but I didn’t feel left out because of my middle class status.
I too went to college in California (a U.C. campus, not Berkeley). Do you think there are any California colleges where Greek life is such a Great Big Deal? I really don't remember it being that way, but maybe I'm oblivious or maybe other CA schools were really Greek-oriented.
Yes it’s very party oriented! Both for like normal house parties but also tailgates, date nights, official larger semi-formals, etc (a lot of which get a commemorative tshirt which is then worn all over campus by members of both houses). For example one year we had a large number of girls dating boys in delta tau delta and had a date party planned that the president then backed out of because they were trying to plan a “better” party (also social budget only goes so far) so we threw the party on our own and lo and behold half the DTD guys were there anyway!! It’s all optics
This is so true. I lived with a friend from HS freshman year. I dropped out of rush because it was clearly not for me, but she ended up pledging. And then spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing about the status of her sorority on the hierarchy of sororities at our school. And the indication of a sorority's status was always by which fraternities would partner with them for mixers.
I think rush is so fascinating to me because I am not and have never been remotely like any of these women (no Bama sorority would have taken me lol), AND YET as someone who went to Smith College, where the house (they don't call them dorms) where you live is such a huge part of your identity on campus (and as an alum 30 years later!), it's also very familiar. It has definitely made me examine my own allegedly progressive feminist college experience!
I'm a Smithie too. My frat boy husband has always joked Smith is just a big sorority. BUT as someone who grew up in Arkansas and witnessed the hoopla around rush at U of Arkansas, Smith houses seem far from sorority life in terms of inclusivity (from my my own late 90s experience and what I've observed, though know there are plenty of others). That said, I certainly see some parallels with women's colleges and sororities in terms of their origin stories to give (white first) women similar opportunities, experiences, and spaces that men were afforded. And the racism and lack of intersectionality that came with it. So many similarities and also seems so different in terms of experiences and outcomes....
But would love other women's college grads to weigh in.
When I went to school I actively found one without any Greek Life whatsoever because I did not want to participate or have it hanging over my head in any way and upon reading this, I'm thrilled I was able to dodge it.
Personally...woof. If it brings joy and fulfillment to your life, all the better for you. I think there is a way that it brings friendship and connection and a lot of stuff I probably missed out on.
However, I am anxious and just like, do not even know where to begin reading this. It is all so very, very...much. I don't regret my decision in the least.
I didn't grow up near Rush culture in any way, so I am very much in the "these are stories from another planet" camp. Watching this is like ... watching a horror movie? I cannot even imagine the stress and conformity and nervous system deregulation this would involve. Not a dig at anyone who lived this and enjoyed it, just observing how far it is from my experience.
And I have so many questions, since I'm from another planet. For example...
- Truly no judgment, but modesty AND twerking? I grew up in a culture that put a strong emphasis on modesty -- for girls only, of course, and it's a culture I'm very glad to have left behind. Back in that culture I would NEVER have been allowed out of the house in any of the clothes in these videos, and definitely not to church on Easter Sunday. I watch these videos completely befuddled, lol.
- SO WHITE. Whiter than the fundamentalist religious college I went to. How do they get away with this in 2024? On the internet no one has to know you only accept white people into your club!
- We agree 95% of these women are wearing hair extensions, right?
- Where are these women going after they graduate? Does the performative 1950s-but-twerking femininity continue into their careers? What's the geographical spread? Why did I (seemingly) never work with any of them during my tech career?
Anne Helen, I hope there is more info to come about what happens if you’re ‘other’ (Black, Asian, Muslim or Jewish) and are rushing at Bama or any Southern school. At my Big 10 school, there were traditionally Jewish houses (I am Jewish and pledged one as a legacy) and historically Black fraternities and sororities. There were usually a few Jewish women and women of color in the top traditional sororities as well. But I believe either there are no traditionally Jewish houses or they don’t participate in Rush at the big SEC schools.
Don't worry, this is coming on Wednesday. For now, I'll say that the Divine Nine have a totally different Rush schedule, so if you're a Black student you're basically deciding if you want to be part of Panhellenic or the Divine Nine and rushing one or the other (my understanding is that it would be gauche to try and rush Panhellenic, not get the house that you want, and THEN rush the Black sororities). Historically Jewish houses operate differently from campus to campus — some are part of traditional rush and some aren't; some have really widened to become general cool "misfit' houses.
yes, my sister and i went to a big ten school and she joined a jewish sorority (we are not jewish) that definitely fits the misfits theme! i wanted nothing to do with living with 100 women or dealing with all the rules and requirements, but i was editor of my college newspaper and we always joked that the paper was our version of a sorority/frat lol.
This is interesting! I didn’t attend a school with much greek life, but I work at one (in university communications), and part of the story about our first black residential student (who graduated in 1972 I believe😬) is that he joined the Jewish fraternity, which aligns with this sense of ‘misfit’ house.
This is incorrect, at least at UGA. There was one traditionally Jewish sorority (SDT) that was part of Rush in 1999, when I went through. I just checked and it's a represented sorority in UGA's panhellenic, so I assume it's still a part of rush.
Just checked and SDT also has an active chapter at UA that is involved in recruitment.
I don't think it negates your point about how sororities treat people of color or minority religious status (certainly UA is definitely worth the exploration, given the very recent integration of their sororities), but I just wanted to point out that even in the south at the big SEC schools there are historically Jewish sororities and fraternities that are a part of the regular recruitment process.
Ready to redirect all my Olympics fervor to *this* incredible sport!
Same! I feel a renewed purpose 😂
This series is absolutely the salve for post-Olympics blues
“It’s watching power refine and reproduce itself. You get to see exactly how the status quo stays the way it does. Of course we can’t look away.”
100% this. I will watch any documentary or read any book in the category “deep dive into opaque, high-control subculture.” Add to that being a former pom and ballet dancer extremely familiar with the practice of performative femininity and I just want this content injected directly into my veins.
The pressure-cooker/hothouse environment of a deeply specific subculture is just instantly interesting. It's like all the messier parts of what make us human--the need to fit in, jostling for attention, the unspoken rules, the desire to be cool but the fact that we can't look like we're caring too much--all burst out in their most dramatic form. It's so interesting, whether it's a cult or an elite sport or the kpop industry or whatever.
Every year #rushtok captivates me, and I hated rush myself. Rushing a sorority was by far one of the most humbling experiences I've ever had, and not for the better. Yet, being in a sorority was one of the most important and rewarding ones-- and I've been out for a decade! Recruitment is not sorority life, and most alumni would agree.
If you're in it for the right reasons, recruitment is a blip on your radar as a sorority girl. The day-in, day-out routine of living, eating, studying, bathing, gossiping, fighting, and watching TV with 100+ young women looks nothing like this highly polished and choreographed iteration of Being In A Sorority. The OU Kappas are capturing this in perhaps the most honest way I've seen.
Sorority girls, when not being filmed for content, are.... girls. They are weird and gross and insecure and come from all walks of life. They are funny as hell and sharp and, yeah, a little conceited, but who isn't? I attended an SEC school (2011-2015, so the height of TFM and the like), and even then, I was enamored by the performance of being a sorority girl vs. the reality of being one. Within the chapter house, we were loud and crude and honest. Once we left-- you're always wearing your letters, IYKYK-- we became less of ourselves so we could fit the larger mold of sorority girl established for us by generations before.
Every year when rush rolls around, I wonder, "What would sororities be if we didn't have these expectations to live up to?" For me, being in a sorority was a safe place to learn and grow because it was an intensely female space that, by the way, there aren't a lot of! Schools that do informal NPC recruitment and the NPHC organizations know this inherently. Community and belonging can't be fostered through performance, but rather, through relationships and honesty.
I love this comment a lot.
As a outsider on so many levels, I think what's compelling is the intense, inter-generational social conditioning.
OMG this. These are the kinds of places that enforce culture norms from the 1950s. Where the whole point is excluding others, and on the most superficial premises as well. Gotta admit, I hate read the whole thing.
Also how I felt about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader show on Netflix.
Same-- Judy and Kelli were effectively avatars for a decades-old beauty standard, and in Greek life, that standard is upheld by women of a similar generation at the national level. As a SEC sorority alum myself, I could go on for days about how the expectation of womanhood is firmly rooted in a different era, but with today's products tossed in to make it more modern.
The fact that the mothers of Judy and Kelli’s generation seemed to “inspire” their daughters to want it gave me the ick. Especially as they know it’s more demanding than it used to be, social media changes it all, etc. It’s fascinating how Bama rush, DCC, and #tradwives coverage unearth so many of the same (absolutely foreign to me) themes.
Exactly my reaction! I started to wonder while reading this how many Bama rush girls have tried out for DCC. It’s the next step, with a lot more athletic/dance skills.
Absolutely this
As a southerner who grew up around SEC culture, I just have to say that Bama's color is crimson (maroon is Mississippi State). I only point it out because that's like mixing up Cartier and Kendra Scott! 😂
I am going to have to change this immediately because WOW what an oversight on my part (although I will say it's weird to describe an everyday color that you see on the street as CRIMSON but I get it)
We could really dedicate a whole week or more to just SEC culture. I think it’s especially interesting this year with Texas and Oklahoma joining. Like they’re both southern but they aren’t SEC culture
YES this would be amazing. Even a branch off of SCE Greek life that isn’t Alabama. I was a DG at Auburn and it’s sooo different than Alabama or Ole Miss.
It definitely sounds a little like gilding the lily! But I’m more used to it as an Indiana grad with our “cream and crimson”
I mean, the color is definitely more maroon than crimson, but crimson is the word they use.
Many probably don't realize that the phrase "Roll Tide" is short for "Crimson Tide" and the color is essentially red. I only know all the lingo and colors due to growing up in rural Alabama where most people thought of Bama as just a football team rather than a university.😆
Lauren, I literally said “crimson!” out loud when I read maroon haha. I’m an Auburn grad!
I did the same when seeing the word maroon, Sam.😄 I also went to Auburn, although sadly transferred to UAB for a specific major not available at Auburn. It pains me that I technically have to say that I graduated from the University of AL, even though not the one in Tuscaloosa, haha.
Haha I feel that!!
Being from Alabama and hearing about Bama all my life (did not even consider going there for 1 second, haha) I had the same thought when seeing the color described as maroon. Thinking of the horror of the Crimson Tide being confused with the colors of Mississippi State (and now Texas A&M also), made me laugh though.🤣
Reading is like watching a car crash. It's everything I hate about society and cliques and exclusion, but I can't look away.
Yay, my dreams are coming true, AHP is writing about the Machine!!! As I scrolled through your Rush Tok Insta last year, I was hoping you'd been clued in to the real systems of power behind all this. I pledged a "top" sorority at Alabama in the late 80's, at a time when it was so low-key, I think my Mom spent less $50 on some t-shirt dresses with appliquéd ribbons on them, and that was it for my rush wardrobe. I had almost no stress about it, mostly because I had gone to one of the feeder high schools where the girls typically pledge Kappa, KD, or Tri Delt. I truly loved many of the girls I met - of course there were bitchy types, as there are everywhere - but to my mind at the time we were just like college girls anywhere. I remember eating lunch at the house one day when our pledge trainer walked in with a piece of paper with names on it. She instructed us to make sure and vote that day in the SGA election and said "these are the Machine candidates." I didn't know what that was, but quickly learned. What's hard for outsiders to understand is that no one will tell you who's in it or even officially acknowledge that it exists. Like, even the members of my sorority didn't know who our Machine representative was, it was so secret. Anyway, I became extremely disillusioned by the whole system and left Alabama after one year. No one - including my family - could seem to understand why I left. What's not to love about being Old Row at Alabama? At the time I felt, and still do, that the Machine represents the worst of UA, the state at large, and human nature in general. I'm always astounded when people I love or respect just shrug in the face of it. I guess in that way the experience was kind of like a proto-Trump for me: you mean there are people I'm close to who are just going to go along this, even though it goes against their stated values? An early and valuable lesson for me that my integrity isn't worth the spoils. Can't wait to read your take!!
omg Catherine you are going to LOVE tomorrow's piece!!!!!
I am so curious about their definition of "modest dressing." Like, everything I have seen shows so much skin, I can't imagine categorizing it as "modest" or wearing it to church. Is modesty more about hiding cleavage, so they can show arms and legs? Does the modest dressing only apply on the day/s they need to wear a dress?
Also, this came up in your pinned tiktoks on IG, but the thing about thinness seeming like an unspoken requirement for rushing is so fascinating/sad. Like maybe not technically true, but those girls appear to be absent from the official tiktoks and marketing materials. I wonder if you can even get into certain sororities if you have the wrong body type, and moreover, the availability of "cute clothes" and even bracelets/necklaces for larger bodies is so much more limited. Can plus-sized girls even shop at the Pants Store??
My limited experience as a 50 year old who works at a university is that showing your legs and arms doesn't count as immodest. But you need to totally cover your chest, and preferably your skirt/shorts are high-waisted. No low riders, no butt shown, no cleavage. This version of modesty only works/counts on very thin, young body types, though - which is obv exclusionary. Only certain body types "get" to be modest in what is currently fashionable.
Katy's got it — so much is about boobs. Also you can have some midriff showing but it needs to be "tasteful" as in....a band of skin, not bellybutton, and of course all of this is predicated on the body being thin.
I work at an SEC school and yes, the shorts are high-waisted, but on this campus many of the girls, even ones in sororities, are wearing shorts so short that their butt cheeks are visible. Maybe not for rush, but they're definitely wearing them to class. (FWIW, I, a 51- year-old don't really care, but it has taken some getting used to, I'll admit).
Thanks for the confirmation! I had a feeling it was basically this (no cleavage and no butt). And yes, you're totally right that someone who carries more weight/muscle in those areas may still be perceived as immodest or "too sexy." Like if you have thick thighs, does showing leg suddenly register as immodest, whereas you can get away with showing the same amount of skin on a thinner body?
And it's not just thinness -- if you have a long torso and short legs none of these outfits work, even if your weight is really low. And I agree about how none of this stuff looks "modest" to my old eye.
I had the same reaction to the idea that none of the dresses should be "tight"--except, to my 42 year old eyes, all of the dresses I see are tight? Or at least not exactly flowing. So, where is the line? Clearly someone is drawing it, and it's not me. So fascinating!
Also yes to the ridiculous/horrible idea that plus sized individuals aren't shown at all, and possibly self-select out because of that?
I'm an elder millennial so my perspective is wildly outdated, but when I was in college I was told by sororities that I couldn't rush because of my size (I was probably a 12-14 at the time and wouldn't fit into the "uniforms," so I was an automatic no-go). I wouldn't be surprised at all if that still held true, though I do think what is considered plus-size today is a (relatively) more forgiving interpretation than when I was in college.
At Duke we literally had sororities that people said were for the plus size girls- I was in one, AOPi and Chi O also accepted more body types. Tri Delt was the only one where it seemed every single person was white with blond hair. I rushed in 2007 so it’s been a long time but my twin sister has been the sorority adviser at Elon for about 10 years now and she has told me there’s a lot more variation in body size now. I made some very good friends in college and I’m thankful for my sorority but rush was traumatic. I’ve never felt more unwanted in my life, it was like being dumped my 100s of people in 2 weeks. We did NOT have houses at Duke so that’s one aspect that never affected me, my husband is ATO at UNC and he lived in the house for 3 years.
Oh my God, gross. That makes me shudder.
This fascinates me as well (and thanks to everyone for their comments!). I can HEAR my midwestern Catholic mother's voice in my head saying their skirts are far too short, everything is too tight, and there's a little bit of bare midriff, and therefore none of it is appropriate for church(!!) or school.
Rush week content always brings some "not like other girls" internalized misogyny to the surface for me that I'm really not proud of, but there it is. I'm looking forward to reading more that helps me humanize these girls & stop thinking about them the way I did when I was their age.
This content is like custom designed to make us our worst, most judgy selves. For me it's my inner mid-Atlantic WASP that comes screaming to the fore (I literally don't even qualify for that epithet, but still...). "Lol, the future of American business and politics is being decided at Skull and Bones and the Tiger Inn and you're all freaking out about not having the social capital to get into some club at a *public school*. How have you all not died from embarrassment? Were your grandparents even invited to the Astor Balls?" I mumble to myself in my two bedroom, outer borough apartment...
EXTREMELY YANKEE OF YOU. The social capital derived from these experiences is so rooted in Alabama that it's often not legible, but it's incredibly powerful in Alabama in particular and the South at large.
I laughed out loud when I got to the part about Zeta's car of choice being the Mercedes Benz G Wagon because that's what Roy Kent drove on Ted Lasso -- and it was funny because in the UK it's considered a rich soccer-mom car. I would love to know how Zeta settled on a huge boxy SUV being the ideal for a college student.
Honestly, everything about the sorority system depicted here makes my skin crawl. I'm having a hard time imagining how anyone would want to go through it -- and for what? What's the reward, beyond the social capital of being Letter Letter Letter for life? Are true friendships even possible under this system, or is it the accumulation of power?
UPDATE: apparently the Benz G is one of a handful of cars that's heavy/large enough that you can write it off entirely as a business expense, so at least some of these cars are TAX WRITE-OFFS FOR PARENT BUSINESSES
It's fitting though, right, because these girls are on the soccer mom track!
Funny because as soon as I finished catching up on your latest Stories, my cousin's story about soccer season starting came up - small town KY girl, UK sorority (although I think she dropped out when she transferred schools). But married a hometown guy, three kids, swim team, dance team, soccer. So yes!!
IME from seeing my sister, who was a Phi Mu at a small school in Georgia, it means that when you get married all the sorority sisters you invited circle around you and your spouse and sing a song. If you marry someone from another sorority or fraternity, the members of that one also do the same. Then you get to take a picture where you half squat with your body angled in an unnatural way and your hands on your knees.
My guess about the G wagon is that it's basically the traditional "rich teenager car" (a Jeep) but times a million in terms of fancy brand-ness plus incredible price tag. So if you have a Jeep that's a good social marker, but a G wagon is EVEN MORE SO.
So much of this is regional and trend driven. When I was in school in the north east all the rich kids drove Audis because they were coded as younger while Benzes were for your mom (BMWs were somewhere in between). Presumably we’ve been through like six turns of the wheel on this by now but I always had the impression that Mercedes also sold better in the south.
There is also a Mercedes plant in Tuscaloosa, where Bama is located!
Oh man I am almost too stressed out by RushTok to even consume this, and I (try to) consume everything you write, AHP! I have been investigating what my anxious response is about and I think it's a few things:
Anxiety that I am not a good enough girl (aka sufficiently performing femininity and/or appropriately teaching my 10, 12, and 14 year old daughters to do the same). I am not super into makeup, am resisting Botox at 44 even though it would be easy (easier at this point!) to do it, have settled into a little uniform of jeans and Birkenstocks and v-neck cashmere sweaters, etc. I am trying to let my daughters unfold into who they are but they don't have or consume social media (trying to wait until 16) and my 9th grader just got a phone (waited until 8th), so many of those modern feminine girl cues are not hammered into them. I felt like this was the right way to go, but these kinds of things cause a creeping anxiety that I am denying them access to certain worlds???
This is the deeper, bigger one: going to college to "find myself" - to figure out what I liked, what I needed, how to take care of myself, what my priorities were - saved me. It made me me. I went to college and I finally felt free to be myself, or at least learn who that was. Perhaps there is greater range and flexibility once you are inside (it didn't exactly sound like it, though) but this process feels like the opposite of the experience of freedom that I was lucky to have.
I really appreciate your willingness to poke around that response — and I absolutely agree re: what's lost when college feels so much more like, well, *high school.* I also figured out who I was in college, but I did it as part of a different sorority system. Some of the things I figured out were in reaction to parts of that system that didn't feel right, too. I do think a lot of people join these groups and part of their growth is figuring is figuring out that it's NOT them — see Emie!
Just want to say that your uniform sounds like a dream—I may need to phase into adopting it!
What a gift to give your daughters, to show them this kind of investigation and curiosity about these things that are just automatically engrained into many (most?) other young women. I bet they're amazing! :)
So appreciate your comment. And even though as you say that so many of the modern feminine firl cues aren’t being hammered into them, I’m certain your daughters are fully aware they exist as an option available to them. Just via school and non social media media outlets. They know, they’re just not pressured (by the algorithm) as much!
I was in a sorority at a school in Texas with 40% Greek life (even was the recruitment manager who received all those rec letters and chose which PNMs would talk to which bump group etc) but we weren’t a top house and when I went through rush I dropped out and joined via snap bid. So reading this series in a weird way to me is also an explainer of what I didn’t quite get in 2010…I was from the right school and the right place but I didn’t have the right social power to go through rush. Now the fact that I was in a sorority is like a fun fact to shock people but when I was going through it I was told explicitly that it was both social suicide to not be Greek but it was also even worse to be in a “bad” house.
I saw a TikTok the other day about not being in a “good” sorority and I have so many thoughts about it. The members end up not caring at all as they get older and see the other side of rush and by the time I was a senior Rho Gamma (aka recruitment guide, help the PNMs during rush in “no house”) I was very good at talking to PNMS about not taking these biases into play but the “bad” house status is almost entirely dictated and maintained by the frat boys.
A lot of my time in my sorority was spent trying to turn us from a bad house to a good house and it was ENTIRELY through social markers. .
It's so true that the good/bad is maintained by the frat boys — and also that as you get older, the social anxiety about being in a good/bad house transforms, and you're more like "whatever, we rule, we're friends, fuck off."
lol, I was also from the right school and the right place but didn't have the right social power (emphasis on "I" - my mom was president of our town's alumni Panhellenic, so my recs were impeccable) - I got dropped/blacklisted before pref. People acted like I had died - I went home that weekend and women were calling my mother to offer condolences and tell her they were petitioning the actives.
God that must have been SO WEIRD on your end
It's still very surreal, looking back. Like in that bubble, it was a form of social death, although I didn't actually lose anyone that I considered a friend over it.
Do you know why you got dropped/what do you mean by didn't have the "right social power"? If that's too personal, please ignore my question.
So I never found out why I was dropped, but I also never asked because knowing might have been worse? Someone else mentioned that bigger schools use the same formula as MATCH (the program for matching med students to residencies), and if that was at use at my school at the time (late '00s), I can absolutely see multiple houses going, well, we're not sure she's for us, but we know she'll end up somewhere...and that did not happen.
"Right social power" involves a lot of speculation in my part, and perhaps was not the most correct way to put it. To give more perspective, I was the only girl from my high school graduating class (over half of my class went to this state school) who didn't get a bid, and the majority of girls went to a house like UA's KKG or a similar level. AHP's instagram stories that feature UA's KKG will help explain that, I think. So I knew girls in these houses, had gone to school and extracurriculars with them since I was in pre-K. My parents weren't old money, or from the state, but they were/are not flashy in the ways that some of the girls on RushTok who make me wince are. I went on to teach at my high school, so I can tell you the max limit for recognizable jewelry is about $350/450 (then and now) that people would admit to, I suspect Golden Goose is more widespread because tennis shoes are items you can use everyday.
Anyway, I think my actual issue was that my undiagnosed depression and anxiety meant that I had real trouble expressing emotions, especially positive ones, in initial and superficial interactions. It was actually exhausting. And, generally, 18-24 year olds are not exactly known for their emotional sensitivity/lack of snap judgment. So even if the girls who I had known for years spoke up for me, they were probably fighting an uphill battle. And the time period meant they couldn't pull out screenshots of my social media proving I had a sense of humor/liked to do things, lol.
I'm having a similar experience reading this and last year's articles as well. I was in a sorority at a small liberal arts school in Michigan in the early aughts and twenty years later I'm suddenly understanding why the consultants who came to visit our chapter were always so mystified by us. They were invariably from the big southern schools and they probably had no idea what to do with our dinky little 30-person chapter full of band geeks. It's eye-opening to see the magnitude of social status conferred on Greek life in other parts of the country.
Our experience with the consultants was always SO funny; they didn't understand anything we did but were like, I guess you have a really high GPA so it's fine?????
Thus was my experience too. All of our alums were southern and their “advice” was not geared to us in a CA university that did not revolve around the Greek system.
I also went to school in CA and rush was spring quarter. Everyone had to live in the dorms freshman year. Adding to the incongruity the sororities weren’t housed. Even so it did skew towards white wealthy students.
This was our experience at Duke- we rushed in January. It was somewhat expensive and certainly a lot of my sorority friends had money but I didn’t feel left out because of my middle class status.
I too went to college in California (a U.C. campus, not Berkeley). Do you think there are any California colleges where Greek life is such a Great Big Deal? I really don't remember it being that way, but maybe I'm oblivious or maybe other CA schools were really Greek-oriented.
Yes - my youngest was going to go to SDSU and that is highly Greek oriented. But that’s the only one that I have heard of that is. My UC was not.
Uh. Are we (sorority) sisters? Because I could have written this.
Albion dear Albion by any chance?
Our tiny little house!
What is the frat boys markers of what is a good/bad house? Is it as simple as who they want to party/sleep with?
Yes it’s very party oriented! Both for like normal house parties but also tailgates, date nights, official larger semi-formals, etc (a lot of which get a commemorative tshirt which is then worn all over campus by members of both houses). For example one year we had a large number of girls dating boys in delta tau delta and had a date party planned that the president then backed out of because they were trying to plan a “better” party (also social budget only goes so far) so we threw the party on our own and lo and behold half the DTD guys were there anyway!! It’s all optics
This is so true. I lived with a friend from HS freshman year. I dropped out of rush because it was clearly not for me, but she ended up pledging. And then spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing about the status of her sorority on the hierarchy of sororities at our school. And the indication of a sorority's status was always by which fraternities would partner with them for mixers.
I think rush is so fascinating to me because I am not and have never been remotely like any of these women (no Bama sorority would have taken me lol), AND YET as someone who went to Smith College, where the house (they don't call them dorms) where you live is such a huge part of your identity on campus (and as an alum 30 years later!), it's also very familiar. It has definitely made me examine my own allegedly progressive feminist college experience!
I'm a Smithie too. My frat boy husband has always joked Smith is just a big sorority. BUT as someone who grew up in Arkansas and witnessed the hoopla around rush at U of Arkansas, Smith houses seem far from sorority life in terms of inclusivity (from my my own late 90s experience and what I've observed, though know there are plenty of others). That said, I certainly see some parallels with women's colleges and sororities in terms of their origin stories to give (white first) women similar opportunities, experiences, and spaces that men were afforded. And the racism and lack of intersectionality that came with it. So many similarities and also seems so different in terms of experiences and outcomes....
But would love other women's college grads to weigh in.
When I went to school I actively found one without any Greek Life whatsoever because I did not want to participate or have it hanging over my head in any way and upon reading this, I'm thrilled I was able to dodge it.
Personally...woof. If it brings joy and fulfillment to your life, all the better for you. I think there is a way that it brings friendship and connection and a lot of stuff I probably missed out on.
However, I am anxious and just like, do not even know where to begin reading this. It is all so very, very...much. I don't regret my decision in the least.
I didn't grow up near Rush culture in any way, so I am very much in the "these are stories from another planet" camp. Watching this is like ... watching a horror movie? I cannot even imagine the stress and conformity and nervous system deregulation this would involve. Not a dig at anyone who lived this and enjoyed it, just observing how far it is from my experience.
And I have so many questions, since I'm from another planet. For example...
- Truly no judgment, but modesty AND twerking? I grew up in a culture that put a strong emphasis on modesty -- for girls only, of course, and it's a culture I'm very glad to have left behind. Back in that culture I would NEVER have been allowed out of the house in any of the clothes in these videos, and definitely not to church on Easter Sunday. I watch these videos completely befuddled, lol.
- SO WHITE. Whiter than the fundamentalist religious college I went to. How do they get away with this in 2024? On the internet no one has to know you only accept white people into your club!
- We agree 95% of these women are wearing hair extensions, right?
- Where are these women going after they graduate? Does the performative 1950s-but-twerking femininity continue into their careers? What's the geographical spread? Why did I (seemingly) never work with any of them during my tech career?
Well at least one bama alum married a football player and is the jr senator from alabama and gave a response to the state of the union (katie britt)
don't worry the Katie Britt of it all is coming
Anne Helen, I hope there is more info to come about what happens if you’re ‘other’ (Black, Asian, Muslim or Jewish) and are rushing at Bama or any Southern school. At my Big 10 school, there were traditionally Jewish houses (I am Jewish and pledged one as a legacy) and historically Black fraternities and sororities. There were usually a few Jewish women and women of color in the top traditional sororities as well. But I believe either there are no traditionally Jewish houses or they don’t participate in Rush at the big SEC schools.
Don't worry, this is coming on Wednesday. For now, I'll say that the Divine Nine have a totally different Rush schedule, so if you're a Black student you're basically deciding if you want to be part of Panhellenic or the Divine Nine and rushing one or the other (my understanding is that it would be gauche to try and rush Panhellenic, not get the house that you want, and THEN rush the Black sororities). Historically Jewish houses operate differently from campus to campus — some are part of traditional rush and some aren't; some have really widened to become general cool "misfit' houses.
yes, my sister and i went to a big ten school and she joined a jewish sorority (we are not jewish) that definitely fits the misfits theme! i wanted nothing to do with living with 100 women or dealing with all the rules and requirements, but i was editor of my college newspaper and we always joked that the paper was our version of a sorority/frat lol.
This is interesting! I didn’t attend a school with much greek life, but I work at one (in university communications), and part of the story about our first black residential student (who graduated in 1972 I believe😬) is that he joined the Jewish fraternity, which aligns with this sense of ‘misfit’ house.
This is incorrect, at least at UGA. There was one traditionally Jewish sorority (SDT) that was part of Rush in 1999, when I went through. I just checked and it's a represented sorority in UGA's panhellenic, so I assume it's still a part of rush.
Just checked and SDT also has an active chapter at UA that is involved in recruitment.
I don't think it negates your point about how sororities treat people of color or minority religious status (certainly UA is definitely worth the exploration, given the very recent integration of their sororities), but I just wanted to point out that even in the south at the big SEC schools there are historically Jewish sororities and fraternities that are a part of the regular recruitment process.